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DS totally and suddenly silent
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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 755724" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p><em>I am way better off this way. </em>Somehow I have found a place in my heart that can let go of the minute to minute, day by day panic about what could be happening, or will happen. I am feeling like I'm better off not knowing, letting him handle himself and his life. I don't have to make this about me. His life is his.</p><p></p><p>Right now because I'm writing this, I am in touch again with the fear and pain. I don't like it. I guess I have developed the capacity to have emotional distance. At least for now. I don't know how that happened. But I like it better.</p><p></p><p>Beta. These sons of ours are grown men. There are resources in society that they can turn to. Josh, actually, seems to be doing a reasonable job staying out of trouble and landing on his feet. There is a glass half full here. Maybe that's the key to avoid the dominos falling down that arrives in desperation and lack of control. Maybe the key is practicing optimism, or equanimity or acceptance. And letting it go.</p></blockquote><p></p><p>This is where I am too. I'm directing my thoughts elsewhere when they want to swerve onto the "minute by minute" thoughts of his wellbeing, safety, etc. I can't ignore the reality of his words to me. They are just too awful and too painful. </p><p></p><p>My husband and I are driving over to Nebraska to see our youngest son this weekend, to see him before he takes off for Washington state on March 1. It will be a hard thing to say goodbye to him, not knowing when exactly we will see him again. Will check in again early next week with you all. I hope you all have a good and peaceful weekend.</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 755724, member: 22597"] [I]I am way better off this way. [/I]Somehow I have found a place in my heart that can let go of the minute to minute, day by day panic about what could be happening, or will happen. I am feeling like I'm better off not knowing, letting him handle himself and his life. I don't have to make this about me. His life is his. Right now because I'm writing this, I am in touch again with the fear and pain. I don't like it. I guess I have developed the capacity to have emotional distance. At least for now. I don't know how that happened. But I like it better. Beta. These sons of ours are grown men. There are resources in society that they can turn to. Josh, actually, seems to be doing a reasonable job staying out of trouble and landing on his feet. There is a glass half full here. Maybe that's the key to avoid the dominos falling down that arrives in desperation and lack of control. Maybe the key is practicing optimism, or equanimity or acceptance. And letting it go.[/QUOTE] This is where I am too. I'm directing my thoughts elsewhere when they want to swerve onto the "minute by minute" thoughts of his wellbeing, safety, etc. I can't ignore the reality of his words to me. They are just too awful and too painful. My husband and I are driving over to Nebraska to see our youngest son this weekend, to see him before he takes off for Washington state on March 1. It will be a hard thing to say goodbye to him, not knowing when exactly we will see him again. Will check in again early next week with you all. I hope you all have a good and peaceful weekend. [/QUOTE]
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