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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 755437" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Our lives are what we make of them. We are treated, I have learned, how we allow. </p><p></p><p>I too am a peacekeeper. I never wanted anyone to have to worry about me and I am a listener. And I got some of the treatment you got. But I am still in touch with my family. After all, I feel I can't expect others to do what I don't ask of them. I see this with my daughter too. She treats me the way I allowed her to for many years. Over a decade. I did not ask for respect. Her abuse was tolerated. Often I told myself she couldn't help it ornitnmust be my fault that she is so mean to me. </p><p></p><p>I started Al Anon and rarely spoke but I did a lot of listening and eventually felt safe enough to share a bit, then later on a lot. Therapy started after Al Anon so I was already a bit more comfortable talking about the situation. Today I feel very safe telling certain people about what is going on, but I don't talk in depth about it with family. I do feel like my many siblings understand, but they still think of me as being stronger than I am. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I am not telling you to push yourself to ask for support from others. But if you want to change you can. It's really up to you. None of us are locked into being one way. Even being older is not a reason we can't change. We can always change.</p><p></p><p>It sounds as if your siblings were very dismissive of your feelings. I am sorry. This happened to me at times too. I know the hurt. I feel for you. It's just that dealing with our kids in my opinion is easier if we have a support system. But maybe that is not true of all of us and I am projecting. Forgive me please if I am.</p><p></p><p>My mother's heart hurts for you and I send many prayers and cyber hugs. We are always here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 755437, member: 23706"] Our lives are what we make of them. We are treated, I have learned, how we allow. I too am a peacekeeper. I never wanted anyone to have to worry about me and I am a listener. And I got some of the treatment you got. But I am still in touch with my family. After all, I feel I can't expect others to do what I don't ask of them. I see this with my daughter too. She treats me the way I allowed her to for many years. Over a decade. I did not ask for respect. Her abuse was tolerated. Often I told myself she couldn't help it ornitnmust be my fault that she is so mean to me. I started Al Anon and rarely spoke but I did a lot of listening and eventually felt safe enough to share a bit, then later on a lot. Therapy started after Al Anon so I was already a bit more comfortable talking about the situation. Today I feel very safe telling certain people about what is going on, but I don't talk in depth about it with family. I do feel like my many siblings understand, but they still think of me as being stronger than I am. It is what it is. I am not telling you to push yourself to ask for support from others. But if you want to change you can. It's really up to you. None of us are locked into being one way. Even being older is not a reason we can't change. We can always change. It sounds as if your siblings were very dismissive of your feelings. I am sorry. This happened to me at times too. I know the hurt. I feel for you. It's just that dealing with our kids in my opinion is easier if we have a support system. But maybe that is not true of all of us and I am projecting. Forgive me please if I am. My mother's heart hurts for you and I send many prayers and cyber hugs. We are always here for you. [/QUOTE]
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