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Doing better, but overthinking
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 658880" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, you can't MAKE her commit suicide. My guess is, in spite of her nastiness, she actually likes herself quite a bit and will just maybe make gestures to manipulate you. She wants your money. She is very unlikely to commit suicide or make an real attempt eithr, but she may use it for manipulation. However, the very few (and we're talking about two here) parents I have spoken to whose kids actually did it:</p><p></p><p>1/Had no idea it was going to happen</p><p>2/Could not have stopped it as it happened in their own homes to kids who had everything in the world.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter seems unwilling to admit that she is her own worst problem. She has to do THAT in order to be motivated to take herself to task and to heal. There is nothing you can do to make this daughter happy. She isn't happy. She isn't going to hit a rock bottom where she decides to feel better and get help, which is what she really needs to do. She doesn't need your money. She needs a good therapist that she works very hard with and the determination to be a better person, but to learn better coping skills. I don't believe she has ever said anything is wrong with her, which does not bode well for her getting help.</p><p></p><p>The very sad truth is that we can't stop our adult kids from doing anything. Yet suicide has not been reported on this forum since I've been here, fifteen years. Maybe it happened and the parents never posted, but while there were plenty of mostly weak suicide attempts (such as taking medications they know won't kill them) and some serious overdoses, which has to do with addiction, not life circumstances), I don't recall any suicides.</p><p></p><p>Our most balanced adult kids can commit suicide. This is something we can't predict and can't stop just by throwing all our retirement money at them.</p><p></p><p>Read the thread on "The 12 Thinking Errors We Make." Look at "catastrophizing." You are looking at the worst possible scenario and making it reality.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter actually physically harmed you. It appears that she has no regard for anyone including herself. Yet she wants YOU to support her because she is too lazy to get a job.</p><p></p><p>The only money I'd give her, if s he were my daughter, is I'd probably be willing to pay for her to have a tubal so t hat she can no longer bring children into this world that she will not take care of and can not love. And I'd pay it directly to the doctor, not to her because she wouldn't use it for that. And she wouldn't use it to help her children.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes we need to step back and take an honest look at our loved ones. It can be painful. But they are what they are. This daughter will take an inch from you and spread it to miles. You would be much happier in my opinion if you focused on your own life and perhaps sought out therapy to help you do this. You matter as much as she does. It is up to her to do better. You can not help her. But you can make your own life wonderful. You do have power over that <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Having her move in with you is, in my humble opinion, asking for trouble and for possible harm to come to you and for your relationship to even get worse. She seems possibly able to use you to the max that she can. And, feeling guilty and being nice, it is hard for you to say no.</p><p></p><p>Have a calm, peaceful day. If you've never tried guided meditation, I highly recommend it. Go to YouTube and type in "Guided Meditation." It's worth a try <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 658880, member: 1550"] Hon, you can't MAKE her commit suicide. My guess is, in spite of her nastiness, she actually likes herself quite a bit and will just maybe make gestures to manipulate you. She wants your money. She is very unlikely to commit suicide or make an real attempt eithr, but she may use it for manipulation. However, the very few (and we're talking about two here) parents I have spoken to whose kids actually did it: 1/Had no idea it was going to happen 2/Could not have stopped it as it happened in their own homes to kids who had everything in the world. Your daughter seems unwilling to admit that she is her own worst problem. She has to do THAT in order to be motivated to take herself to task and to heal. There is nothing you can do to make this daughter happy. She isn't happy. She isn't going to hit a rock bottom where she decides to feel better and get help, which is what she really needs to do. She doesn't need your money. She needs a good therapist that she works very hard with and the determination to be a better person, but to learn better coping skills. I don't believe she has ever said anything is wrong with her, which does not bode well for her getting help. The very sad truth is that we can't stop our adult kids from doing anything. Yet suicide has not been reported on this forum since I've been here, fifteen years. Maybe it happened and the parents never posted, but while there were plenty of mostly weak suicide attempts (such as taking medications they know won't kill them) and some serious overdoses, which has to do with addiction, not life circumstances), I don't recall any suicides. Our most balanced adult kids can commit suicide. This is something we can't predict and can't stop just by throwing all our retirement money at them. Read the thread on "The 12 Thinking Errors We Make." Look at "catastrophizing." You are looking at the worst possible scenario and making it reality. Your daughter actually physically harmed you. It appears that she has no regard for anyone including herself. Yet she wants YOU to support her because she is too lazy to get a job. The only money I'd give her, if s he were my daughter, is I'd probably be willing to pay for her to have a tubal so t hat she can no longer bring children into this world that she will not take care of and can not love. And I'd pay it directly to the doctor, not to her because she wouldn't use it for that. And she wouldn't use it to help her children. Sometimes we need to step back and take an honest look at our loved ones. It can be painful. But they are what they are. This daughter will take an inch from you and spread it to miles. You would be much happier in my opinion if you focused on your own life and perhaps sought out therapy to help you do this. You matter as much as she does. It is up to her to do better. You can not help her. But you can make your own life wonderful. You do have power over that :) Having her move in with you is, in my humble opinion, asking for trouble and for possible harm to come to you and for your relationship to even get worse. She seems possibly able to use you to the max that she can. And, feeling guilty and being nice, it is hard for you to say no. Have a calm, peaceful day. If you've never tried guided meditation, I highly recommend it. Go to YouTube and type in "Guided Meditation." It's worth a try :) [/QUOTE]
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