Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Don't Think I want to try any more
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 755457" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Lots of fixers and peacekeepers on this site! Count me as one also. Middle child, peacekeeper, listener, yet strong—everyone depends on me to do the hard stuff, and I can’t count the times my siblings have hurt or taken advantage of me. My sister’s favorite line after passing off the worst of family responsibilities on me... “But this is your *calling*, Nandina.” </p><p></p><p>Is it any wonder then, that we end up being victims of our children as well? It’s like we’re easy targets. I think people like us have a certain sensitivity or vulnerability that signals to those who would be prone to taking advantage of or disrespecting us and they hone in on it. And combine that signal with a mother’s undying love and ability to nurture, and you can easily become the victim of someone else’s selfishness and sense of entitlement.</p><p></p><p>Overwhelmed, I don’t remember what you have done or if you have done anything to start making your adult children become more independent. But you won’t be there forever for them. How will they make it after you’re gone if you’re doing everything for them now? I think you are absolutely right about the drinking and drugging from an early age keeping them in the mindset of a teen. But teens have to grow up. And your “adult teens” have some catching up to do!</p><p></p><p>I think you’re going to have to help your kids become less dependent on you. It will be hard, but you can start small. Maybe make them responsible for their own bills or little by little have them take on some of the other responsibilities you’re currently doing for them. Explain to them that this is how it’s going to be from now on. And yes, they’re not gonna like it! It’s so necessary though, Dear One. As you give them more and more responsibilities, the burden on you should ease up and perhaps you can begin doing some of those things for yourself that you’ve been putting on the back burner for so long. And hopefully, it will help your kids to grow up and become self-sufficient. They need this as much as you do!</p><p></p><p>And by the way...to me, this situation that you need help with would be the perfect thing to discuss with a counselor and perhaps they can help you with suggestions and support. There is nothing that says the only way you can get professional help is by delving deep into your childhood via psychoanalysis. I wouldn’t want that either, although for some folks it’s very helpful. Sometimes we’re just stuck in a situation and we need a little help getting out of it. There are all kinds of counselors out there. There are even online and Skype counselors who don’t have to see you in their office. Usually you can read on their website about what type of counseling they offer. And you can always call or email with a question to determine if they might be a good fit. I hope you’ll consider that or any other form of support the good people on this site have suggested.</p><p></p><p>Baby steps, Overwhelmed...one foot in front of the other...like The Little Engine that Could, a favorite book from my childhood but such a great story...”I think I can, I think I can... climbin’ up that hill!</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you, </p><p>Nan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 755457, member: 23742"] Lots of fixers and peacekeepers on this site! Count me as one also. Middle child, peacekeeper, listener, yet strong—everyone depends on me to do the hard stuff, and I can’t count the times my siblings have hurt or taken advantage of me. My sister’s favorite line after passing off the worst of family responsibilities on me... “But this is your *calling*, Nandina.” Is it any wonder then, that we end up being victims of our children as well? It’s like we’re easy targets. I think people like us have a certain sensitivity or vulnerability that signals to those who would be prone to taking advantage of or disrespecting us and they hone in on it. And combine that signal with a mother’s undying love and ability to nurture, and you can easily become the victim of someone else’s selfishness and sense of entitlement. Overwhelmed, I don’t remember what you have done or if you have done anything to start making your adult children become more independent. But you won’t be there forever for them. How will they make it after you’re gone if you’re doing everything for them now? I think you are absolutely right about the drinking and drugging from an early age keeping them in the mindset of a teen. But teens have to grow up. And your “adult teens” have some catching up to do! I think you’re going to have to help your kids become less dependent on you. It will be hard, but you can start small. Maybe make them responsible for their own bills or little by little have them take on some of the other responsibilities you’re currently doing for them. Explain to them that this is how it’s going to be from now on. And yes, they’re not gonna like it! It’s so necessary though, Dear One. As you give them more and more responsibilities, the burden on you should ease up and perhaps you can begin doing some of those things for yourself that you’ve been putting on the back burner for so long. And hopefully, it will help your kids to grow up and become self-sufficient. They need this as much as you do! And by the way...to me, this situation that you need help with would be the perfect thing to discuss with a counselor and perhaps they can help you with suggestions and support. There is nothing that says the only way you can get professional help is by delving deep into your childhood via psychoanalysis. I wouldn’t want that either, although for some folks it’s very helpful. Sometimes we’re just stuck in a situation and we need a little help getting out of it. There are all kinds of counselors out there. There are even online and Skype counselors who don’t have to see you in their office. Usually you can read on their website about what type of counseling they offer. And you can always call or email with a question to determine if they might be a good fit. I hope you’ll consider that or any other form of support the good people on this site have suggested. Baby steps, Overwhelmed...one foot in front of the other...like The Little Engine that Could, a favorite book from my childhood but such a great story...”I think I can, I think I can... climbin’ up that hill! Hugs to you, Nan [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Don't Think I want to try any more
Top