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Early teen stuff: boys/gifts/oral sex!!!???
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 225805" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>MWM, sad but true, but teenage girls (not boys) don't define oral sex as having sex. For many girls, it's a way to "keep their boy". The boys want this and sadly, the girls believe they are proving their "love" by the performance.</p><p> </p><p>I can tell you that I have always been totally open and honest with my kids - even difficult child as a boy. I can tell you that I was pretty darn direct and blunt when I overheard my daughter and her two friends in the backseat of the car a number of years ago. They were freshman and they were all atwitter about some girl performing oral sex on her "boyfriend" Basically, I told the girls that anytime they were asked to do something they were not comforable with, and this includes things of a nonsexual nature, it is a matter of selfrespect that you deny the request. Nonone has the right to insist you do something you are either not ready for or not comfortable with.</p><p> </p><p>Then came the blunt part (I know I am a mod here but for the sake of this discussion, I will be as honest and direct as possible) - I told the girls that "any boy who would tell you that in order to prove your love to him, you need to get on your knees and put your mouth around.........., (you get the point), knows absolutely nothing about love and has little or no respect for you whatsoever."</p><p> </p><p>Was that a gross or nasty way of putting it, certainly. But it definately was a discussion starter. Several months later, easy child and her two best buds were sitting in the family room with me. One of them asked if I ever thought oral sex was ok. I told the girls that when they were in a mature committed relationship, once they were older, that couples discuss together what level they want to take their sexual relationship. It is not one party claiming that in order to prove something you have to perform the sexual act of their choice.</p><p> </p><p>I know you said you can't be blunt with her, but sometime the direct approach is the honest way of getting the point across. And MWM, these middle school and early high kids are getting themselves in a whole heap of trouble with the trading of oral sex partners - stds are being trading like pokeman cards.</p><p> </p><p>My easy child, at eighteen, is still a virgin. I think there are three reasons for that even though she was in a relationship with a young man two years older than her for a year and a half. One, she was very open and honest with him about her desire, or intent, to not get caught up into having sex on a whim. She told him she was not ready. Fortunately, he honesty cared about her feelings. Second, I believe she understood the emotional connection the sex has for most females. I always told her that the physical aspect of sex was the "easy" part, it is the emotional stuff that follows you have to be mature and ready for. And third, I have always told easy child that she owns her virginity - it is a part of her that is special - that she has as a gift to give to whom she chooses. </p><p> </p><p>I know that may sound old fashioned, but I truly believe that girls should look at their sexual selves in a respectful way. </p><p> </p><p>Good luck in dealing with this issue MWM.</p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 225805, member: 805"] MWM, sad but true, but teenage girls (not boys) don't define oral sex as having sex. For many girls, it's a way to "keep their boy". The boys want this and sadly, the girls believe they are proving their "love" by the performance. I can tell you that I have always been totally open and honest with my kids - even difficult child as a boy. I can tell you that I was pretty darn direct and blunt when I overheard my daughter and her two friends in the backseat of the car a number of years ago. They were freshman and they were all atwitter about some girl performing oral sex on her "boyfriend" Basically, I told the girls that anytime they were asked to do something they were not comforable with, and this includes things of a nonsexual nature, it is a matter of selfrespect that you deny the request. Nonone has the right to insist you do something you are either not ready for or not comfortable with. Then came the blunt part (I know I am a mod here but for the sake of this discussion, I will be as honest and direct as possible) - I told the girls that "any boy who would tell you that in order to prove your love to him, you need to get on your knees and put your mouth around.........., (you get the point), knows absolutely nothing about love and has little or no respect for you whatsoever." Was that a gross or nasty way of putting it, certainly. But it definately was a discussion starter. Several months later, easy child and her two best buds were sitting in the family room with me. One of them asked if I ever thought oral sex was ok. I told the girls that when they were in a mature committed relationship, once they were older, that couples discuss together what level they want to take their sexual relationship. It is not one party claiming that in order to prove something you have to perform the sexual act of their choice. I know you said you can't be blunt with her, but sometime the direct approach is the honest way of getting the point across. And MWM, these middle school and early high kids are getting themselves in a whole heap of trouble with the trading of oral sex partners - stds are being trading like pokeman cards. My easy child, at eighteen, is still a virgin. I think there are three reasons for that even though she was in a relationship with a young man two years older than her for a year and a half. One, she was very open and honest with him about her desire, or intent, to not get caught up into having sex on a whim. She told him she was not ready. Fortunately, he honesty cared about her feelings. Second, I believe she understood the emotional connection the sex has for most females. I always told her that the physical aspect of sex was the "easy" part, it is the emotional stuff that follows you have to be mature and ready for. And third, I have always told easy child that she owns her virginity - it is a part of her that is special - that she has as a gift to give to whom she chooses. I know that may sound old fashioned, but I truly believe that girls should look at their sexual selves in a respectful way. Good luck in dealing with this issue MWM. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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