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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 512026" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>You guys are the greatest. I am now armed with things I can do.</p><p></p><p>Susie- the Animal Control folks in my town are part of the local sheriff's office. They are cops who do Animal Control. They're the ones who told me the bad news about my liability. I told my daughter this morning that the cats need to be removed from the car ASAP because I live in a Homeowners Association and this kind of thing is not allowed. I bent the truth a tad and told her if the cats aren't taken out, someone will likely call animal control and then it will be out of my hands. I'm hoping she will rethink the shelter thing. Yesterday she seemed to open a tad more to that idea. She has no other options for them right now. Unfortunately, the local humane society euthanize's the animals within 72 hours. A close friend of mine is in the Animal business and she was the one who recommended we go through the Sheriff's Animal Control because they liaison with the local compassionate shelter and once the cats are surrendered, they are very well cared for and adopted out. We did a lot of research about it to find the best option, and then our hands got tied by the very people who we thought would help us. I am an animal lover too, so this has been gruesome. </p><p></p><p>After reading Nomad's post about her daughter and cats, I looked up 'cat hoarding' and sure enough, my difficult child fits that description. Yikes. She was a hoarder of stuff when she had her own home so that makes sense that she suffers from this one too. So, all my pleading about the cats welfare has fallen on deaf ears because she views the cats differently then a normal person, much like she did with the children. Everything gets hoarded into the house or whatever encasement for safe keeping. I talked to a therapist about this years ago, about hoarding, and she told me that they look at 'things' or in this case 'cats' as part of themselves, they cannot distinguish a difference and the need to HOLD ON is extreme. It's extreme fear. And, it really amped up after she found her husband dead in the garage. </p><p></p><p>I found an agency called NAMI, with a chapter in my county, (National Alliance on Mental Illness) I called them and found out they have a weekly group for families which offers advice and resources. I have a lot going on but I may be able to do that group today. In any case, it's offered once a week.The person I spoke with told me this is where to start in the process. He told me that the guardianship issues for the Mentally ill are addressed in this group. </p><p></p><p>Star- you make an excellent point about too many choices. That makes so much sense, she is definetly on decision overload, I can see that now, it makes perfect sense. She has so many decisions to make now, wow. </p><p></p><p> Right now, I want the cats to be safe. Then figure out what to do while I'm away. I have 2 people who are willing to check on the house while we're gone, and one is my SO's son, he may be willing to stay over a few nights. I don't know yet.</p><p></p><p>My daughter does<u> not want </u>to stay at my house anymore, the boundaries we set were way too much for her. She felt invisible and therefore she doesn't see it as an option. Tired, my difficult child gave my address to her Parole officer. She is presently not at my house, she opted to be somewhere else. I don't think she wants to be around me much since I am the voice of reason and she gets upset with all my inquiries. <em>I interrupt her world of illusion. </em>As far as I know, she has not been made aware of our vacation plans so she doesn't know we are leaving yet. I've been quiet about our plans so she couldn't use it to her advantage. I plan on telling her that my SO's son is staying at the house in case she finds out. She doesn't usually question too much about me, she is too involved in her own stuff every minute of the day, she gets hyper focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else and that takes all her time and energy. </p><p></p><p>I can't force her to get on a plane and go to Florida to see her Dad. I've tried every which way to get her to do that, but she is an adult with a strong mind of her own, even if it is filled with chaos, she knows what she wants to do and she isn't willing to go right now. Plus her Dad hasn't called me back after my call of yesterday, so he may have already thrown in the towel on her, I don't know. </p><p></p><p>Yes, the best case scenario is she gets evaluated, diagnosed and then she could get disability or SS and/or all the mental health benefits. As I've said, I've got all of that in a file ready to go once she agrees, but she won't even discuss it, she feels like she is normal. It's become a useless conversation. Maybe NAMI can help me get the ball started with proceedings to gain control over her choices so I can get all of that in place for her. Good Lord. I may try talking to her one more time about it, maybe, as Buddy says, she may be motivated by money. </p><p></p><p>I'm tired. So tired. I've been at this for so long, not just the last 6 weeks or so. I feel like something has to be done, something where she is safe. I will talk to my therapist on Thursday to see if there are options I may not know about. </p><p></p><p>You've all helped me to put this in some kind of perspective , and to prioritize what I need to do. Get the cats safe, keep my home safe, find a way to interupt my daughters poor choices and if need be become the person who makes those choices for her. I will gather information now until I leave. I'll get some peace and rest while away and when I get back I can begin whatver process needs to happen. That sounds like a plan, right? Are there any holes in my thinking? Have I missed something? Geez, I'm too old for this. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, there is homework, grades, a prom to get ready for, teenage stuff. My to do list is so long.............it's overwhelming sometimes. I remember having a lot more energy when my daughter was 15. But, oh yeah, I was 24 years younger then!!!</p><p></p><p>You guys are my angels right now, guiding me through this maze. Thank you so much. Hugs to you all............Star, Susiestar, Tiredof33, Nomad and Buddy. God bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 512026, member: 13542"] You guys are the greatest. I am now armed with things I can do. Susie- the Animal Control folks in my town are part of the local sheriff's office. They are cops who do Animal Control. They're the ones who told me the bad news about my liability. I told my daughter this morning that the cats need to be removed from the car ASAP because I live in a Homeowners Association and this kind of thing is not allowed. I bent the truth a tad and told her if the cats aren't taken out, someone will likely call animal control and then it will be out of my hands. I'm hoping she will rethink the shelter thing. Yesterday she seemed to open a tad more to that idea. She has no other options for them right now. Unfortunately, the local humane society euthanize's the animals within 72 hours. A close friend of mine is in the Animal business and she was the one who recommended we go through the Sheriff's Animal Control because they liaison with the local compassionate shelter and once the cats are surrendered, they are very well cared for and adopted out. We did a lot of research about it to find the best option, and then our hands got tied by the very people who we thought would help us. I am an animal lover too, so this has been gruesome. After reading Nomad's post about her daughter and cats, I looked up 'cat hoarding' and sure enough, my difficult child fits that description. Yikes. She was a hoarder of stuff when she had her own home so that makes sense that she suffers from this one too. So, all my pleading about the cats welfare has fallen on deaf ears because she views the cats differently then a normal person, much like she did with the children. Everything gets hoarded into the house or whatever encasement for safe keeping. I talked to a therapist about this years ago, about hoarding, and she told me that they look at 'things' or in this case 'cats' as part of themselves, they cannot distinguish a difference and the need to HOLD ON is extreme. It's extreme fear. And, it really amped up after she found her husband dead in the garage. I found an agency called NAMI, with a chapter in my county, (National Alliance on Mental Illness) I called them and found out they have a weekly group for families which offers advice and resources. I have a lot going on but I may be able to do that group today. In any case, it's offered once a week.The person I spoke with told me this is where to start in the process. He told me that the guardianship issues for the Mentally ill are addressed in this group. Star- you make an excellent point about too many choices. That makes so much sense, she is definetly on decision overload, I can see that now, it makes perfect sense. She has so many decisions to make now, wow. Right now, I want the cats to be safe. Then figure out what to do while I'm away. I have 2 people who are willing to check on the house while we're gone, and one is my SO's son, he may be willing to stay over a few nights. I don't know yet. My daughter does[U] not want [/U]to stay at my house anymore, the boundaries we set were way too much for her. She felt invisible and therefore she doesn't see it as an option. Tired, my difficult child gave my address to her Parole officer. She is presently not at my house, she opted to be somewhere else. I don't think she wants to be around me much since I am the voice of reason and she gets upset with all my inquiries. [I]I interrupt her world of illusion. [/I]As far as I know, she has not been made aware of our vacation plans so she doesn't know we are leaving yet. I've been quiet about our plans so she couldn't use it to her advantage. I plan on telling her that my SO's son is staying at the house in case she finds out. She doesn't usually question too much about me, she is too involved in her own stuff every minute of the day, she gets hyper focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else and that takes all her time and energy. I can't force her to get on a plane and go to Florida to see her Dad. I've tried every which way to get her to do that, but she is an adult with a strong mind of her own, even if it is filled with chaos, she knows what she wants to do and she isn't willing to go right now. Plus her Dad hasn't called me back after my call of yesterday, so he may have already thrown in the towel on her, I don't know. Yes, the best case scenario is she gets evaluated, diagnosed and then she could get disability or SS and/or all the mental health benefits. As I've said, I've got all of that in a file ready to go once she agrees, but she won't even discuss it, she feels like she is normal. It's become a useless conversation. Maybe NAMI can help me get the ball started with proceedings to gain control over her choices so I can get all of that in place for her. Good Lord. I may try talking to her one more time about it, maybe, as Buddy says, she may be motivated by money. I'm tired. So tired. I've been at this for so long, not just the last 6 weeks or so. I feel like something has to be done, something where she is safe. I will talk to my therapist on Thursday to see if there are options I may not know about. You've all helped me to put this in some kind of perspective , and to prioritize what I need to do. Get the cats safe, keep my home safe, find a way to interupt my daughters poor choices and if need be become the person who makes those choices for her. I will gather information now until I leave. I'll get some peace and rest while away and when I get back I can begin whatver process needs to happen. That sounds like a plan, right? Are there any holes in my thinking? Have I missed something? Geez, I'm too old for this. In the meantime, there is homework, grades, a prom to get ready for, teenage stuff. My to do list is so long.............it's overwhelming sometimes. I remember having a lot more energy when my daughter was 15. But, oh yeah, I was 24 years younger then!!! You guys are my angels right now, guiding me through this maze. Thank you so much. Hugs to you all............Star, Susiestar, Tiredof33, Nomad and Buddy. God bless. [/QUOTE]
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