Kris, others' words are wiser than mine. I know for sure reading and posting here will make you feel less alone, and when needed will give you strength to hold difficult boundaries. The holidays have been a difficult time for me with both of my older difficult adult children who are now in their 30's. My daughter estranged herself and my grandchildren from me. I worry about them and miss being able to offer them so many holiday traditions, but I still choose to do those traditions, such as cutting down a tree, decorating the house, baking, etc. I do these things for me, as well as for my husband, friends, and youngest adult child.
My narcissistic DS bemoans not having family and blames me for his problems. He has been an unpredictable guest and most of the family - including extended - is wary of him. Because of that I don't invite him to our home. I choose to meet him at a restaurant. I know he resents me for that, but he has earned his reputation, and others, including me and mine, need to feel safe and not worried about his possible anger. I feel sad and guilty, but that's my dysfunction because his behavior has created his circumstances.
Even if your son has been clean for two years, he can still have an addict's thinking. Putting your needs and taking care of yourself are not selfish. I can hear how much you love and care about all your children. My thoughts are with you.
