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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 752514" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Welcome,</p><p></p><p>Sorry that you find yourself here but you will find comfort and strength for sure.</p><p></p><p>I am with the others on this one with regards to your sons' hygiene. It's your home and I think you should implement some boundaries on his own personal cleanliness and that of his room. It is not an easy battle and I surely did not win them all on this one but I kept trying. My older son, when living at home would collect dishes and dirty cloths and then after a month he'd bring them all up to the kitchen and all his dirty laundry to be washed which then took like 3 days to do. Not the system I would have wanted but at least he eventually reached a point where he knew it needed to be done.</p><p></p><p>There are so many things I wish I could have done differently. For instance, my oldest, who is now 30, is gay. My ex husband is an alcoholic and unfortunately the way my sons' coming out was handled was horrible. My ex was fixing older sons computer per his request (when he was 18) and found gay pornography on it. Because of my ex's drinking and his own behavioral issues he made such a huge scene and ended up demanding my son leave that day from our home. To this day I shutter when I recall the manner that this all happened. I too played a part which I'm ashamed of. First off, I could not and did not stand up to my alcoholic husband at the time. I was too afraid but also weak. My own faith and beliefs and the reality of what we'd learned shocked me too. That night, once my ex sobered up we called every friend looking for my son. We were sorry for how we handled it but the damage was done. To this day, although I have sat down and whole-heartedly apologized for the horrible way that I handled it, my son still blames us for all he's unable to accomplish and attributes it to how this all played out. </p><p></p><p>I would only suggest to be very careful and respectful of how you approach your son, if you so chose to discuss, his sexuality "issues". I do think, in my humble opinion, you will be doing your son a favor in the long run to get this out in the open. I feel like I must have had blinders on to not see my son way gay. I suppose my life was pretty insane with the alcoholic and my full focus was on surviving that life. However, my son lived in the lonliness and fear of being different and not being able to share that with us. He knew the outrageous behavior of his alcoholic father and he knew my religious beliefs and was not able to come to us and discuss his sexuality freely. I feel he was a prisoner in his own body for many years. He now has many psycholigical issues, anger towards me etc. I can only think that maybe we could have prevented some of this if we had addressed it earlier on.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest praying that God be with you and guide you as you approach these issues so that your son will be open to hearing you and you will be able to express yourself in a manner that is respectful to both yourself and your son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 752514, member: 23405"] Welcome, Sorry that you find yourself here but you will find comfort and strength for sure. I am with the others on this one with regards to your sons' hygiene. It's your home and I think you should implement some boundaries on his own personal cleanliness and that of his room. It is not an easy battle and I surely did not win them all on this one but I kept trying. My older son, when living at home would collect dishes and dirty cloths and then after a month he'd bring them all up to the kitchen and all his dirty laundry to be washed which then took like 3 days to do. Not the system I would have wanted but at least he eventually reached a point where he knew it needed to be done. There are so many things I wish I could have done differently. For instance, my oldest, who is now 30, is gay. My ex husband is an alcoholic and unfortunately the way my sons' coming out was handled was horrible. My ex was fixing older sons computer per his request (when he was 18) and found gay pornography on it. Because of my ex's drinking and his own behavioral issues he made such a huge scene and ended up demanding my son leave that day from our home. To this day I shutter when I recall the manner that this all happened. I too played a part which I'm ashamed of. First off, I could not and did not stand up to my alcoholic husband at the time. I was too afraid but also weak. My own faith and beliefs and the reality of what we'd learned shocked me too. That night, once my ex sobered up we called every friend looking for my son. We were sorry for how we handled it but the damage was done. To this day, although I have sat down and whole-heartedly apologized for the horrible way that I handled it, my son still blames us for all he's unable to accomplish and attributes it to how this all played out. I would only suggest to be very careful and respectful of how you approach your son, if you so chose to discuss, his sexuality "issues". I do think, in my humble opinion, you will be doing your son a favor in the long run to get this out in the open. I feel like I must have had blinders on to not see my son way gay. I suppose my life was pretty insane with the alcoholic and my full focus was on surviving that life. However, my son lived in the lonliness and fear of being different and not being able to share that with us. He knew the outrageous behavior of his alcoholic father and he knew my religious beliefs and was not able to come to us and discuss his sexuality freely. I feel he was a prisoner in his own body for many years. He now has many psycholigical issues, anger towards me etc. I can only think that maybe we could have prevented some of this if we had addressed it earlier on. I would suggest praying that God be with you and guide you as you approach these issues so that your son will be open to hearing you and you will be able to express yourself in a manner that is respectful to both yourself and your son. [/QUOTE]
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