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Dont know what to do anymore.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632227" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>HI there. COM said it all. You can not save your son nor is it a good idea to bail him out of trouble when he breaks the law. The fact is, we really don't know what our grown kids (men and women) do when they aren't with us. Things can seem all good and stuff goes on that we don't even know about. You can't blame anyone but your son for his behavior. It is not because of his friend. He would not have made friends with this man if he didn't feel a connection to him. Nobody forced him to a forge a friendship with a criminal. Your son's behavior is 100% on him and the more you get him out of trouble, the more he will feel that he is free to break the law because you will rescue him. I assume you are getting up there in age and would like a good and peaceful and fruitful retirement, not to blow all your money on your grown up son who makes poor choices. The money train (you) should stop today, in my opinion.; No bail. No other money. He is old enough to know the laws, to follow them and to face the music if he breaks the law. And you don't need to go broke over his horrible choices.</p><p></p><p>Your 14 year old child who needs you still wants your healthy and strong, not obsessing over your grown son who is flirting with jail. Often these criminal-type grown children suck the oxygen out of our lives to the point where our other loved ones get thrown aside. When you think about it, how unfair is that? I would not bring your older son back into the house for any reason, even if he has nowhere to go. You don't need that. Neither does your other child who tries so hard and does so well and needs a peaceful environment.</p><p></p><p>Some parents feel they have to support their grown children forever an d are still doing it at 80 while the child is 60 and still being abusive and an addict. Most of us here don't think that is a good life plan for anyone and you matter as much as your son does. Your son is old enough to go into combat for our country...many his age do. He is not that little baby and ten year old cheeky boy who snuggled with you. If he doesn't learn now that his bad behavior is his to own and nobody will help him out of it, he has no incentive to stop it and you will have no life.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Please be good to yourself and go to Al-Anon or find a private therapist for YOU, not for your son. Shower yourself with love. This is the time to pamper and baby YOU...not your son. His life journey is his own, only he can write it. And you can write YOUR own and many of us have good lives even with struggling adult children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632227, member: 1550"] HI there. COM said it all. You can not save your son nor is it a good idea to bail him out of trouble when he breaks the law. The fact is, we really don't know what our grown kids (men and women) do when they aren't with us. Things can seem all good and stuff goes on that we don't even know about. You can't blame anyone but your son for his behavior. It is not because of his friend. He would not have made friends with this man if he didn't feel a connection to him. Nobody forced him to a forge a friendship with a criminal. Your son's behavior is 100% on him and the more you get him out of trouble, the more he will feel that he is free to break the law because you will rescue him. I assume you are getting up there in age and would like a good and peaceful and fruitful retirement, not to blow all your money on your grown up son who makes poor choices. The money train (you) should stop today, in my opinion.; No bail. No other money. He is old enough to know the laws, to follow them and to face the music if he breaks the law. And you don't need to go broke over his horrible choices. Your 14 year old child who needs you still wants your healthy and strong, not obsessing over your grown son who is flirting with jail. Often these criminal-type grown children suck the oxygen out of our lives to the point where our other loved ones get thrown aside. When you think about it, how unfair is that? I would not bring your older son back into the house for any reason, even if he has nowhere to go. You don't need that. Neither does your other child who tries so hard and does so well and needs a peaceful environment. Some parents feel they have to support their grown children forever an d are still doing it at 80 while the child is 60 and still being abusive and an addict. Most of us here don't think that is a good life plan for anyone and you matter as much as your son does. Your son is old enough to go into combat for our country...many his age do. He is not that little baby and ten year old cheeky boy who snuggled with you. If he doesn't learn now that his bad behavior is his to own and nobody will help him out of it, he has no incentive to stop it and you will have no life. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Please be good to yourself and go to Al-Anon or find a private therapist for YOU, not for your son. Shower yourself with love. This is the time to pamper and baby YOU...not your son. His life journey is his own, only he can write it. And you can write YOUR own and many of us have good lives even with struggling adult children. [/QUOTE]
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