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Early teen stuff: boys/gifts/oral sex!!!???
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 225787" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Maybe the way to talk about it is not to discuss oral sex in detail (because frankly, repeatedly talking about it like this can desensitise her so she won't automatically be grossed out, and it could then backfire). Instead, focus on what I think is the root cause of the problem - the lack of self-respect in the girls who give way to the pressure to perform. And also the lack of respect shown to these girls by those who apply that pressure. A lot of it boils down to not only a trivialising of the sex, but also a great deal of moral blackmail and poor social standards in how these kids treat one another.</p><p></p><p>So focus on what should be of value in a relationship. Because honesty is high on that list, you can use that point to ram home the necklace issue. I wouldn't stress too much about having a boyfriend because frankly, that could insulate her against a lot of the social pressure. The girls who give way to the blackmail to perform oral sex on the boys, are the ones who are desperate to please the boys because they feel otherwise unloved and unlovable. The girls who feel more secure in themselves, who have more self-respect, are safer from this sort of pressure.</p><p></p><p>So focus on honesty, on respect (and self-respect) and health aspects as well (although health connects to the details, which she doesn't want to hear). Responsibility is also something to mention, and this comes down to not hurting other people, to being kind to them, to not using sex as either a weapon or a bargaining chip.</p><p></p><p>Sex is a powerful tool. That is one big reason why society tries to limit sex to committed (preferably married) adults in private. Sex shouldn't be played with in any trivial fashion. And sex DOES include oral sex. It also includes heavy petting. If you use sex too liberally, you miss out on a lot of the other ways of getting to know someone. </p><p></p><p>But focussing on respect, honesty and consideration for the person you're supposed to care about (which includes yourself) may be a far more important lesson than simply preaching on the mechanics of it all.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 225787, member: 1991"] Maybe the way to talk about it is not to discuss oral sex in detail (because frankly, repeatedly talking about it like this can desensitise her so she won't automatically be grossed out, and it could then backfire). Instead, focus on what I think is the root cause of the problem - the lack of self-respect in the girls who give way to the pressure to perform. And also the lack of respect shown to these girls by those who apply that pressure. A lot of it boils down to not only a trivialising of the sex, but also a great deal of moral blackmail and poor social standards in how these kids treat one another. So focus on what should be of value in a relationship. Because honesty is high on that list, you can use that point to ram home the necklace issue. I wouldn't stress too much about having a boyfriend because frankly, that could insulate her against a lot of the social pressure. The girls who give way to the blackmail to perform oral sex on the boys, are the ones who are desperate to please the boys because they feel otherwise unloved and unlovable. The girls who feel more secure in themselves, who have more self-respect, are safer from this sort of pressure. So focus on honesty, on respect (and self-respect) and health aspects as well (although health connects to the details, which she doesn't want to hear). Responsibility is also something to mention, and this comes down to not hurting other people, to being kind to them, to not using sex as either a weapon or a bargaining chip. Sex is a powerful tool. That is one big reason why society tries to limit sex to committed (preferably married) adults in private. Sex shouldn't be played with in any trivial fashion. And sex DOES include oral sex. It also includes heavy petting. If you use sex too liberally, you miss out on a lot of the other ways of getting to know someone. But focussing on respect, honesty and consideration for the person you're supposed to care about (which includes yourself) may be a far more important lesson than simply preaching on the mechanics of it all. Marg [/QUOTE]
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