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<blockquote data-quote="Sunlight" data-source="post: 248381" data-attributes="member: 97"><p>Dr Riley, I can remember years back when you told me I could not walk the path with my son. he was on drugs or alcohol since age 13. After spending most of his years from 13 to 25 incarcerated some where, I have to say that "detachment with love" was the answer for him. No medications worked, I tried four psychiatric groups without success, and if anyone suggested it, I tried it for him. As he aged the only thing that helped was throwing him out and letting him suffer his consequences of his own choices, but I always made him know he was loved and that when he was doing the right thing, I would be there. </p><p></p><p>I wish I knew what would have truly helped him as a young child. I do have to say that educating myself in how to react to him helped me cope. Knowing what ails your child can prepare you for how to handle it and survive. </p><p></p><p>I agree with you on what you said about their anxieties over their moms in some cases. </p><p></p><p>Part of what we learned was that my son feared his father and that his father would hurt me. his father was diagnosis with schizophrenia and is now not a part of our lives. it seems that is when my son started to heal and face his own anxiety and change the ways he was dealing with things. </p><p></p><p>My son is now an upstanding citizen with sole custody of his own 5 yr old son-he cares for him on his own with no partner involved at all. (I had his son myself until my son proved he was able to take on a child.) He got a good union job since he was released from state prison. It will help him pay the 20K in fines ( I tell him to think of it as the school of hard knocks tuition). He takes good loving care of his own son, pays his own way in life and is drug and alcohol free....seems to not desire either at all. Power of prayer I think...as well as a firm detachment from him and only giving him a hand up when he was helping himself. A long path it was and we are still walking, but it is much more smooth walking these months.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sunlight, post: 248381, member: 97"] Dr Riley, I can remember years back when you told me I could not walk the path with my son. he was on drugs or alcohol since age 13. After spending most of his years from 13 to 25 incarcerated some where, I have to say that "detachment with love" was the answer for him. No medications worked, I tried four psychiatric groups without success, and if anyone suggested it, I tried it for him. As he aged the only thing that helped was throwing him out and letting him suffer his consequences of his own choices, but I always made him know he was loved and that when he was doing the right thing, I would be there. I wish I knew what would have truly helped him as a young child. I do have to say that educating myself in how to react to him helped me cope. Knowing what ails your child can prepare you for how to handle it and survive. I agree with you on what you said about their anxieties over their moms in some cases. Part of what we learned was that my son feared his father and that his father would hurt me. his father was diagnosis with schizophrenia and is now not a part of our lives. it seems that is when my son started to heal and face his own anxiety and change the ways he was dealing with things. My son is now an upstanding citizen with sole custody of his own 5 yr old son-he cares for him on his own with no partner involved at all. (I had his son myself until my son proved he was able to take on a child.) He got a good union job since he was released from state prison. It will help him pay the 20K in fines ( I tell him to think of it as the school of hard knocks tuition). He takes good loving care of his own son, pays his own way in life and is drug and alcohol free....seems to not desire either at all. Power of prayer I think...as well as a firm detachment from him and only giving him a hand up when he was helping himself. A long path it was and we are still walking, but it is much more smooth walking these months. [/QUOTE]
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