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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 511783" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi RE -</p><p></p><p>I wish I could say that it took me a long time to think about what to say to you and respond, but it really didn't. My heart aches for your choices, and the sleepless nights, and the place where your Mommy heart is at, because I'm not sure that any choice you could make at this time would ever allow you to feel that you finally made a right one, or a good one, or gave your daughter help with a sign that popped down from the sky and said "Hey Don Pardo - tell her what she's won.......!" If it were all just that easy huh? (Personally I'd pick the box, and leave door #3 alone Monty)</p><p></p><p>At 39, She's had a heck of a ride. The saddest thing for me in all of it is that at 27 - she was either so hard headed or fragile that her CHILDREN were taken from her rather than get help. To me that resonates more than the cats, more than loosing material things. You'd be surprised how very little loosing material things really means when you continually loose them over and over and over. TO YOU? It means a great deal because you are stable, in a stable home, have a stable life, and couldn't imagine what it would be like to live out of a suitcase with literally nothing but a cat under your arm. I can. Every time my x moved us - I gave up more and more possessions, and things, and then I went through two major hurricanes, and two complete house fires, and 2 floods. Not to mention having my things thrown on the lawn and being screamed at by a lunatic in front of the neighbors more times than I can count. (now that's a misdemeanor, but then? No biggie) What I'm trying to say is that it took me years to build it back up again - but on the way - THINGS are THINGS - I can always earn things - I can NOT replace people. ANd like you said - pets - I would Imagine she's very attached to the one cat - but the others? Well - honestly if she did care at all about them? She'd let them go. SHe has to realize she is not fit to take them, they need more than she can give. And what it MUST be doing to your Granddaughter to hear her MOther Fighting so hard to keep CATS - but when it was her? What about her? In the back of her mind this must be very difficult to hear. (guessing)</p><p></p><p>As far as putting her up in a place? I think you invite the devil. LIterally. She couldn't even be in a tent in your back yard - and there were bicycles/men - and at a place you are going to pay for her? Again - it's easy street, plus one. SHe learns nothing. Even mentally ill people eventually get tough love - I know - my son is one of them. It killed me to say get out, stay out, and not bring him back no matter what...But he finally saw that he'd played out his hand with EVERYONE - there was no more couch surfing, no more beggin for the occasional 20 bucks - no more joking around. And he got serious. He worked. He made a way for himself. He did it in between threats of "i'll kill myself, no one loves me, I'm worthless, I wish I'd never been born yadda yadda....." and on a couple occasions I think he tried to drink himself to death. Friends took him to the ER, had his stomach pumped, and he'd call me and say "I was so stupid MOmma I hate being like this." I'd listen, and say YOu're the only one who can change YOU." Hope you do soon.</p><p></p><p>We even sorta planned for him not to be with us. We've lost two sons....and with all his going on and on about dying, hating life - and such? I kept thinking - WELL I better get insurance enough to bury him. Couldn't even do that. He had to have a physical and a drug test, and be in the same house/state 0r go to an independent agent. Wow - yeah like that was happening. BUT I couldn't afford to pay for HIM and whatever little girl that didn't have a place for the night and 10 of his friends to flop at a place I was paying for. IT was ridiculous. AND I know my son. He takes in strays......human and animal. There was never any less than 5 to 10 guys flopping at his house. Heart in right place Mind elsewhere.</p><p></p><p>I did find this and posted a while back - maybe it will be of some help.....I guess bottom line is you're asking if she had a nice place to go to to decompress and relax and breathe - would she come back to some semblence of normal? Shrug. If that's possible - why not send her AWAY from where she is - and out of state away from all the bad influences to a relatives place for a couple of weeks. Or an old friend? Let her get away from the geography of her situation. They say you take your problems with you - and that's very true....but I think a new view may do her some good. Maybe a 1/2 way house for hurting women....</p><p>Call your local hospital and ask them for the suicide grievance person. They may have some resources - maybe such a place exists for your daughter to decompress after all.</p><p></p><p>Call a local womens shelter and ask their advice too. They'll counsel you better than I can I'm sure -------and if all else fails - check this info out - My heart to yours.......Star</p><p></p><p>Projects for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness (PATH)</p><p>Managing AgencyU.S. Department of Health and Human Services<span style="color: #315771"><a href="http://www.hhs.gov/" target="_blank">http://www.hhs.gov/</a></span></p><p><strong>Program Description</strong></p><p></p><p>The Federal grant program Projects for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness (PATH) provides assistance to individuals who are homeless and have serious mental illnesses. PATH funds are distributed to States/Territories that, in turn, contract with local public or non-profit organizations to fund a variety of services to homeless individuals. Among the services eligible for funding under PATH are:</p><p></p><p>1) Outreach services</p><p>2) Screening and diagnostic treatment services</p><p>3) Habilitation and rehabilitation services</p><p>4) Community mental health services</p><p>5) Alcohol and drug treatment services</p><p>6) Staff training</p><p>7) Case management services</p><p>8) Supportive and supervisory services in residential settings</p><p>9) Referrals for primary health services, job training, educational services</p><p>10) Relevant housing services</p><p></p><p><strong>General Program Requirements</strong></p><p></p><p>In order to qualify for this benefit program, you must be homeless/live in a shelter and you or any of your family/household members must be facing mental illness.</p><p><strong>Your Next Steps</strong></p><p></p><p>The following information will lead you to the next steps to apply for this benefit.</p><p><strong>Application Process</strong></p><p></p><p>For more information, see the Program Contact Information below.</p><p><strong>Program Contact Information</strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 511783, member: 4964"] Hi RE - I wish I could say that it took me a long time to think about what to say to you and respond, but it really didn't. My heart aches for your choices, and the sleepless nights, and the place where your Mommy heart is at, because I'm not sure that any choice you could make at this time would ever allow you to feel that you finally made a right one, or a good one, or gave your daughter help with a sign that popped down from the sky and said "Hey Don Pardo - tell her what she's won.......!" If it were all just that easy huh? (Personally I'd pick the box, and leave door #3 alone Monty) At 39, She's had a heck of a ride. The saddest thing for me in all of it is that at 27 - she was either so hard headed or fragile that her CHILDREN were taken from her rather than get help. To me that resonates more than the cats, more than loosing material things. You'd be surprised how very little loosing material things really means when you continually loose them over and over and over. TO YOU? It means a great deal because you are stable, in a stable home, have a stable life, and couldn't imagine what it would be like to live out of a suitcase with literally nothing but a cat under your arm. I can. Every time my x moved us - I gave up more and more possessions, and things, and then I went through two major hurricanes, and two complete house fires, and 2 floods. Not to mention having my things thrown on the lawn and being screamed at by a lunatic in front of the neighbors more times than I can count. (now that's a misdemeanor, but then? No biggie) What I'm trying to say is that it took me years to build it back up again - but on the way - THINGS are THINGS - I can always earn things - I can NOT replace people. ANd like you said - pets - I would Imagine she's very attached to the one cat - but the others? Well - honestly if she did care at all about them? She'd let them go. SHe has to realize she is not fit to take them, they need more than she can give. And what it MUST be doing to your Granddaughter to hear her MOther Fighting so hard to keep CATS - but when it was her? What about her? In the back of her mind this must be very difficult to hear. (guessing) As far as putting her up in a place? I think you invite the devil. LIterally. She couldn't even be in a tent in your back yard - and there were bicycles/men - and at a place you are going to pay for her? Again - it's easy street, plus one. SHe learns nothing. Even mentally ill people eventually get tough love - I know - my son is one of them. It killed me to say get out, stay out, and not bring him back no matter what...But he finally saw that he'd played out his hand with EVERYONE - there was no more couch surfing, no more beggin for the occasional 20 bucks - no more joking around. And he got serious. He worked. He made a way for himself. He did it in between threats of "i'll kill myself, no one loves me, I'm worthless, I wish I'd never been born yadda yadda....." and on a couple occasions I think he tried to drink himself to death. Friends took him to the ER, had his stomach pumped, and he'd call me and say "I was so stupid MOmma I hate being like this." I'd listen, and say YOu're the only one who can change YOU." Hope you do soon. We even sorta planned for him not to be with us. We've lost two sons....and with all his going on and on about dying, hating life - and such? I kept thinking - WELL I better get insurance enough to bury him. Couldn't even do that. He had to have a physical and a drug test, and be in the same house/state 0r go to an independent agent. Wow - yeah like that was happening. BUT I couldn't afford to pay for HIM and whatever little girl that didn't have a place for the night and 10 of his friends to flop at a place I was paying for. IT was ridiculous. AND I know my son. He takes in strays......human and animal. There was never any less than 5 to 10 guys flopping at his house. Heart in right place Mind elsewhere. I did find this and posted a while back - maybe it will be of some help.....I guess bottom line is you're asking if she had a nice place to go to to decompress and relax and breathe - would she come back to some semblence of normal? Shrug. If that's possible - why not send her AWAY from where she is - and out of state away from all the bad influences to a relatives place for a couple of weeks. Or an old friend? Let her get away from the geography of her situation. They say you take your problems with you - and that's very true....but I think a new view may do her some good. Maybe a 1/2 way house for hurting women.... Call your local hospital and ask them for the suicide grievance person. They may have some resources - maybe such a place exists for your daughter to decompress after all. Call a local womens shelter and ask their advice too. They'll counsel you better than I can I'm sure -------and if all else fails - check this info out - My heart to yours.......Star Projects for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness (PATH) Managing AgencyU.S. Department of Health and Human Services[COLOR=#315771][url]http://www.hhs.gov/[/url][/COLOR] [B]Program Description[/B] The Federal grant program Projects for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness (PATH) provides assistance to individuals who are homeless and have serious mental illnesses. PATH funds are distributed to States/Territories that, in turn, contract with local public or non-profit organizations to fund a variety of services to homeless individuals. Among the services eligible for funding under PATH are: 1) Outreach services 2) Screening and diagnostic treatment services 3) Habilitation and rehabilitation services 4) Community mental health services 5) Alcohol and drug treatment services 6) Staff training 7) Case management services 8) Supportive and supervisory services in residential settings 9) Referrals for primary health services, job training, educational services 10) Relevant housing services [B]General Program Requirements[/B] In order to qualify for this benefit program, you must be homeless/live in a shelter and you or any of your family/household members must be facing mental illness. [B]Your Next Steps[/B] The following information will lead you to the next steps to apply for this benefit. [B]Application Process[/B] For more information, see the Program Contact Information below. [B]Program Contact Information[/B] [/QUOTE]
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