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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 265728" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Donna, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I understand very well what you are saying. My son is my bio-son and I feel put in a similar situation, even though I do want him to come home ultimately. Personally, I believe it is the way our system is set up to run these days. When a kid needs help and a family needs backing up, all the legal people and so-called therapists affiliated with them (and funded and trained by them so in reality, just other legal people) want to do is blame. They blame the parents to keep from having to lock the kid up longer. They apparently see no other option than to blame either the parents or thhe kid, which turns them against each other and causes more conflict at home. It is beyond me that they don't see that or that they can't get a clue given how this is obviously not improving the numbers of kids ending up right back in incarceration.</p><p></p><p>If you feel the need to move out a while, I don't blame you. I would urge you to take things slow though and still try to have a good relationship with your husband- he's in a bad situation too. Also, try hard to not put all the fault for an inadequate system of support on difficult child. I'm sure he is guilty of a lot, but when people in the system spend their time and energy blaming the parents, that is their fault, not the difficult child's.</p><p></p><p>My son is incarcerated now. I am going to try to get a transitional period lined up where some things can be worked out before difficult child comes home. I don't know if it's possible or not, but I am tired of being blamed when difficult child messes up, too, and when the kid knows this is what happens, it just makes it too easy for them to not take advantage of it when they are living at home. Maybe you could discuss a transitional period with husband and he can discuss it with the authorites.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 265728, member: 3699"] Donna, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I understand very well what you are saying. My son is my bio-son and I feel put in a similar situation, even though I do want him to come home ultimately. Personally, I believe it is the way our system is set up to run these days. When a kid needs help and a family needs backing up, all the legal people and so-called therapists affiliated with them (and funded and trained by them so in reality, just other legal people) want to do is blame. They blame the parents to keep from having to lock the kid up longer. They apparently see no other option than to blame either the parents or thhe kid, which turns them against each other and causes more conflict at home. It is beyond me that they don't see that or that they can't get a clue given how this is obviously not improving the numbers of kids ending up right back in incarceration. If you feel the need to move out a while, I don't blame you. I would urge you to take things slow though and still try to have a good relationship with your husband- he's in a bad situation too. Also, try hard to not put all the fault for an inadequate system of support on difficult child. I'm sure he is guilty of a lot, but when people in the system spend their time and energy blaming the parents, that is their fault, not the difficult child's. My son is incarcerated now. I am going to try to get a transitional period lined up where some things can be worked out before difficult child comes home. I don't know if it's possible or not, but I am tired of being blamed when difficult child messes up, too, and when the kid knows this is what happens, it just makes it too easy for them to not take advantage of it when they are living at home. Maybe you could discuss a transitional period with husband and he can discuss it with the authorites. [/QUOTE]
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