Hi everyone, My name is Kristi and I have an adult son who was born a brilliant and beautiful young man and yet in his teenage years (divorce/unkind father/me trying to sit ice my marriage/early and undiagnosed signs of major depression) he started using drugs and over the last 10 years he’s been convicted of crimes, jailed, put in a mental hospital, lived in his car, been homeless, and so on. Now, out of jail and on probation, he is just a step above homelessness and living in a working man’s shelter trying to keep a job (which he does for a while and then his mental condition proves too difficult for Him to work in a restaurant and he gets fired) and pay his court fees and make enough money to survive. His dad has cut off all ties with him. I am single and have several other children who I support in various ways depending on age and what not and I am really distraught over my relationship with him. I love him dearly but I can’t keep giving him money and seeing h struggle. I have of course made mistakes over the years because I was raising him and there have been times when I to have cut him off but now I am the only one in his life as his siblings will not speak to him and they are just tired of the stress and pressure they have experienced and they’ve seen their dad and I experience over the years and trying to help their oldest brother. The holidays are always a very difficult time for me as I think about him alone and with no one in his life other than me and the pressure and guilt and sadness become so overwhelming that I know it is not good for my health. My other children will not be a part of any holidays if he is around as he is angry at times, narcissistic, just downright almost so far out of his mind that nothing he says makes sense and strange and foreign to them. To be quite honest he feels strange and foreign to me too even though I see him once or twice a month. He doesn’t take any of my advice to look for employment in areas where he would not have to deal with the public as much and can just put in his headphones and work but rather he chooses to work at restaurants where the pressure is too great end it ends the same way every time and then he has no money and is asking for help. He does not waste his money but he does have a lot of crazy court fees and he does pay $10 a day to stay in his residence and cell phone and a bus pass and food. I just find myself as we approach this holiday season once again dreading having to lie or tell him that we’re not celebrating as a family because no one wants him around and I must admit that I do enjoy the holidays without him. I just wish that I had my old son back. The drug usage, although he has been clean for two years, and the drugs prescribed by doctors while he was in the mental health hospital have just changed him. I lost my son along time ago and sometimes I see glimpses of him and they make me smile But they also crushed my heart. I found this forum today desperately searching for help and even just reading all of your posts I feel comforted in knowing that I’m not alone. I would love to know how any of you handle the holidays and how you draw boundaries that protect you and don’t completely rule your adult child out of your life. Sorry for the long post but it is my first and I’m desperately seeking support. Thank you!