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DS totally and suddenly silent
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 755686" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Beta, our son's are similar in their behaviors. Mine has been insisting I'm mentally ill, "drugged" him and abused him as a child, for the last year or so. The "drugging" was the medication for his Bipolar Disorder. </p><p></p><p>My son goes dark for extended periods of time now. It started a couple of years ago when I cut most of my financial support off. This was after he became very verbally abusive to the extent I became afraid for my physical well being, and most importantly he decided he will not take medication any longer. I mistakenly thought I could control him and make him take care of his mental health by cutting my financial support down based on him taking care of his mental health. He showed me. He found someone more codependent than I was to enable him, an adult who feels good "helping" him all the while this adult is not doing too well in life himself. </p><p></p><p>My son stayed exclusively abusive for quite a while with his calls and emails, and now has stopped contacting me except very sporadically. When he does contact me now he does something similar to what you have described your son does. He will tell me something along the lines of an apology or an understanding of how he knows I've done the best I could considering all of my issues and limitations, whatever they are in his mind. But within 24 hours he contacts me again to tell me how horrible I am. I see this as a good sign even though I dread that "take down" call I know is coming. At some point I expect my son, after his fits and starts, might just actually take responsibility for his life and mental health. </p><p></p><p>In my son's case he goes dark for months, again after contacting me. I do not reach out to him because he states he does not want contact from me, as he views me as toxic. Seems to me your son is a bit more attached to reality considering he's been going back and forth in his thinking all along with you, and hasn't told you not to contact him. </p><p> </p><p>I know in my son's case when he goes dark he's just otherwise occupied. I am lucky because I know where he lives, am amazed he still has a roof over his head and find out through the grapevine where he is currently working, if he is, and such. </p><p></p><p>Considering your son's phone shows activity I would assume he is using it, not that someone else has it and he's in a ditch somewhere. I've had those same types of worries in the past over my son, they are so soul crushing and debilitating. </p><p></p><p>There are times, because it's not the healthiest of living situation for my son, I wonder if he's dead, or unconscious and in need of emergency medical care in the basement of that house. Those times I turn it over to God, pray he's okay, and ask God to send intervention in the form of someone my son will listen to. I did that just recently after an extended period of no contact, and then got a phone call from my son telling me he misses me and he knows I was just very afraid while raising him, did the best I could and such, his version of reality and apologizing. Of course I then got the phone call telling me how horrible I am the next day. But I see it as God answering, he's okay, and is on his path, not the path I want for him, but he's breathing and is alive. </p><p></p><p>All I can say is give it to God, no matter what the outcome, you have no control over the situation. Trust that God will do whatever is best, no matter what it is. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for you, me, anyone we know, anyone who reads here, most of life is not in our control as we have found out. We can appreciate everyday, have gratitude for what we have and those around us, do what is best for us and try to influence those around us but that's about it. If I had a magic wand, I would take away your worry and heartbreak, the worry and heartbreak that overshadows our lives in times such as these.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 755686, member: 22840"] Beta, our son's are similar in their behaviors. Mine has been insisting I'm mentally ill, "drugged" him and abused him as a child, for the last year or so. The "drugging" was the medication for his Bipolar Disorder. My son goes dark for extended periods of time now. It started a couple of years ago when I cut most of my financial support off. This was after he became very verbally abusive to the extent I became afraid for my physical well being, and most importantly he decided he will not take medication any longer. I mistakenly thought I could control him and make him take care of his mental health by cutting my financial support down based on him taking care of his mental health. He showed me. He found someone more codependent than I was to enable him, an adult who feels good "helping" him all the while this adult is not doing too well in life himself. My son stayed exclusively abusive for quite a while with his calls and emails, and now has stopped contacting me except very sporadically. When he does contact me now he does something similar to what you have described your son does. He will tell me something along the lines of an apology or an understanding of how he knows I've done the best I could considering all of my issues and limitations, whatever they are in his mind. But within 24 hours he contacts me again to tell me how horrible I am. I see this as a good sign even though I dread that "take down" call I know is coming. At some point I expect my son, after his fits and starts, might just actually take responsibility for his life and mental health. In my son's case he goes dark for months, again after contacting me. I do not reach out to him because he states he does not want contact from me, as he views me as toxic. Seems to me your son is a bit more attached to reality considering he's been going back and forth in his thinking all along with you, and hasn't told you not to contact him. I know in my son's case when he goes dark he's just otherwise occupied. I am lucky because I know where he lives, am amazed he still has a roof over his head and find out through the grapevine where he is currently working, if he is, and such. Considering your son's phone shows activity I would assume he is using it, not that someone else has it and he's in a ditch somewhere. I've had those same types of worries in the past over my son, they are so soul crushing and debilitating. There are times, because it's not the healthiest of living situation for my son, I wonder if he's dead, or unconscious and in need of emergency medical care in the basement of that house. Those times I turn it over to God, pray he's okay, and ask God to send intervention in the form of someone my son will listen to. I did that just recently after an extended period of no contact, and then got a phone call from my son telling me he misses me and he knows I was just very afraid while raising him, did the best I could and such, his version of reality and apologizing. Of course I then got the phone call telling me how horrible I am the next day. But I see it as God answering, he's okay, and is on his path, not the path I want for him, but he's breathing and is alive. All I can say is give it to God, no matter what the outcome, you have no control over the situation. Trust that God will do whatever is best, no matter what it is. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for you, me, anyone we know, anyone who reads here, most of life is not in our control as we have found out. We can appreciate everyday, have gratitude for what we have and those around us, do what is best for us and try to influence those around us but that's about it. If I had a magic wand, I would take away your worry and heartbreak, the worry and heartbreak that overshadows our lives in times such as these. [/QUOTE]
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