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Substance Abuse
Don't dial pain or head in the sand?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 511431"><p>Kathy,</p><p></p><p>I think you are showing healthy detachement... you are healthier this way than I am I think. It is crazy for a psychiatrist to prescribe xanax to an addict. You have to really wonder about that!!! But it is her problem and not yours. So I thinking knowing you don't want to know is healthy.... I can become obsessed with wanting to know and it never helps me.... getting to the point where I am ok with not knowing is a positive step for me.</p><p></p><p>As to supporting her.... I really think we cannot police our addicts and be in the position of having to be detectives to see if they are using or not. It is not a healthy role for us and doesn't help our relationship with them at all. I think the key is to look at their behavior... if their behavior is off then they are probably using again or at least that is a reasonable assumption and we can hope they are just being their difficult child selves.</p><p></p><p>And ultimately then we all have to set boundaries around financial support and anything else and base our boundaries on their behavior rather than if they are using or not using... because we can never be sure they are not using... we all know our addicts will lie through their teeth about their substance use.</p><p></p><p>After this last round with our difficult child I have decided that I will not give him any access to money at all... no gift cards etc. The only thing we will do is pay a place directly for rent and if he needs money for food it has to be via someone else who hopefully is trustworthy. I really feel we got conned a lot big time even with the grocery card... and the need for products for hygiene so he could get a job interview. I no longer believe he was even going for an interview.. I now think it was all a con to get money that he must have spent on booze since he needed alcohol detox.</p><p></p><p>And I totally understand not being ready to have her on the street... that had to be the hardest thing i have ever done... letting my son live on the street out of state with nothing. It took me a while to get to the point where I was willing to do that. And your daughter has been doing well lately so I can understand not being ready to do that and not being ready to know for sure she is using again.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 511431"] Kathy, I think you are showing healthy detachement... you are healthier this way than I am I think. It is crazy for a psychiatrist to prescribe xanax to an addict. You have to really wonder about that!!! But it is her problem and not yours. So I thinking knowing you don't want to know is healthy.... I can become obsessed with wanting to know and it never helps me.... getting to the point where I am ok with not knowing is a positive step for me. As to supporting her.... I really think we cannot police our addicts and be in the position of having to be detectives to see if they are using or not. It is not a healthy role for us and doesn't help our relationship with them at all. I think the key is to look at their behavior... if their behavior is off then they are probably using again or at least that is a reasonable assumption and we can hope they are just being their difficult child selves. And ultimately then we all have to set boundaries around financial support and anything else and base our boundaries on their behavior rather than if they are using or not using... because we can never be sure they are not using... we all know our addicts will lie through their teeth about their substance use. After this last round with our difficult child I have decided that I will not give him any access to money at all... no gift cards etc. The only thing we will do is pay a place directly for rent and if he needs money for food it has to be via someone else who hopefully is trustworthy. I really feel we got conned a lot big time even with the grocery card... and the need for products for hygiene so he could get a job interview. I no longer believe he was even going for an interview.. I now think it was all a con to get money that he must have spent on booze since he needed alcohol detox. And I totally understand not being ready to have her on the street... that had to be the hardest thing i have ever done... letting my son live on the street out of state with nothing. It took me a while to get to the point where I was willing to do that. And your daughter has been doing well lately so I can understand not being ready to do that and not being ready to know for sure she is using again. TL [/QUOTE]
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