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easter at the loony bin
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 422457" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Janet</p><p></p><p>All I can say is I'd have done (and have done many times) the same thing.......only I add in a good ripping on the parents while I'm at it out of earshot of the child. I don't step in 99 percent of the time.....but if the situation calls for it? Oh, yeah, I most certainly do. And I could care less who's toes I step on. </p><p></p><p>in my opinion as a grandparent my role doesn't just involve spoiling my grandchild rotten. There is a responsibility there as well. And I take that responsibility seriously. As the grandparent I have more experience to draw from as well as knowledge.......and since I'm not 24/7 with the child I've got tons more patience as well. So if Nana steps in? There is a BIG problem. I see a grandparents role as backup for the parent with the cushy bonus of spoiling.....with time, patience, and often being able to buy them special things to make them happy. It's also my responsibility to watch over the safety and welfare of that grandchild right along with the parents. And that is also extended into aunts and uncles as well. It's the culture in which I was raised. It's the culture in which my children were raised.</p><p></p><p>If a member of the family disagrees......they don't have to come around. Because if they're around family members, this is the way it is, period. </p><p></p><p>My biggest problem has been with Nichole's boyfriend and his "reason with the child" philosophy......now that might/might not work on an older child depending on personality (I've rarely seen it work) but it simply does not work on a toddler/preschooler who are just learning how the world works and their own place in it. </p><p></p><p>It's a nightmare to watch a parent attempt to reason with an 18 month old having a a crying fit because they've been told no.......then turn into a full blown tantrum of epic proportions as daddy is determined to hold her on his lap while he reasons with her.......It only got worse from there. Nichole was hesitant to speak up to boyfriend because as she said "at least he's trying to parent". And she would do normal parenting when he wasn't around. Problem is one parent using one method and another using another method only confuses the child worse.......So I gave it a little time thinking boyfriend would "see" you can't reason with a young child. But Nana did have to step in as Aubrey's behavior was off the charts......Aubrey was miserable as minor infractions were being escalated into all out disasters and growing more confused with each episode........Nichole was frustrated and ready to give up as Aubrey had stopped responding to normal parenting due to inconsistency. </p><p></p><p>Each time Nana had to step in, I explained what I was doing and why. If boyfriend opened his mouth he was ordered to another room.....(I put HIM in time out) If Nichole stepped up to discipline and boyfriend sought to override her with his so called "reason" Nana tromped on him and sent him to another room. Did he like it? Heck no. Did I care? Heck no. Aubrey was both miserable and becoming such an undisciplined brat no one could stand to be around her. And Nana made it clear if dear ol daddy didn't like it he could stay away. </p><p></p><p>In turn.....Nichole realized that boyfriend's "parenting" style was not only not working but making Aubrey worse and she stepped totally up to the plate. She tromped on boyfriend herself. She kept rules/discipline ect consistent and appropriate and made dear ol daddy do the same. Aubrey's behavior did an abrupt about face.......she's so happy she is downright bubbly......and a pure joy to be around. boyfriend no longer complains.....and it's a rare thing for him to "reason" and he will stop as soon as Nichole calls him on it. (it's now a bad habit he's trying hard to break)</p><p></p><p>As soon as Nichole began stepping up to the plate Nana backed right back out of the picture. I fell back into normal reinforcing/support role........and just got to be full blown Nana again.</p><p></p><p>Now before someone says well that's because those two were very young parents.........I've had to do the same with easy child on occasion. And her parenting is nearly identical to my own. </p><p></p><p>And we all know that if I didn't do it with Katie and her kids I'd not have a house left after one visit. </p><p></p><p>It doesn't take a genius to see what Billie is doing with Hailey borders on abuse. She's making that little girl so awful in both personality and behavior that no one can stand her......most likely even her own parents. Is that fair to Hailey? Is it right that her own family may avoid her due to what her mother is doing/not doing? That it will stunt her social/emotional development? No. You don't have to hit a child to mess them up psychologically.</p><p></p><p>I knew I most likely would not change boyfriend's mind on his parenting style. His family is so dysfunctional it's more than a little frightening. It was Nichole's attention I was trying to get. It was Nichole I was reminding of tried and true methods that work, methods she'd been raised with and knew were sound. Methods she'd been attempting to use until boyfriend had frustrated and mucked up the process to the point where she was ready to just give up. By stepping in I was reinforcing HER and showing HIM that it works without the long drawn out accomplish nothing drama that his style created. </p><p></p><p>Yup. Probably could've blown up in my face. I wasn't boyfriend's favorite person for a very long time. </p><p></p><p>I honestly really don't know how you didn't blow before now. Billie's blatant disrespect of you would've been enough to set me off ages ago. </p><p></p><p>My next move? I would inform both Hailey and her mother that it will be x amount of time before I bought another gift since she obviously does not appreciate gifts. </p><p></p><p>And I would tromp on Billie's disrespect of you. Jamie doesn't like it, tromp on him. You're HIS mother. They don't like it........they can keep their disaster to themselves and you can enjoy family that both respect and appreciate you.</p><p></p><p>I feel sorry for Hailey. She's the one getting the short end of the shaft.</p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 422457, member: 84"] Janet All I can say is I'd have done (and have done many times) the same thing.......only I add in a good ripping on the parents while I'm at it out of earshot of the child. I don't step in 99 percent of the time.....but if the situation calls for it? Oh, yeah, I most certainly do. And I could care less who's toes I step on. in my opinion as a grandparent my role doesn't just involve spoiling my grandchild rotten. There is a responsibility there as well. And I take that responsibility seriously. As the grandparent I have more experience to draw from as well as knowledge.......and since I'm not 24/7 with the child I've got tons more patience as well. So if Nana steps in? There is a BIG problem. I see a grandparents role as backup for the parent with the cushy bonus of spoiling.....with time, patience, and often being able to buy them special things to make them happy. It's also my responsibility to watch over the safety and welfare of that grandchild right along with the parents. And that is also extended into aunts and uncles as well. It's the culture in which I was raised. It's the culture in which my children were raised. If a member of the family disagrees......they don't have to come around. Because if they're around family members, this is the way it is, period. My biggest problem has been with Nichole's boyfriend and his "reason with the child" philosophy......now that might/might not work on an older child depending on personality (I've rarely seen it work) but it simply does not work on a toddler/preschooler who are just learning how the world works and their own place in it. It's a nightmare to watch a parent attempt to reason with an 18 month old having a a crying fit because they've been told no.......then turn into a full blown tantrum of epic proportions as daddy is determined to hold her on his lap while he reasons with her.......It only got worse from there. Nichole was hesitant to speak up to boyfriend because as she said "at least he's trying to parent". And she would do normal parenting when he wasn't around. Problem is one parent using one method and another using another method only confuses the child worse.......So I gave it a little time thinking boyfriend would "see" you can't reason with a young child. But Nana did have to step in as Aubrey's behavior was off the charts......Aubrey was miserable as minor infractions were being escalated into all out disasters and growing more confused with each episode........Nichole was frustrated and ready to give up as Aubrey had stopped responding to normal parenting due to inconsistency. Each time Nana had to step in, I explained what I was doing and why. If boyfriend opened his mouth he was ordered to another room.....(I put HIM in time out) If Nichole stepped up to discipline and boyfriend sought to override her with his so called "reason" Nana tromped on him and sent him to another room. Did he like it? Heck no. Did I care? Heck no. Aubrey was both miserable and becoming such an undisciplined brat no one could stand to be around her. And Nana made it clear if dear ol daddy didn't like it he could stay away. In turn.....Nichole realized that boyfriend's "parenting" style was not only not working but making Aubrey worse and she stepped totally up to the plate. She tromped on boyfriend herself. She kept rules/discipline ect consistent and appropriate and made dear ol daddy do the same. Aubrey's behavior did an abrupt about face.......she's so happy she is downright bubbly......and a pure joy to be around. boyfriend no longer complains.....and it's a rare thing for him to "reason" and he will stop as soon as Nichole calls him on it. (it's now a bad habit he's trying hard to break) As soon as Nichole began stepping up to the plate Nana backed right back out of the picture. I fell back into normal reinforcing/support role........and just got to be full blown Nana again. Now before someone says well that's because those two were very young parents.........I've had to do the same with easy child on occasion. And her parenting is nearly identical to my own. And we all know that if I didn't do it with Katie and her kids I'd not have a house left after one visit. It doesn't take a genius to see what Billie is doing with Hailey borders on abuse. She's making that little girl so awful in both personality and behavior that no one can stand her......most likely even her own parents. Is that fair to Hailey? Is it right that her own family may avoid her due to what her mother is doing/not doing? That it will stunt her social/emotional development? No. You don't have to hit a child to mess them up psychologically. I knew I most likely would not change boyfriend's mind on his parenting style. His family is so dysfunctional it's more than a little frightening. It was Nichole's attention I was trying to get. It was Nichole I was reminding of tried and true methods that work, methods she'd been raised with and knew were sound. Methods she'd been attempting to use until boyfriend had frustrated and mucked up the process to the point where she was ready to just give up. By stepping in I was reinforcing HER and showing HIM that it works without the long drawn out accomplish nothing drama that his style created. Yup. Probably could've blown up in my face. I wasn't boyfriend's favorite person for a very long time. I honestly really don't know how you didn't blow before now. Billie's blatant disrespect of you would've been enough to set me off ages ago. My next move? I would inform both Hailey and her mother that it will be x amount of time before I bought another gift since she obviously does not appreciate gifts. And I would tromp on Billie's disrespect of you. Jamie doesn't like it, tromp on him. You're HIS mother. They don't like it........they can keep their disaster to themselves and you can enjoy family that both respect and appreciate you. I feel sorry for Hailey. She's the one getting the short end of the shaft. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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