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Parent Emeritus
Doing better, but overthinking
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 658952" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>soootired...I am very proud of you!!! Three weeks is great. If you can keep on, three weeks will turn into months which turn into more and mire time passing as you work and learn how to let go of someone you can't control and never could control and never will control.</p><p></p><p>We can't control anybody but ourselves, even the healthy people in our lives! </p><p></p><p>I used to lie awake at night and obsess about my son committing suicide. He actually cut himself once and then threatened it multiple times. It was just a threat, and even though I took it seriously every single time, deep down I never thought he would ever go through with something like that. He was trying to manipulate me with the last tool he had. </p><p></p><p>My ex-husband (his dad) and I had several long talks on the phone about this. His dad said this: He loves himself too much to ever do that. </p><p></p><p>I agreed with him, but of course, again, we always took the threats seriously. We called the police every single time and got in his face and said: we will call 911 every single time you say this, so be forewarned. </p><p></p><p>Guess what? The threats stopped. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like your daughter may be in the same category of someone who loves herself too much to ever do it. Who knows---none of us ever do---but someone who uses other people, thinks of themselves first, takes and takes and takes, doesn't give, uses her child support money for herself...that person may be too self-absorbed to ever do something like that.</p><p></p><p>I know your fears. I have had them too. As you well know, you can't stop anybody from doing anything at any time. We must learn to live with uncertainty. Life is filled with uncertainty. We have to quit fighting against that reality. We have to quit trying to manage, fix and control things that aren't in our "wheelhouse." Just managing ourselves is a full time job, and one worthy of our attention.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 658952, member: 17542"] soootired...I am very proud of you!!! Three weeks is great. If you can keep on, three weeks will turn into months which turn into more and mire time passing as you work and learn how to let go of someone you can't control and never could control and never will control. We can't control anybody but ourselves, even the healthy people in our lives! I used to lie awake at night and obsess about my son committing suicide. He actually cut himself once and then threatened it multiple times. It was just a threat, and even though I took it seriously every single time, deep down I never thought he would ever go through with something like that. He was trying to manipulate me with the last tool he had. My ex-husband (his dad) and I had several long talks on the phone about this. His dad said this: He loves himself too much to ever do that. I agreed with him, but of course, again, we always took the threats seriously. We called the police every single time and got in his face and said: we will call 911 every single time you say this, so be forewarned. Guess what? The threats stopped. It sounds like your daughter may be in the same category of someone who loves herself too much to ever do it. Who knows---none of us ever do---but someone who uses other people, thinks of themselves first, takes and takes and takes, doesn't give, uses her child support money for herself...that person may be too self-absorbed to ever do something like that. I know your fears. I have had them too. As you well know, you can't stop anybody from doing anything at any time. We must learn to live with uncertainty. Life is filled with uncertainty. We have to quit fighting against that reality. We have to quit trying to manage, fix and control things that aren't in our "wheelhouse." Just managing ourselves is a full time job, and one worthy of our attention. Hang in there. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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Doing better, but overthinking
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