Don't Think I want to try any more

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Overwhelmed 61, Jan 27, 2020.

  1. ooo

    ooo Member

    Ups and downs. Always a game in which I am the loser. Sad I can't talk to anyone but people I don't really know. Always a catch. Always a false act of kindness just have it thrown in my face. A little glimmer of hope to be snatched away. I don't want to do it any more. Tired of trying. Tired of crying. Tired of the loneliness. Tired of pushing forward just to fall on my face. My mom don't care my siblings don't care and mostly my kids don't care. Doesn't help to put it out there, having someone tell me how to cope when it just keeps flooding in. Missed two days of work this month and I don't want to go in any day. I just sit and let the hours go by. I'm getting worse instead of better. Thought coming here would make me feel better but not today....
     
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi, Overwhelmed,

    I am right there with ya!

    I’ve had a pretty down day, myself, with some bad news about three different people I love. I’m feeling down.

    Uggg.

    I wish today would go away.

    How are things at home?
     
  3. ooo

    ooo Member

    Hi Apple,
    Sorry you are having a bad day. Hope tomorrow is better for you.
    I'm not good at all. I don't want to deal with anything any more. Two words of kindness followed by attacks. Neither of my mid 30 year olds have a clue. I have been sitting in the same chair all day trying to figure out how I could run away from my job, my kids, my life. I just want to hide. I would be willing to find comfortable weather and live in tent away from everyone.
     
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Sounds good!

    Do something for yourself, Over.

    I’m going to take a hot shower tonight and put a deep conditioner on my hair.

    We went (indoor) camping this weekend. I like camping, but I really missed having a shower!

    Today, one of the people on the trip was diagnosed with the flu! I hope it is one I have had the vaccine for (This isn’t one of the people I am worried about).

    What did you do this weekend?
     
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  5. ooo

    ooo Member

    Oh I hope you don't get the flu....
    I went to visit my daughter. Wrong thing to do.
    I hope tomorrow at work I can pull myself together.
    Stayed home today due to mentally not together. Again wrong move. I had to listen to my son gripe and complain most of the day.
    I need to run away!!!
     
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Has your son ever considered getting a job instead of complaining?

    Sorry you had such a bad day. Sounds like work may be a better option than sitting at home!
     
  7. MissLulu

    MissLulu Active Member

    Oh Overwhelmed, I have days like that too. Last week I had several really bad days. I don't know what the answer is, but I want you to know you are not alone. Sending you a hug.
     
  8. Across The Pond

    Across The Pond New Member

    Sounds like you need a safe place to escape to now and then, where you can be yourself and give yourself lots of hugs and do the things you want to do, in peace.
     
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  9. ooo

    ooo Member

    Made it to work today. Yea!!! It will be a better day away from laziness and complaining.
    I need to get away period. Not once in a while. My ambition's are gone. Peace and serenity gone. Self worth gone. My body aches and my concentration is lacking.
    Now, enough of this pity party. What has happened has happened and I let it happen. I have to do better. Pull myself together. Get to work and make a big impact today.
    I do always feel better when I come here and let it all out, even if it takes a minute.
    You all are the best listeners ever!
    I hope you all have an amazing day.
    Hugs to everyone and much thanks.

    Peace and Love
     
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Please take care of yourself.

    We all have our pity party at times don't we? I try to think of all the blessings that I have when I "go there" emotionally.

    I have really tried to work on my faith since I moved to the deep south because here that is what they do and it is refreshing.

    Let's face it, life is HARD.

    Hugs and hoping you have a better day/week/month/year!
     
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  11. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I’m glad you made it in to work today and are feeling better!

    One day at a time, Over. One step at a time.

    Don’t be hard on yourself.
     
  12. ooo

    ooo Member

    I had a pretty good day and I live my job so when I take off, it's pretty serious down slide.
    I will say, that since I have been coming here, my episodes of anxiety are much shorter. I know it's because I can say what I am feeling openly and honestly without judgement. Plus the nicest people are here and are so supportive.
    Hoping everyone can have a peaceful sleep and an amazing day tomorrow.
    Thanks everyone.

    Peace and Love
     
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  13. skittles

    skittles Member

    Overwhelmed,
    Im not a doctor but it sounds like your anxiety has become depression. Do you see a therapist or have tried any mild anti anxiety medications? I know the feelings you have, the anxiety and lack of personal purpose become overwhelming. It feels like we are trapped and cant make any plans as our lives are on hold intil these adult children grow up. The fact that you live your job and your children, tells me you havent been able to cultivate any other interests for yourself alone. This is not valuing ourselves. if we don’t value ourselves how can we expect anyone else to. I also work and let my difficult ones overwhelm me but I also go to a seniors aerobics class twice a week, i joined a bike riding group in the summer and I belong to a ski group in the winter. These outside contacts are so important to me, I give them priority when I schedule my days. For many it is church. I also had a therapist for a time, was the best thing i ever did for myself!! Even going for a walk every day is wonderful. pick one small thing you’ve always thought of doing for yourself thats easy to accomplish, maybe something you can do on these days off rather than staying on the chair and getting more depressed. and then make yourself do it, at first it’s difficult to get the motivation but eventually it can become a habit, after a while it seems to take on a life of its own and it becomes as important to prioritize as your job and your children are. and guess what you’ve then started to make your self a priority, you’ve started to value yourself more and it is a real psychological change. once you learn to value yourself it becomes easier to say no to others. Im Definitely a work in progress still, But I feel I’m moving in the right direction. there was a time that my needs were the absolute bottom of the list so needless to say they were at the bottom of everyone’s list . If you can’t get that motivation no matter what, it may be a therapist is the thing you need to do for yourself. anxiety can very easily become depression and once it does it is so hard to get out of that funk. It makes mountains out of mole hills and it controls us physically and emotionally. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon
     
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  14. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    I am sorry you had this black period. I think we have all been there, I know I have anyway. Sorry it took so long to answer, we had out of town guests for a week. It sounds like you are better. If it's helpful, you realized you would be better at work. Staying busy sure distracts my attention from unhealthy thoughts. As for what others think or say, truth is, they don't know what to say. I compartmentalize my groups of friends and families into those I can escape the narrative (they don't ask, I figure they have their own crud, so we are all escaping, demanding fun for ourselves), and those who ask for more information. As you can imagine the latter is a much smaller group.

    I love this quote. Rachel Naomi Remen is a professor at the Osher Center of Integrative Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco

    ”Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.” – Rachel Naomi Remen
     
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  15. skittles

    skittles Member

    Wonderful quote, im keeping that one!
     
  16. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    I was going to say "we've all been there" but maybe we haven't. I have. I know the feeling.
    Yesterday was kind of a down day for me. I just wanted it to be over and to start fresh again. I just felt gray.
    Today was better.

    I hope you can have better days. Sounds like the cloud lifted a little.
     
  17. ooo

    ooo Member

    Thank you Chickpea. One day I feel like I can get through the funk, the next day the funk is overwhelming. Tuesday and Wednesday was descent, today is starting with that doom and gloom feeling. It really sucks!
    Coming here does help. It's basically all I have. The people here are my only social interaction outside of work.
    I will shake my self off and get to working towards having a OK day.
    I hope your day is awesome and filled with peace.

    PEACE ☮️ and Love ♥️
     
  18. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi Over!

    Im glad you found us!

    That is a start on your road to recovery.

    Have you considered going to AA or Al-Anon? Or some type of private counseling? Calling a domestic violence hotline or elder services (not sure of your age so don’t know if this would apply to you)?

    You need to seek out more support for yourself, when you are ready.

    In the mean time, I hope you have a great day!
     
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  19. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    I learned (and it is hard to master and doesn't always work) not to allow another to cause me to fall down the rabbit hole. Therapy and Al Anon both changed my life and perspective.

    We are good people but we are not experts. It will in my opinion help you to reach out to others besides us. Your child won't get help, but you can. And maybe that will at least show your child that there is no shame in doing so. Who knows?

    Prayers and hugs.
     
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  20. louise2350

    louise2350 Member

    Yes, coming here is a big help. I might be running into my disconnected daughter in a few weeks if she attends her niece's birthday party. This d.d and my other daughter both had baby girls born one day apart - the babies aren't babies anymore - are both turning 5 soon. That's funny and unusual having two sisters each giving birth one day apart. If this d.d is at the party I don't know how to interact with her or if I'll even bother to. . It's so awkward now since she hasn't spoken to me in 5 years and I don't know my granddaughter born to this daughter at all. I'm a stranger to her. Oh well, I'll see what happens. However her prescence is not going to keep me away from my grandaughter's party. Have a great day and hope you feel better soon.