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easy child school issue - conflict resolution
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 468803" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are exactly right that there is NO WAY a 5th grader can get her peers to behave and do anything if they are determined to play and not do the group assignment. </p><p></p><p>I rarely found group work to be useful in ANY way. I had maybe 3 group projects in high school that were not horrible and two in college. Yes, you do have to sometimes work in groups as part of a job, but rarely is the dynamic anything near what it is in school. If college kids can't handle group work, how on earth is a 5th grader?</p><p></p><p>WHY is it your daughter's job to make the other kids behave and do their work? Did she suddenly get a college degree and become an adult? I would ask the teacher exactly that question. Not so much as a confrontation, but as an honest question that you want answers to. Show the teacher the things daughter came up with, and ask why it was left up to a child to make the other kids participate and behave well. </p><p></p><p>I would also call the psychiatrist and/or therapist and get one of them to give you a letter saying that this type of group work is harmful to daughter's emotional well being and she is to be graded on her work and not on either the work of other people in a group, and that it is unreasonable and harmful to her to even suggest that she is responsible for the other children's behavior esp in group.</p><p></p><p>Given daughter's perfectionism, anxiety problems and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), she is not going to be able to cope with group work, esp if she is responsible for making the other children behave in any certain way. If daughter is urging the kids to do things that are not appropriate then she needs to be held accountable, but that doesn't sound like her. As long as she is behaving relatively appropriately, then how the other kids behave shouldn't be her problem.</p><p></p><p>Expecting daughter to keep the other kids in line is not only inappropriate, it will set her up to be harrassed in multiple ways by her peers. This is not good for her emotional well being and could send her into an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/perfectionist breakdown. Hopefully the therapist or psychiatrist will give you a letter stating how groupwork, esp with the teacher putting the responsibility for the other children's behavior onto daughter, is harmful to daughter's well being and that daughter needs to either be graded on her work and behavior in the group or be given a separate assignment modified to be done by one person rather than a group.</p><p></p><p>At the next IEP meeting you need to have this put into her IEP also. </p><p></p><p>It should probably be pointed out to the teacher that if daughter really pushes the other kids to behave well then the other kids are either going to refuse to play with her at recess, tease her for being a "goody goody" and "brown-noser" or make her life a complete misery by picking on her in other ways. Not to mention that daughter is going to get fed up and either explode or just do all the work herself, which is a burden she should not be expected to shoulder and keeps the other kids from having to even try to do the work. WHen the other kids aren't doing the work, they will be goofing around and not behaving appropriately, which will bring the situation back to the original problem, over and over again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 468803, member: 1233"] You are exactly right that there is NO WAY a 5th grader can get her peers to behave and do anything if they are determined to play and not do the group assignment. I rarely found group work to be useful in ANY way. I had maybe 3 group projects in high school that were not horrible and two in college. Yes, you do have to sometimes work in groups as part of a job, but rarely is the dynamic anything near what it is in school. If college kids can't handle group work, how on earth is a 5th grader? WHY is it your daughter's job to make the other kids behave and do their work? Did she suddenly get a college degree and become an adult? I would ask the teacher exactly that question. Not so much as a confrontation, but as an honest question that you want answers to. Show the teacher the things daughter came up with, and ask why it was left up to a child to make the other kids participate and behave well. I would also call the psychiatrist and/or therapist and get one of them to give you a letter saying that this type of group work is harmful to daughter's emotional well being and she is to be graded on her work and not on either the work of other people in a group, and that it is unreasonable and harmful to her to even suggest that she is responsible for the other children's behavior esp in group. Given daughter's perfectionism, anxiety problems and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), she is not going to be able to cope with group work, esp if she is responsible for making the other children behave in any certain way. If daughter is urging the kids to do things that are not appropriate then she needs to be held accountable, but that doesn't sound like her. As long as she is behaving relatively appropriately, then how the other kids behave shouldn't be her problem. Expecting daughter to keep the other kids in line is not only inappropriate, it will set her up to be harrassed in multiple ways by her peers. This is not good for her emotional well being and could send her into an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/perfectionist breakdown. Hopefully the therapist or psychiatrist will give you a letter stating how groupwork, esp with the teacher putting the responsibility for the other children's behavior onto daughter, is harmful to daughter's well being and that daughter needs to either be graded on her work and behavior in the group or be given a separate assignment modified to be done by one person rather than a group. At the next IEP meeting you need to have this put into her IEP also. It should probably be pointed out to the teacher that if daughter really pushes the other kids to behave well then the other kids are either going to refuse to play with her at recess, tease her for being a "goody goody" and "brown-noser" or make her life a complete misery by picking on her in other ways. Not to mention that daughter is going to get fed up and either explode or just do all the work herself, which is a burden she should not be expected to shoulder and keeps the other kids from having to even try to do the work. WHen the other kids aren't doing the work, they will be goofing around and not behaving appropriately, which will bring the situation back to the original problem, over and over again. [/QUOTE]
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