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easy child/difficult child tensions
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 243119" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Thanks for the encouragement. You're right, the others do think difficult child is pulling the wool over our eyes and using us now, and also planning to drink/use again in future. And he uses that attitude to complain to us that it doesn't matter what he does (good things), nothing ever changes in terms of how his sibs see him. We've explained that it takes a lot of time to re-earn trust; but that conversation usually derails at that point as he tries to focus on his sibs and their sins. </p><p></p><p>I think husband and I have reached a point of detachment where we realize difficult child probably will go back to using at some point when he a) reconnects with bad friends or b) has some stress in his life. We hope not, but we're not deluding ourselves. In the meantime we offer encouragement in the things difficult child is doing that are positive, and we push him a little to think about the future and planning for a job that will support him. </p><p></p><p>Kids, as you say, are far less forgiving of their sibs than parents are. I guess they see more of each other's core, unmasked personalities - plus they didn't carry their sib for nine months! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> on the other hand I think young people don't always have the ability to step back and accept the good things a person is doing while keeping their eyes open about the bad things. Everything is black or white. I can forgive my difficult child for many things but it doesn't mean I forget them or get straight back in line for another dose of the same! But my easy child sons don't see that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 243119, member: 2884"] Thanks for the encouragement. You're right, the others do think difficult child is pulling the wool over our eyes and using us now, and also planning to drink/use again in future. And he uses that attitude to complain to us that it doesn't matter what he does (good things), nothing ever changes in terms of how his sibs see him. We've explained that it takes a lot of time to re-earn trust; but that conversation usually derails at that point as he tries to focus on his sibs and their sins. I think husband and I have reached a point of detachment where we realize difficult child probably will go back to using at some point when he a) reconnects with bad friends or b) has some stress in his life. We hope not, but we're not deluding ourselves. In the meantime we offer encouragement in the things difficult child is doing that are positive, and we push him a little to think about the future and planning for a job that will support him. Kids, as you say, are far less forgiving of their sibs than parents are. I guess they see more of each other's core, unmasked personalities - plus they didn't carry their sib for nine months! :) on the other hand I think young people don't always have the ability to step back and accept the good things a person is doing while keeping their eyes open about the bad things. Everything is black or white. I can forgive my difficult child for many things but it doesn't mean I forget them or get straight back in line for another dose of the same! But my easy child sons don't see that. [/QUOTE]
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