easy child/difficult child, we don't know what to do

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Really unsure how to handle easy child/difficult child right now. She is wound so tight that she explodes at every little thing. Talk about walking on eggshells! A couple of things seem to be going on:

    1. Right now she cannot stand to be near difficult child at all. He cannot talk to her, ask her a question, or basically look at him without her screaming at him that he should not talk or look at her. (This is even when he isn't acting gfgish). She just has 0 tolerance for him at all and is constantly on his case about everything. This, of course, gets him riled up and he responds as a difficult child. He truly doesn't get why she is so mean to him. husband and I really don't know what to do to help. He has taken her out to dinner and movies just the two of them and I offer to do things with just her but nothing helps.

    2. She is acting very anti-social. She says she has no friends (her choice according to her-she says her friends still want to hang out with her-who knows the truth?). She says she eats lunch by herself and just reads a book. Over winter break she was hanging out with her friends. Now she says they are all shallow! When we try to talk to her she just says she isn't upset about it so we shouldn't worry about it.

    3. Strangely, she is doing a little more around the house to help with-o being asked (she organized the pantry, shoveled, did dishes all in the last week without being asked-this is totally unlike her-it's a good thing but weird with how she is acting about everything else).

    Talking to her is very difficult. If you ask a question she is liable to blow; sometimes she will talk but very little. She almost acts like she wants to be miserable. I know this has to be related to other things and that no one wants to miserable but how do we help someone who is so bent on wanting to be the way she is (or at least saying that).

    She is suppose to graduate in June and we don't want to have to kick her out of the house; she wants to stay and go to a 2 year college and then later transfer, however, we may have to ask her to leave because she is making things so difficult for difficult child.

    Any thoughts or ideas?
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh gosh it's hard enough having to deal with one difficult child. You don't get much peace do you?

    Hopefully she will open up and talk about what's going on. It sounds like typical teen stuff to me but then again my almost teen is a difficult child so I don't know normal lol.

    I wish I had some suggestions but I can't think of anything you aren't already doing.

    Hang in there. Worse comes to worse when she is 18 you will have the option of telling to shape up or ....
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Is she seeing a therapist to talk about her feelings?

    Is there a chance her medications are making things worse instead of better?

    Can she take some time off before she goes right to college? Maybe she needs to feel better before diving into more school. Just a thought.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'd be looking at the Welbutrin for the irritability and the Zoloft for the apathy.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This sounds rather like how Wiz treated Jess after he had been on zoloft for a while. During the day he found fault with everything she did - even if she was in the next room. If he was aware of her then he was furious at her and hated her. It built up slowly over time while he was on zoloft. He didn't know why he felt that way, was miserable everywhere all the time, and was really tough to be around. We ended up changing him to other medications when a medication wash turned out to be dangerous and disastrous - he scared the people at the psychiatric hospital with his deep desire to kill himself. It took 3 different medications with antidepressant qualities (strattera, luvox and trazodone) to turn this around. Strattera is for adhd but also works on depression, and trazodone is a tricyclic that works on sleep issue and depression/anxiety.

    It very well might be the zoloft and welbutrin causing this, even if she has bbeen helped by them for a long itme. Our docs did NOT believe it could be the zoloft until he wa off it and totally different.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    how old is she, 16? has she ever had the opportunity just wondering because i'm in a similar boat the chance to vent about her feelings towards being a sibling of a difficult child? our easy child's hold alot of resentment towards our difficult child's i think, i really do. maybe not at the level in which us the parents can even see it unless we're in family therapy or something. i know i thought for years easy child was ok with difficult child land yet in reality she is not and is presenting quite similar to yours right now.

    never easy, and yea i'd say go with therapy. the thought of yet another kid in it i know makes you wanna cringe yet maybe even a few appointments if she isnt' already in it to see where all that irritability and frustration is coming from. it's sounding that way yet i could be way off especially how she's offering to help around house with-o being asked during being such an interesting child let's say lol. sort of mixed up easy child feelings ya know? words and actions dont' match.

    good luck either way.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ML-Thanks for your support and you're right I don't get much peace (except at work:)).

    SW-She hasn't seen her therapist since Oct. or Nov. However, I did make 3 appts for her the other day. Unfortunately, the first one isn't until the 28th of February. We're fine with her taking some time off before starting school. We've told her this but have also said then she needs to find a job and be working. She is so good at avoidance that if she could she would love nothing better than to stay home and hide away.

    Flutter and Susie-I just updated my signature. She's been off the Zoloft completely for quite awhile. It could be the Welbutrin?

    Jena-Just updated my signature. She is 17 and will be 18 in July. We have had her in therapy for dealing with difficult child since she was 11. Unfortunately, it has never seemed to help much but she likes the therapist and won't consider anyone else. She vocally expresses her anger/hatred for difficult child. She believes all of her anger and problems are due to him. Actually, I wouldn't be at all opposed to her being involved in a group therapy but don't think I could get her to go along with it.

    She is so different from other teens I know. She sleeps so much (always has since she was super tiny) that even though she always has I think some of it is avoidance. The anger at her difficult child brother is incredibly strong. She really is unable to show any empathy for him and not much in general for anyone else. She is very passive aggressive. One thing that makes me so sad is how little she seems to smile and ever just relax. She does have an incredible sense of humor-a strong trait if you are a member of husband's family:). She has a ton of anxiety and has openly expressed she is not ready to "grow up". She is somewhere on the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) spectrum as well but I'm not really sure how much. She does not easily open up to anyone; has built a huge wall around herself. She and I have talked about this on the rare occasion that she did open up and she admits she does have a huge wall built up. Sorry I seem to be rambling now. I'm very concerned and feeling so unable to help. It doesn't help that difficult child is openly terrified of her:(
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    It's not at all uncommon for Welbutrin to make people irritable. And in some cases, that's putting it mildly. Personally, I don't know anyone (in real life) who has taken it that it hasn't made them irritable...crabby...really hard to be around, except for difficult child. It had zero effect on her - good or bad.
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Is this the one that's been sneaking smokes? Could be withdrawal, I'm so irritable when I have to go without or try to quit that I'm safer around others when I do smoke. "Irritable" doesn't exactly cover it, I'm almost homicidal.
    Otherwise no ideas that weren't already mentioned (though I personally did very on Wellbutrin), just support.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She sounds a lot like my difficult child at that age. I struggled with how to help her be happy. She would outright tell me she did not trust me. I would just say, if you can not trust your mom there is nobody you can trust. She answered with "I trust grandma." That is the only person she trusted at that time in her life.

    If there is any way to get her on a campus or in an apartment for college - I highly recommend it. My difficult child has flourished since moving out on her own.