Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Dont know what to do anymore.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 632263" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Tired, that would be logical, and drug addiction, as I am sure you know, is anything but logical.</p><p></p><p>Last night, I had dinner with a good friend for her birthday. We had a very nice time. Her husband is an active alcoholic and has other addictions as well. They have been married for 25 years. </p><p></p><p>Their home is a cold tomb right now. He doesn't want to change and he is very angry with her. She is going to therapy and we talk. I have been able to share my experience, strength and hope. </p><p></p><p>Last night, she said, he will give up all of this, me, the family we have built with our three children, our life? That doesn't make any sense. </p><p></p><p>Addiction isn't logical. It doesn't make any sense. You can't problem-solve it, like we do the other problems in our lives. </p><p></p><p>They want their stuff more than they want anything else in the whole wide world, even though they still love us. I told her, somewhere underneath all of this, is the person you once knew, and that person loves you and has many good qualities.</p><p></p><p>But right now, he is in the grip, the fierce grip, of an awful, terrible, progressive disease. It doesn't stay the same. Untreated, it gets worse.</p><p></p><p>And all we can do is stand by, stand down, wait, keep quiet, focus on ourselves, let them go.....and watch. It is torture of the worst kind. </p><p></p><p>At some point, she is going to leave him. She isn't sure if she loves him anymore. The cold tomb has been present since before Christmas. They are barely going through the motions. It is utterly sad. It is such a waste. It is addiction. </p><p></p><p>I feel for us all, and I feel for them. </p><p></p><p>Their lives are in ruins, many of them, but still they keep on. This man, my friend's husband, is going to fall at some point. It is inevitable, unless he can start a program of recovery. He is a good man, and helps many people in his work, but the disease is the disease and it only gets worse.</p><p></p><p>Us----our lives are in ruins as well---as we track their lives. Once we start stopping that tracking, and stand on the curb, and sadly, terribly let them go on, down the road, watching as they walk away, leaving, moving down the awful road....and then we turn away, start walking in the other direction, down that same road, toward hope, toward rebuilding our own lives, toward making our day the very best it can be, healing, getting better, learning and doing new things, for ourselves....then we start to get better. We will turn and watch them get smaller and smaller, letting them go, and it is wrenching for us, but that is what we must do. That is our logical thing to do, and that logical thing is the hardest thing we have ever done or ever will do in our lives.</p><p></p><p>I can write that today, and feel sad, and not sit here sobbing. And that to me, is progress. </p><p></p><p>Wishing us all continued progress down the road of our own lives. With help and hard work, we can make progress.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 632263, member: 17542"] Tired, that would be logical, and drug addiction, as I am sure you know, is anything but logical. Last night, I had dinner with a good friend for her birthday. We had a very nice time. Her husband is an active alcoholic and has other addictions as well. They have been married for 25 years. Their home is a cold tomb right now. He doesn't want to change and he is very angry with her. She is going to therapy and we talk. I have been able to share my experience, strength and hope. Last night, she said, he will give up all of this, me, the family we have built with our three children, our life? That doesn't make any sense. Addiction isn't logical. It doesn't make any sense. You can't problem-solve it, like we do the other problems in our lives. They want their stuff more than they want anything else in the whole wide world, even though they still love us. I told her, somewhere underneath all of this, is the person you once knew, and that person loves you and has many good qualities. But right now, he is in the grip, the fierce grip, of an awful, terrible, progressive disease. It doesn't stay the same. Untreated, it gets worse. And all we can do is stand by, stand down, wait, keep quiet, focus on ourselves, let them go.....and watch. It is torture of the worst kind. At some point, she is going to leave him. She isn't sure if she loves him anymore. The cold tomb has been present since before Christmas. They are barely going through the motions. It is utterly sad. It is such a waste. It is addiction. I feel for us all, and I feel for them. Their lives are in ruins, many of them, but still they keep on. This man, my friend's husband, is going to fall at some point. It is inevitable, unless he can start a program of recovery. He is a good man, and helps many people in his work, but the disease is the disease and it only gets worse. Us----our lives are in ruins as well---as we track their lives. Once we start stopping that tracking, and stand on the curb, and sadly, terribly let them go on, down the road, watching as they walk away, leaving, moving down the awful road....and then we turn away, start walking in the other direction, down that same road, toward hope, toward rebuilding our own lives, toward making our day the very best it can be, healing, getting better, learning and doing new things, for ourselves....then we start to get better. We will turn and watch them get smaller and smaller, letting them go, and it is wrenching for us, but that is what we must do. That is our logical thing to do, and that logical thing is the hardest thing we have ever done or ever will do in our lives. I can write that today, and feel sad, and not sit here sobbing. And that to me, is progress. Wishing us all continued progress down the road of our own lives. With help and hard work, we can make progress. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Dont know what to do anymore.
Top