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easy child and a big huge guilt trip
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 584662" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>As I remember things, easy child is running roughshod over every limit and boundary you try to put into place. He just ignores the majority of any rules you make, and both you and your ex feel that he needs some firm male guidance or he will end up heading down the difficult child road also.</p><p></p><p>Given that, my response is that parenting isn't about being their friend, it is about making the hard choices, and making them do things they don't want to do because we know it will benefit them whether they like it or not. They get tons of friends/acquaintances but they don't get tons of parents. </p><p></p><p>I do wonder if maybe difficult child should go to her dad's instead, but you would still have to be able to make easy child listen to you and do what he needs to do and I am not sure you can do that.</p><p></p><p>You NEED to make sure that both easy child and ex/his wife know that you will be VERY active with his IEP, his dr appts, therapy appts, and that he WILL have accommodations at school and that ex and his wife are going to need to start reading about aspergers, sensory issues, etc... because otherwise this is going to be a disaster and it will likely cause major problems for everyone. Your ex may not like it, but tough noogies. It isn't like any of us realized our kid has a diagnosis and thought "Oh GOODY! Happy happy joy joy!" We still had to figure it out, find the right help and do what needed to be done.</p><p></p><p>Change isn't ever fun, esp for an aspie, but it happens and one of the BEST gifts you can give your child is the knowledge that they CAN cope iwth changes, even big ones. </p><p></p><p>All you can do is the best you can with what you have. It is easy to say a choice is not the right one when you don't have to live with the consequences, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>FYI: If you end up with a studio apartment, and you have easy child living iwth you instead of difficult child, you could lose custody totally. Almost every court would have a problem with a preteen/teen child sharing a one room apartment with the opposite sex parent. Many apartment complexes either won't rent to you or would evict you even before the lease is up if they learn that you do not have a bedroom for him so that you are not in the same room. I am not saying that anything inappropriate would happen, just that most areas have housing regulations that prohibit this and often this would be something the apt mgr would have to report to CPS if they were aware of it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 584662, member: 1233"] As I remember things, easy child is running roughshod over every limit and boundary you try to put into place. He just ignores the majority of any rules you make, and both you and your ex feel that he needs some firm male guidance or he will end up heading down the difficult child road also. Given that, my response is that parenting isn't about being their friend, it is about making the hard choices, and making them do things they don't want to do because we know it will benefit them whether they like it or not. They get tons of friends/acquaintances but they don't get tons of parents. I do wonder if maybe difficult child should go to her dad's instead, but you would still have to be able to make easy child listen to you and do what he needs to do and I am not sure you can do that. You NEED to make sure that both easy child and ex/his wife know that you will be VERY active with his IEP, his dr appts, therapy appts, and that he WILL have accommodations at school and that ex and his wife are going to need to start reading about aspergers, sensory issues, etc... because otherwise this is going to be a disaster and it will likely cause major problems for everyone. Your ex may not like it, but tough noogies. It isn't like any of us realized our kid has a diagnosis and thought "Oh GOODY! Happy happy joy joy!" We still had to figure it out, find the right help and do what needed to be done. Change isn't ever fun, esp for an aspie, but it happens and one of the BEST gifts you can give your child is the knowledge that they CAN cope iwth changes, even big ones. All you can do is the best you can with what you have. It is easy to say a choice is not the right one when you don't have to live with the consequences, Know what I mean?? FYI: If you end up with a studio apartment, and you have easy child living iwth you instead of difficult child, you could lose custody totally. Almost every court would have a problem with a preteen/teen child sharing a one room apartment with the opposite sex parent. Many apartment complexes either won't rent to you or would evict you even before the lease is up if they learn that you do not have a bedroom for him so that you are not in the same room. I am not saying that anything inappropriate would happen, just that most areas have housing regulations that prohibit this and often this would be something the apt mgr would have to report to CPS if they were aware of it. [/QUOTE]
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