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easy child/difficult child called the police
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 623259" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you need to sit easy child/difficult child down and have a strong chat wtih her. she needs to know that SHE bears responsibility in this, not just difficult child. She is an adult now, and as her actions looked like charging, and as she would physically harm difficult child in the past, HER actions are out of line. As an adult, if she wants to continue to live in your home, with the luxuries you have that she cannot provide for herself, she needs to leave difficult child alone when told to. she needs to work on NEVER looking like she is charging him because that alone could be considered a threat and SHE could have 911 called on her and she could be arrested for threatening him. She is an adult and needs to act like one. If she is annoyed, she can leave the room. If she is picking at him, she needs to stop. If she triggers something like this, she needs to be told she will have to move out. And you and husband need to enforce that. </p><p></p><p>She may not be able to move to a nice place. That is HER issue. As an adult, if she wants to continue to live at home, she has to be a responsible adult. It is sad. I know you want her with you. But as the minor, difficult child is the one you need to protect. If he hurts her because he thinks she is going to attack him, it may or may not result in him having a criminal record that could destroy the rest of his life. If you are not home and things go too far and easy child/difficult child calls the cops, he could be charged as an ADULT. If she is seriously hurt or he grabs a knife or other weapon, he could face years or even life in prison. This will destroy any chance he ever had at a successful life outside the prison system. </p><p></p><p>I knoq easy child/difficult child is smaller and that it has been very hard to grow up iwth a difficult child brother. Believe me, I truly understand. But she is an adult and has different rules than he does. In his mind, she is still the person who used to physically hurt him, the one who charged him. sure, he is now bigger, but that isn't an adjustment him mind and emotions have made. As the minor, esp the minor old enough to be charged as an adult if a crime occurs, HE is the one you need to protect first. </p><p></p><p>It is real easy to trigger a difficult child. Heck, having not seen my gfgbro in a couple of years, I could probably trigger rage in him in under a half hour. easy child/difficult child MUST learn to not keep picking. If she has a therapist, ask the therapist to help her understand why it is not okay for her to keep on pushing and picking at difficult child, and how she bears responsibility as an adult in any situation iwth him now. </p><p></p><p>Of course difficult child should never have punched her. But in his mind, he was the little boy she used to hurt. She charged at him (even if it was not her intention, it LOOKED that way), and it threw him back into PTSD over times she did that in the past. She is NOT blameless, and needs to accept that.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that they are so divided. I hope that time and therapy will help them both, as will maturity. I hope you do not end up where my folks are, with one adult child refusing to have anything to do with the other. I hate being the adult child who refuses, but when his presence sends my kids into nightmares and panic attacks (which my parents flat out refuse to accept as reality), I don't have much choice. I know it hurts horribly, and I hope that time, maturity and therapy will help your family through this. But right now, easy child/difficult child is the adult and must be made to face the fact that she must behave like one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 623259, member: 1233"] I think you need to sit easy child/difficult child down and have a strong chat wtih her. she needs to know that SHE bears responsibility in this, not just difficult child. She is an adult now, and as her actions looked like charging, and as she would physically harm difficult child in the past, HER actions are out of line. As an adult, if she wants to continue to live in your home, with the luxuries you have that she cannot provide for herself, she needs to leave difficult child alone when told to. she needs to work on NEVER looking like she is charging him because that alone could be considered a threat and SHE could have 911 called on her and she could be arrested for threatening him. She is an adult and needs to act like one. If she is annoyed, she can leave the room. If she is picking at him, she needs to stop. If she triggers something like this, she needs to be told she will have to move out. And you and husband need to enforce that. She may not be able to move to a nice place. That is HER issue. As an adult, if she wants to continue to live at home, she has to be a responsible adult. It is sad. I know you want her with you. But as the minor, difficult child is the one you need to protect. If he hurts her because he thinks she is going to attack him, it may or may not result in him having a criminal record that could destroy the rest of his life. If you are not home and things go too far and easy child/difficult child calls the cops, he could be charged as an ADULT. If she is seriously hurt or he grabs a knife or other weapon, he could face years or even life in prison. This will destroy any chance he ever had at a successful life outside the prison system. I knoq easy child/difficult child is smaller and that it has been very hard to grow up iwth a difficult child brother. Believe me, I truly understand. But she is an adult and has different rules than he does. In his mind, she is still the person who used to physically hurt him, the one who charged him. sure, he is now bigger, but that isn't an adjustment him mind and emotions have made. As the minor, esp the minor old enough to be charged as an adult if a crime occurs, HE is the one you need to protect first. It is real easy to trigger a difficult child. Heck, having not seen my gfgbro in a couple of years, I could probably trigger rage in him in under a half hour. easy child/difficult child MUST learn to not keep picking. If she has a therapist, ask the therapist to help her understand why it is not okay for her to keep on pushing and picking at difficult child, and how she bears responsibility as an adult in any situation iwth him now. Of course difficult child should never have punched her. But in his mind, he was the little boy she used to hurt. She charged at him (even if it was not her intention, it LOOKED that way), and it threw him back into PTSD over times she did that in the past. She is NOT blameless, and needs to accept that. I am so sorry that they are so divided. I hope that time and therapy will help them both, as will maturity. I hope you do not end up where my folks are, with one adult child refusing to have anything to do with the other. I hate being the adult child who refuses, but when his presence sends my kids into nightmares and panic attacks (which my parents flat out refuse to accept as reality), I don't have much choice. I know it hurts horribly, and I hope that time, maturity and therapy will help your family through this. But right now, easy child/difficult child is the adult and must be made to face the fact that she must behave like one. [/QUOTE]
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