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Doing better, but overthinking
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 658898" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>This is huge!! Good for you. I know it's hard in the beginning but you are proving to yourself that you can do this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Again, you did great. The best thing you can do is to pause and think before your respond.</p><p></p><p></p><p>As sad as this is I'm glad that they are realizing and growing tired of helping her. Hopefully as people draw away from her she will start to understand that she needs to be taking care of herself.</p><p>I am wondering how it's going with her living at the boyfriends dad's house, how long will he put up with her doing nothing. Is she paying him any money to live there?</p><p></p><p></p><p>I understand how you feel, I too have been there but it's not healthy to dwell on those thoughts. My one and only child, my son, has told me many times how he feels everyone is against him, that no one loves him and he would be better off dead. I used to beg him to understand that he is loved and that he has so much to offer if only he would focus, that the only reason people are against him is because of how he treats them, and on and on and on..................</p><p>I had to accept the fact that no matter what I say my son chooses to believe what he believes, he chooses to live his life the way he wants. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HIM. I have accepted that he may very well one day make good on his threat of suicide. I have no control over him but I do have control over how I choose to respond. In the beginning I used to think "if that ever happens I will be devastated" but then I started to realize I was setting myself up by having a negative pre-determined state of mind. You see, our thoughts are very powerful and tie to our emotions. I changed my thought process about this but first I had to accept the reality that it could happen and I have no control. My thought process now is "I will be deeply saddened but I will not be devastated by it, I will grieve and I will move on"</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are not an evil mom and I would not give any merit to this. If this is how your daughter chooses to see this situation then so be it, that's on her not on you.</p><p></p><p>Understand that detaching is a constant process. We can be going along dealing with not having contact just fine then wham bam thank you ma'am something happens and you have to stop, think, regain your composure and proceed with caution. I will tell you that it does get easier with time. Acceptance is the key to it all.</p><p></p><p>Focus on yourself, do things that will bring you joy. Buy yourself some flowers.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/flowers.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":flowers:" title="flowers :flowers:" data-shortname=":flowers:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 658898, member: 18516"] This is huge!! Good for you. I know it's hard in the beginning but you are proving to yourself that you can do this. Again, you did great. The best thing you can do is to pause and think before your respond. As sad as this is I'm glad that they are realizing and growing tired of helping her. Hopefully as people draw away from her she will start to understand that she needs to be taking care of herself. I am wondering how it's going with her living at the boyfriends dad's house, how long will he put up with her doing nothing. Is she paying him any money to live there? I understand how you feel, I too have been there but it's not healthy to dwell on those thoughts. My one and only child, my son, has told me many times how he feels everyone is against him, that no one loves him and he would be better off dead. I used to beg him to understand that he is loved and that he has so much to offer if only he would focus, that the only reason people are against him is because of how he treats them, and on and on and on.................. I had to accept the fact that no matter what I say my son chooses to believe what he believes, he chooses to live his life the way he wants. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HIM. I have accepted that he may very well one day make good on his threat of suicide. I have no control over him but I do have control over how I choose to respond. In the beginning I used to think "if that ever happens I will be devastated" but then I started to realize I was setting myself up by having a negative pre-determined state of mind. You see, our thoughts are very powerful and tie to our emotions. I changed my thought process about this but first I had to accept the reality that it could happen and I have no control. My thought process now is "I will be deeply saddened but I will not be devastated by it, I will grieve and I will move on" You are not an evil mom and I would not give any merit to this. If this is how your daughter chooses to see this situation then so be it, that's on her not on you. Understand that detaching is a constant process. We can be going along dealing with not having contact just fine then wham bam thank you ma'am something happens and you have to stop, think, regain your composure and proceed with caution. I will tell you that it does get easier with time. Acceptance is the key to it all. Focus on yourself, do things that will bring you joy. Buy yourself some flowers. :flowers: [/QUOTE]
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