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easy child and his autism. How do I explain it to him?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 569725" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Okay, I'm back now.</p><p></p><p>Basically, difficult child 3 is into computers, big time. Always has been. So I used computers as the metaphor.</p><p></p><p>Think about what's involved in printing a document, perhaps a letter you have written. You've got bits in bold, bits maybe in italics. You've got the indents in the right place, the returns in the right place. You might have the recipient's details up the top. perhaps a logo. Your address details tabbed across top right. Maybe even a heading in bold and a larger font size. Then you print it out.</p><p></p><p>Now you look at your document. If you didn't know which kind of computer (easy child or Mac) had been used to create the document, could you tell from the printout? Could anyone else tell, if they did not see you create the file or know what kind of computer you used? No, because you can create the same appearance to your letter no matter which kind of computer you use.</p><p></p><p>Now think about computers and their operating systems. The instructions to a Mac to tell it how to actually implement your requirements, are very different to the programming needed to get a easy child to do the same thing. If you try to use the easy child instructions on a Mac, it won't do the job as easily, maybe not at all. Similarly, instructions specifically and only for a Mac will not work on a easy child. No, you have to ensure that the correct program is used according to the computer's requirements.</p><p></p><p>And it's the same with people. Some people have Mac brains, others have easy child brains. Neither is better, they're just different. </p><p></p><p>Some people have difficulty perfomring some kinds of tasks especially if they are taught using the same instructions as everyone else. If they're given a chance to find out the different way their brain might be able to do the job, you can get results you were not anticipating. it's just a matter of finding out the right way each person needs, to learn and to use their brains.</p><p></p><p>With autism, some tasks are difficult and some are a lot easier. It's the same for a lot of people - I know an artist who paints brilliantly. He uses lots of amazing colours, surprising colours. His work hangs in galleries around the world. However, this man is dyslexic. In his case, he has to find a different way to get his message across. He doesn't shy away from trying to write, and a lot of his paintings have patches of his own text in them, spelling mistakes and all. It does not stop his work from selling in any way. He has found that the world values him and his work, just as he is.</p><p></p><p>People with autism might find some tasks a lot more challenging, and that feels very unfair when they realise this. But at the same time, there are other things a person with autism can often do, a lot better than most 'ordinary' people. It is important to learn to value your gifts, whoever you are and whatever you can do, and to not sweat the stuff that is more challenging.</p><p></p><p>I will never be an Olympic gymnast. I never was very good at that sort of thing, and I realise now, it's because my body was simply wrong for it. I'm short in the leg, long in the body and have very tight tendons. I was never able to do the splits, not even with practice and training. I haven't been able to touch my toes since I was five years old, even though I was a skinny little thing. I'm just the wrong shape - short in the leg, long in the body. But I found other things I was good at, and I'm still discovering things I'm better at than a lot of other people. it is fun discovering these things. As I learn things I'm not good at, I try to work out why I'm not good at them. Sometimes it's just lack of experience, and practice makes perfect. And sometimes it is just not something I will ever be good at no matter how much I practice. I have to make choices about what I work on, and what I will let go of.</p><p></p><p>Learning to value yourself for who and what you are, is a rare and special thing. A lot of people never do this. I raised my kids, all of them, to value themselves as they are. This is not always easy - other people add in their own influences and can stigmatise a kid even when they're trying to help. difficult child 3 had a religious instruction teacher who used to pray with him that his autism would be healed. I was very angry when I found out - not because I don't value prayer, not because I felt this person was a hurtful person. She was actually a loving, kind person who really cared about my kids. No, I was cross because such a prayer implies first, that autism is curable (not a message we give to our spectrum kids) but worst of all, that it meant there was something wrong that had to be fixed before he could consider himself a whole person.</p><p></p><p>My kids value themselves as they are. We had a house full of unusual individuals who accepted their uniquenesses and even enjoyed them. They identify it in others too, and value it where thye find it.</p><p></p><p>One last comment on this - difficult child 3 was first assessed by his current speech pathologist, when he was 9 years old. We became good friends with the speech pathologist and her family, which included a young girl who at the time was 5 years old. She is a very bright kid, we could see it even then. difficult child 3, after meeting the little girl, said to her mother, "Is your daughter autistic?"</p><p>The speech pathologist was aghast, offended even. "Of course she's not! Why would you ask that?"</p><p>difficult child 3 replied, "Because she's so very smart."</p><p>He has interpreted his own high IQ as a facet of his autism.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 569725, member: 1991"] Okay, I'm back now. Basically, difficult child 3 is into computers, big time. Always has been. So I used computers as the metaphor. Think about what's involved in printing a document, perhaps a letter you have written. You've got bits in bold, bits maybe in italics. You've got the indents in the right place, the returns in the right place. You might have the recipient's details up the top. perhaps a logo. Your address details tabbed across top right. Maybe even a heading in bold and a larger font size. Then you print it out. Now you look at your document. If you didn't know which kind of computer (easy child or Mac) had been used to create the document, could you tell from the printout? Could anyone else tell, if they did not see you create the file or know what kind of computer you used? No, because you can create the same appearance to your letter no matter which kind of computer you use. Now think about computers and their operating systems. The instructions to a Mac to tell it how to actually implement your requirements, are very different to the programming needed to get a easy child to do the same thing. If you try to use the easy child instructions on a Mac, it won't do the job as easily, maybe not at all. Similarly, instructions specifically and only for a Mac will not work on a easy child. No, you have to ensure that the correct program is used according to the computer's requirements. And it's the same with people. Some people have Mac brains, others have easy child brains. Neither is better, they're just different. Some people have difficulty perfomring some kinds of tasks especially if they are taught using the same instructions as everyone else. If they're given a chance to find out the different way their brain might be able to do the job, you can get results you were not anticipating. it's just a matter of finding out the right way each person needs, to learn and to use their brains. With autism, some tasks are difficult and some are a lot easier. It's the same for a lot of people - I know an artist who paints brilliantly. He uses lots of amazing colours, surprising colours. His work hangs in galleries around the world. However, this man is dyslexic. In his case, he has to find a different way to get his message across. He doesn't shy away from trying to write, and a lot of his paintings have patches of his own text in them, spelling mistakes and all. It does not stop his work from selling in any way. He has found that the world values him and his work, just as he is. People with autism might find some tasks a lot more challenging, and that feels very unfair when they realise this. But at the same time, there are other things a person with autism can often do, a lot better than most 'ordinary' people. It is important to learn to value your gifts, whoever you are and whatever you can do, and to not sweat the stuff that is more challenging. I will never be an Olympic gymnast. I never was very good at that sort of thing, and I realise now, it's because my body was simply wrong for it. I'm short in the leg, long in the body and have very tight tendons. I was never able to do the splits, not even with practice and training. I haven't been able to touch my toes since I was five years old, even though I was a skinny little thing. I'm just the wrong shape - short in the leg, long in the body. But I found other things I was good at, and I'm still discovering things I'm better at than a lot of other people. it is fun discovering these things. As I learn things I'm not good at, I try to work out why I'm not good at them. Sometimes it's just lack of experience, and practice makes perfect. And sometimes it is just not something I will ever be good at no matter how much I practice. I have to make choices about what I work on, and what I will let go of. Learning to value yourself for who and what you are, is a rare and special thing. A lot of people never do this. I raised my kids, all of them, to value themselves as they are. This is not always easy - other people add in their own influences and can stigmatise a kid even when they're trying to help. difficult child 3 had a religious instruction teacher who used to pray with him that his autism would be healed. I was very angry when I found out - not because I don't value prayer, not because I felt this person was a hurtful person. She was actually a loving, kind person who really cared about my kids. No, I was cross because such a prayer implies first, that autism is curable (not a message we give to our spectrum kids) but worst of all, that it meant there was something wrong that had to be fixed before he could consider himself a whole person. My kids value themselves as they are. We had a house full of unusual individuals who accepted their uniquenesses and even enjoyed them. They identify it in others too, and value it where thye find it. One last comment on this - difficult child 3 was first assessed by his current speech pathologist, when he was 9 years old. We became good friends with the speech pathologist and her family, which included a young girl who at the time was 5 years old. She is a very bright kid, we could see it even then. difficult child 3, after meeting the little girl, said to her mother, "Is your daughter autistic?" The speech pathologist was aghast, offended even. "Of course she's not! Why would you ask that?" difficult child 3 replied, "Because she's so very smart." He has interpreted his own high IQ as a facet of his autism. Marg [/QUOTE]
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