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<blockquote data-quote="SeaGenieTx" data-source="post: 673341" data-attributes="member: 18773"><p>Wow Copa - thank you very much. You know if I had not joined this forum and read all the posts, I truly would be lost. First time I kicked my son out was exactly a year ago right around Thanksgiving - this time last year.</p><p></p><p>Since then I let him come back a few times and sure enough things just got worse, no respect for my house rules, no respect for me his mom. As long as they are doing drugs, nothing will change. </p><p></p><p>The last episode with my son was pretty bad. The things he said to me and names he called me were mind blowing. But, thanks to that behavior I snapped out of any guilt trip I was on. I feel ZERO guilt now after seeing how mean and hateful he is. I saw an abusive, mean, hateful, violent person. I'm scared of him actually and don't want contact with him. Before I cried, felt guilty for kicking him out, questioned where I went wrong as a mom. Not anymore.</p><p></p><p>I'm done. I've even accepted the fact I might not see or hear from him again for years. So be it. He really killed our relationship and showed me what he has become. I want nothing to do with him and have almost looked at it as a death. The nasty names and saying "F*** you" to his own mother. I was shaking and in tears last time I saw him. Couldn't believe what I just heard come out of his mouth and the names he called me. No child should ever say those things to a parent, ever. It will be extremely hard for me to ever get over that. If he was aiming to hurt me as hard as he could - he succeeded. </p><p></p><p>I'm not crying over him anymore, I gave him 23 years of my life and was an excellent mother. Whether he ever appreciates that -who knows. I can sleep at night knowing I did all the right things and gave him all the tools to become a decent adult. His choices are his fate, not mine. In my mind I wished him well, said my goodbyes and told God I can't take anymore, I did my job, I'm done and have to live my life.</p><p></p><p>For anyone early in the process take it from me, they lie, you can NOT trust anything they say, NEVER let them move back in (won't work), don't give them money, don't bail them out of jail. Don't waste time checking up on them, what you will find will just upset you more, refuse to be sucked in to their drama - period.</p><p></p><p>Tough love is tough on the parent not the child. Helping goes against everything we know as a parent but when you kid is on drugs, you're dealing with a sophisticated con artist basically and if you don't set boundaries, you'll lose. Takes a while to learn and get to the point I am at but now that I am at this stage, my son will be sorry he ever did this to me because I've given him and his drug lifestyle a burial and unless he makes something of his life and gets clean, he has no mother. I will never take that abuse from my son again. If he wasn't bigger and stronger than me I would have knocked him into next year. Selfish, ungrateful brat. I never raised my son to be like that and the way I look at it, right now he is not my son.</p><p></p><p>It's easier when you don't feel guilty - I'm glad he showed me his true colors because now I hope he has some hard knocks and struggles out there on his own. Let's see what he's made of. Kid needs some rude awakenings that's for sure.</p><p></p><p>Sad to be at this stage but that's how I feel.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeaGenieTx, post: 673341, member: 18773"] Wow Copa - thank you very much. You know if I had not joined this forum and read all the posts, I truly would be lost. First time I kicked my son out was exactly a year ago right around Thanksgiving - this time last year. Since then I let him come back a few times and sure enough things just got worse, no respect for my house rules, no respect for me his mom. As long as they are doing drugs, nothing will change. The last episode with my son was pretty bad. The things he said to me and names he called me were mind blowing. But, thanks to that behavior I snapped out of any guilt trip I was on. I feel ZERO guilt now after seeing how mean and hateful he is. I saw an abusive, mean, hateful, violent person. I'm scared of him actually and don't want contact with him. Before I cried, felt guilty for kicking him out, questioned where I went wrong as a mom. Not anymore. I'm done. I've even accepted the fact I might not see or hear from him again for years. So be it. He really killed our relationship and showed me what he has become. I want nothing to do with him and have almost looked at it as a death. The nasty names and saying "F*** you" to his own mother. I was shaking and in tears last time I saw him. Couldn't believe what I just heard come out of his mouth and the names he called me. No child should ever say those things to a parent, ever. It will be extremely hard for me to ever get over that. If he was aiming to hurt me as hard as he could - he succeeded. I'm not crying over him anymore, I gave him 23 years of my life and was an excellent mother. Whether he ever appreciates that -who knows. I can sleep at night knowing I did all the right things and gave him all the tools to become a decent adult. His choices are his fate, not mine. In my mind I wished him well, said my goodbyes and told God I can't take anymore, I did my job, I'm done and have to live my life. For anyone early in the process take it from me, they lie, you can NOT trust anything they say, NEVER let them move back in (won't work), don't give them money, don't bail them out of jail. Don't waste time checking up on them, what you will find will just upset you more, refuse to be sucked in to their drama - period. Tough love is tough on the parent not the child. Helping goes against everything we know as a parent but when you kid is on drugs, you're dealing with a sophisticated con artist basically and if you don't set boundaries, you'll lose. Takes a while to learn and get to the point I am at but now that I am at this stage, my son will be sorry he ever did this to me because I've given him and his drug lifestyle a burial and unless he makes something of his life and gets clean, he has no mother. I will never take that abuse from my son again. If he wasn't bigger and stronger than me I would have knocked him into next year. Selfish, ungrateful brat. I never raised my son to be like that and the way I look at it, right now he is not my son. It's easier when you don't feel guilty - I'm glad he showed me his true colors because now I hope he has some hard knocks and struggles out there on his own. Let's see what he's made of. Kid needs some rude awakenings that's for sure. Sad to be at this stage but that's how I feel. [/QUOTE]
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