easy child did a difficult child thing . . .

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My easy child is the most responsible young adult anyone could hope for. So I was surprised yesterday when I got a call from husband saying that easy child had called to ask what to do about her car's broken rear window. Being a man, he didn't get any details and just told her to call a glass repair place who would come to her to replace the window. They also discussed whether to call her insurance company and decided she should just pay for it herself.

    I was out shopping when I got the call and asked husband how it happened and he didn't have any idea. So I called easy child and she told me she had left her car overnight in a bar parking lot. I asked her why in the world she would do that and she explained that she had had too much to drink and decided to leave it there rather than drive drunk. She pointed out that she had done the "responsible" thing.

    Being a mom, I felt the need to point out that the "responsible" thing was to refrain from drinking if she had driven in the first place.

    The difference between difficult child and easy child is that easy child accepts the consequences and is already dealing with getting the car fixed and doesn't expect anyone else to pay for the window.

    Still . . . I have to say that I was surprised. I guess it is not fair of me to expect easy child to really be perfect. LOL

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy my easy child would have done the same thing. It was very responsible of her and I'm proud that she handled the situation herself. Just think how she made that decision after she realized she had much to drink. Our difficult children would never even have thought to question their ability to drive.
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Oh, I seem to have different definitions for easy child. For me that sounds totally easy child thing to do.

    Deciding to drink without earlier planning and leaving the car, to me, is quite common thing to do. But of course my plans tend to evolve often anyway, so changing plans mid-flight seems so every day occurrence for me. I also really don't see leaving car to parking lot and it getting vandalized as a consequence, just a bad luck. But of course I quite often leave my car to parking lots or by the streets for nights for different reasons.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Really, SuZir? If I had driven myself somewhere and someone offered me a drink, I would have said, "No, thank you, I drove." It wouldn't occur to me to start drinking knowing that I would have to leave my car in a bar parking lot. Leaving a car in a dark parking lot where there would be inebriated people doesn't sound like a good plan to me and all actions have consequences. easy child and her friends have always had a designated driver when they go out. If easy child drove, she must have been the designated driver so that really wasn't a good decision on her part.

    I guess we do have different definitions of being a easy child.

    But I am glad that she made the decision that she did rather than drive drunk and I do think that having to pay $250 for a new window will make her think twice before doing it again. That's another sign of a easy child versus a difficult child . . . learning from mistakes.
  5. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Kathy: Well, I'm known to be rather easy to be persuaded to many different things straight from work. Having a beer or two with co-worker is one of those things. I try to keep an attitude, that I don't say no just because. I'm a control freak by nature and it would be so easy for me to slip to the lifestyle, there I would say no to everything, if I haven't planned them a month before. That is not something I want, so I try to keep myself flexible. I do plan and feel anxious, if I don't have a plan, but I try not to get stuck to my plans and keep myself open to changing plans and working the new plan in the go. So when someone proposes something, I try to never say 'That would be fun, but I can't because x', if it really sounds fun and if 'x' is not important. So just being with car, is not a good enough reason to have a few with a friend if it sounds a good idea otherwise. I will just call the cab home and pick the car up next day.

    And of course I happen to work upstairs of the bar (and not a trendy or up-scale one) and there is also a school near by so simply leaving my car to the parking lot while at work makes it vulnerable for vandals. And anyway, vandalazing is so very random. Only two times my car has been vandalized was at home (next to our garden, fields and forest around us in every direction and only other houses down the street belong to my in-laws and my husband's uncle), semi-rural area next to very quiet and rather wealthy suburb and rural area in other direction and other time was on the sport arena's parking lot during evening hours when my kids was having a game inside.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I guess the difference is that would I feel comfortable in that situation drinking a diet coke while my friend was drinking. In fact, I always volunteer to be the daughter when we go out with friends because I can have a perfectly good time sober while others are drinking. So I still wouldn't have to leave my car.
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    So true Kathy.
    As much as I like to see my daughter as the "easy child" in our family...she can have attitude and occosionally still mess up.
    Yep, the difference is easy child's tend to learn from their mistakes and NOT repeat them...sigh, difficult child's tend to keep doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a different result, sigh. Oh, and generally with our difficult child's, we are asked to share in the pain of paying consequences.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Glad she's fine, Kathy. by the way, our insurance company replaces glass free much to our happy surprise. DDD
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, DDD, we just assumed that her insurance company would say it fell under her deductible. Maybe she should check. Did it count as a claim against the insurance? We were afraid her premiums would go up.

  10. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I agree that the action was wrong. But I admire your easy child for telling you the truth, and for expecting to deal with the consequences of her (basically good) decision on her own.

    Mostly, I admire her for telling her parents the truth. She had to know you would be disappointed, but she told you the truth, anyway.

    Good job, easy child!

  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Around here, ANY claim of any nature always puts your premium up.
    We deleted glass coverage... we're going to pay for it ourselves anyway so we're just "self-insuring", so why pay the ins co to cover what we're never going to claim?
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Totally easy child.....she obviously found a safe ride home. Probably worked that out before deciding to have that first drink!
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Here's the weird part, they broke in through a rear passenger side window but rifled through her glove box so they obviously unlocked the doors. When they left, they locked the doors again for her. Wasn't that nice?

    She also can't figure out what they wanted. They left an old checkbook with checks in it and left her bank statements unopened in the glove box. The only other thing that was in the car where her clothes. There were also a couple of dollar bills that were in the glove box and they left those, too.

    I told her that the only thing I can think of was that they were looking for drugs and alcohol. easy child said well then they were sorely disappointed. She said that she should have left a note in the car saying that she was a poor schoolteacher so there was nothing of value to steal.

    I did suggest that she contact her bank and put a code on her account just in case.

  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Very odd that they didn't take anything...

    I too don't think there is even a smidge of difficult child-ness in her actions. Please don't be concerned!!

    When my easy child's stumble, I also go into a bit of overdrive. I think it's from excusing difficult child's beginning antics as typical teen behavior or growing pains. The whole "boys will be boys", adolescent angst thing. Of course, in retrospect many of those things were subtle warning signs-hindsight being 20/20 & all. And now I have bad case of a "waiting for the other shoe to fall" syndrome - or "difficult child PTSD." And I seem to extend it to everything and everyone in my life. Even when I recognize it. I am not great at limiting it.

    So, no judgment here. Sisters in arms...
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sig, I never thought for a second that she wasn't still totally a easy child. I just said she did a stupid thing. Actually, I think having a difficult child made me the opposite with easy child when reacting to the little things she did. I realized that I had overreacted with difficult child a lot so I made a deliberate effort to not overreact with easy child. Of course, easy child made it a lot easier to be a good parent.

  16. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I'm sorry if I came off wrong-