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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 512294" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thanks Star and Tired and DDD for your responses.</p><p></p><p>Another day, more stuff to think about............I did end up going to that resource workshop yesterday given by the local chapter of NAMI. It was very informative. A group of folks who are well versed in mental illness, homelessness and getting you through the bureaucratic maze of Social Services , gave me answers. </p><p></p><p>If my difficult child will agree, I can set up a meeting with the Social Worker who can help her with housing. He told me not to tell her anything about mental issues, just say he can help with housing, so he can assess her while talking to her, assuming she agrees to meet with him, and they will attempt to convince her of the merits of allowing them to help with housing. These folks are in a task force to help the homeless mentally ill find housing, among many other supportive measures they offer. They all listened to my tale of woe and they all agreed that my daughter is mentally ill and unable to care for herself. It was pretty soothing to sit there and be heard and given advice from people who know what is going on and what I am going through. They offer many support groups for the families too. I was amazed at all the resources they have. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child falls into the tiny crack of the mentally ill who can act normal to some degree and get some things done, however, cannot really take care of themselves. Plus her level of denial is huge so she is convinced she is normal, which they told me yesterday is the usual response, even after they are diagnosed at times.</p><p></p><p>As Star suggested, I called the local animal boarding facility and the cost for boarding 3-4 cats is $20 per night, per cat. I cannot afford that for an indefinite amount of time.</p><p></p><p>I believe my difficult child is suffering from severe inertia right now, in addition to her other mental anomalies, brought upon by too many choices. She seems frozen in place.</p><p></p><p>I talked to her yesterday and she said she has to leave wherever she is and will move back into the tent! I said, calmly, don't you recall agreeing to being out of our environment by March 1st, including the car, cats, tent, etc.? She got upset and said, Ok fine, I'll just go live in my car with the cats. I said, well that's your choice, but I might keep in mind that without a license plus sleeping in your car, you will be picked up by the police and put in jail for vagrancy. At which point she started to cry and said she had to go. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>I remained calm on the phone with her because, especially after yesterdays meeting, I am now acutely aware of her level of incompetency. She just cannot make choices that are healthy and make any sense to anyone but her. It's hard not to be angry at her all the time, but I've done that for years and years, and now I realized that she just cannot cope with life and has a severe brain problem of some magnitude which keeps her stuck. </p><p></p><p>I just called her again and left a message and told her we need to talk tonight, she cannot avoid me any longer. I told her the tent and the cats need to be removed from my home. The social worker who is willing to help us with housing for her told me that if she will not talk to him or agree to any help whatsoever to any assistance then she makes the choice to go live in her car with the cats and it's only a matter of time before she will be picked up and put back in jail. He said, those are now her two choices. Yikes. He asked if I would be willing to let her go knowing her fate and I said yes. Reluctantly. Unhappily. Miserably. But yes.</p><p></p><p>I heard from her Dad last night. After listening to his anger about how crazy it is to keep those cats in the car, he relaxed a bit and agreed to pay for her license. He refused to help with any housing for her. I understand his reasoning. He also said as long as she won't help herself he is pretty done. He can't get how incompetent she really is, he is blaming her for her choices. Well, I did that for years too. I am trying to stop blaming her and trying to recognize her brain doesn't work right. She is at a critical point now, and no one has any hope that she will make a good choice and allow these social workers to help. Everyone believes she will continue her relentless dive into the darkness. I have a tiny spark of hope, but not much. I have a feeling I will be watching her get in her car, with the cats and drive away into the unknown. That scares me and makes me so sad. But, there is nothing else I can do.</p><p></p><p>I am very tired. As you can imagine, this has taken a large toll on me. Yesterday I also talked to a Psychiatrist about the ins and outs of gaining guardianship over my difficult child. Apparently, at least here in CA., this is a very long process, involving attorneys and hospitals and one has to keep at it for a long time before it may or may not result in gaining control That is not an option the Social Workers thought viable either. She is an adult, who has some mental capacity and can get food for herself, is not a threat to herself or anyone else (other then the cats) so that road seems a dead end. </p><p></p><p>Today, it appears that it's all up to my difficult child. She either agrees to get help through the system, or she moves into her car and counts the days until she is arrested and put into jail. For me, this is the end of a very long saga which has taken chunks of my life away one bit at a time. We have reached the endgame. With all the support and care I've surrounded myself with these last 4 months, I am in a place to detach now. This is clearly the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and if it goes down hard, which it's likely to do, I am prepared to let go. I never wanted to be in this place. And, yet, here I am. </p><p></p><p>Thanks Star, you're right. Once this is over, I will go away and put this all on hold. I will have to rest and rejuvenate myself now, this has taken a lot out of me, I can feel how fatigued I am.</p><p></p><p>You've all made this ugly process bearable. I found you all at just the right time and I am very grateful for all the help, care , insight, humor and understanding. Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 512294, member: 13542"] Thanks Star and Tired and DDD for your responses. Another day, more stuff to think about............I did end up going to that resource workshop yesterday given by the local chapter of NAMI. It was very informative. A group of folks who are well versed in mental illness, homelessness and getting you through the bureaucratic maze of Social Services , gave me answers. If my difficult child will agree, I can set up a meeting with the Social Worker who can help her with housing. He told me not to tell her anything about mental issues, just say he can help with housing, so he can assess her while talking to her, assuming she agrees to meet with him, and they will attempt to convince her of the merits of allowing them to help with housing. These folks are in a task force to help the homeless mentally ill find housing, among many other supportive measures they offer. They all listened to my tale of woe and they all agreed that my daughter is mentally ill and unable to care for herself. It was pretty soothing to sit there and be heard and given advice from people who know what is going on and what I am going through. They offer many support groups for the families too. I was amazed at all the resources they have. My difficult child falls into the tiny crack of the mentally ill who can act normal to some degree and get some things done, however, cannot really take care of themselves. Plus her level of denial is huge so she is convinced she is normal, which they told me yesterday is the usual response, even after they are diagnosed at times. As Star suggested, I called the local animal boarding facility and the cost for boarding 3-4 cats is $20 per night, per cat. I cannot afford that for an indefinite amount of time. I believe my difficult child is suffering from severe inertia right now, in addition to her other mental anomalies, brought upon by too many choices. She seems frozen in place. I talked to her yesterday and she said she has to leave wherever she is and will move back into the tent! I said, calmly, don't you recall agreeing to being out of our environment by March 1st, including the car, cats, tent, etc.? She got upset and said, Ok fine, I'll just go live in my car with the cats. I said, well that's your choice, but I might keep in mind that without a license plus sleeping in your car, you will be picked up by the police and put in jail for vagrancy. At which point she started to cry and said she had to go. Sigh. I remained calm on the phone with her because, especially after yesterdays meeting, I am now acutely aware of her level of incompetency. She just cannot make choices that are healthy and make any sense to anyone but her. It's hard not to be angry at her all the time, but I've done that for years and years, and now I realized that she just cannot cope with life and has a severe brain problem of some magnitude which keeps her stuck. I just called her again and left a message and told her we need to talk tonight, she cannot avoid me any longer. I told her the tent and the cats need to be removed from my home. The social worker who is willing to help us with housing for her told me that if she will not talk to him or agree to any help whatsoever to any assistance then she makes the choice to go live in her car with the cats and it's only a matter of time before she will be picked up and put back in jail. He said, those are now her two choices. Yikes. He asked if I would be willing to let her go knowing her fate and I said yes. Reluctantly. Unhappily. Miserably. But yes. I heard from her Dad last night. After listening to his anger about how crazy it is to keep those cats in the car, he relaxed a bit and agreed to pay for her license. He refused to help with any housing for her. I understand his reasoning. He also said as long as she won't help herself he is pretty done. He can't get how incompetent she really is, he is blaming her for her choices. Well, I did that for years too. I am trying to stop blaming her and trying to recognize her brain doesn't work right. She is at a critical point now, and no one has any hope that she will make a good choice and allow these social workers to help. Everyone believes she will continue her relentless dive into the darkness. I have a tiny spark of hope, but not much. I have a feeling I will be watching her get in her car, with the cats and drive away into the unknown. That scares me and makes me so sad. But, there is nothing else I can do. I am very tired. As you can imagine, this has taken a large toll on me. Yesterday I also talked to a Psychiatrist about the ins and outs of gaining guardianship over my difficult child. Apparently, at least here in CA., this is a very long process, involving attorneys and hospitals and one has to keep at it for a long time before it may or may not result in gaining control That is not an option the Social Workers thought viable either. She is an adult, who has some mental capacity and can get food for herself, is not a threat to herself or anyone else (other then the cats) so that road seems a dead end. Today, it appears that it's all up to my difficult child. She either agrees to get help through the system, or she moves into her car and counts the days until she is arrested and put into jail. For me, this is the end of a very long saga which has taken chunks of my life away one bit at a time. We have reached the endgame. With all the support and care I've surrounded myself with these last 4 months, I am in a place to detach now. This is clearly the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and if it goes down hard, which it's likely to do, I am prepared to let go. I never wanted to be in this place. And, yet, here I am. Thanks Star, you're right. Once this is over, I will go away and put this all on hold. I will have to rest and rejuvenate myself now, this has taken a lot out of me, I can feel how fatigued I am. You've all made this ugly process bearable. I found you all at just the right time and I am very grateful for all the help, care , insight, humor and understanding. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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Don't know which way to go, could use some advice..............
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