Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
easy child (soon to be a difficult child) boyfriend was arrested
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 389767"><p>Hi Jena,</p><p></p><p>I feel for you and have some thoughts about this. I was the difficult children parents when my son was seeing a very nice easy child girl. When they met he was actually doing well and they really liked him.... but over time his gfgness came out big time and they rightfully got very concerned. The really good thing was her mom and I became friends early in their relationship and so we actually have supported each other through some of their bad times. That has actually been kind of amazing and we are still friends.</p><p></p><p>I was also in an abusive relationship when I was in college and my parents handled that really well, thank goodness.</p><p></p><p>So I have a couple of thoughts.... when a young women is involved with a young man, even one who is terrible for her, she is not going to listen to her parents opinions about him. A relationship like that can turn abusive pretty easily. What she needs is a lot of love and support and guidance. The choice to end the relationship is hers and she is unlikely to listen to your pleas to leave or be done with him.</p><p></p><p>The difficult line to walk for you as her parent, is to love her and guide her without putting her in a situation where she cant talk to you about what she is feeling about thsi relationship. I understand that you don't like him at all, see him as a terrible influence, and of course this is all borne out by the fact that he was arrested. No question he is not a good guy.</p><p></p><p>However I think if you come down hard on your daughter, try to forbid her from seeing him etc that it will just push her away from you and make it even harder for her to end the relationship. So often one feels very isolated when in a relationship like that, and the isolation makes it harder to leave.</p><p></p><p>So yes set limits on what you yourself will deal with. So that may mean he is not welcome in your home. Set limits on any of her bad behavior such as the disrespect or not following your rules. I personally would not try and prevent her from seeing him because I think that will backfire. I would try to have conversations with her about healthy relationships, what are the things she likes about him, what kinds of things she wants in her future etc. </p><p></p><p>I would call his mother and ask to meet her for coffee... and see if you can connect with her and let her know your concerns.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter needs to know you will be there for her no matter what. </p><p></p><p>In my sons girlfriend case she eventually got strong enough to break up with my son. In my case in college I eventually broke up with my boyfriend and felt my parents were wonderfully supportive when I did so. I knew they did not like him and were very worried about me, they didn't hide that, but he had always been welcome and I absolutely knew they were there when I finally made the choice to leave that relationship.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, I know this is a really hard situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 389767"] Hi Jena, I feel for you and have some thoughts about this. I was the difficult children parents when my son was seeing a very nice easy child girl. When they met he was actually doing well and they really liked him.... but over time his gfgness came out big time and they rightfully got very concerned. The really good thing was her mom and I became friends early in their relationship and so we actually have supported each other through some of their bad times. That has actually been kind of amazing and we are still friends. I was also in an abusive relationship when I was in college and my parents handled that really well, thank goodness. So I have a couple of thoughts.... when a young women is involved with a young man, even one who is terrible for her, she is not going to listen to her parents opinions about him. A relationship like that can turn abusive pretty easily. What she needs is a lot of love and support and guidance. The choice to end the relationship is hers and she is unlikely to listen to your pleas to leave or be done with him. The difficult line to walk for you as her parent, is to love her and guide her without putting her in a situation where she cant talk to you about what she is feeling about thsi relationship. I understand that you don't like him at all, see him as a terrible influence, and of course this is all borne out by the fact that he was arrested. No question he is not a good guy. However I think if you come down hard on your daughter, try to forbid her from seeing him etc that it will just push her away from you and make it even harder for her to end the relationship. So often one feels very isolated when in a relationship like that, and the isolation makes it harder to leave. So yes set limits on what you yourself will deal with. So that may mean he is not welcome in your home. Set limits on any of her bad behavior such as the disrespect or not following your rules. I personally would not try and prevent her from seeing him because I think that will backfire. I would try to have conversations with her about healthy relationships, what are the things she likes about him, what kinds of things she wants in her future etc. I would call his mother and ask to meet her for coffee... and see if you can connect with her and let her know your concerns. Your daughter needs to know you will be there for her no matter what. In my sons girlfriend case she eventually got strong enough to break up with my son. In my case in college I eventually broke up with my boyfriend and felt my parents were wonderfully supportive when I did so. I knew they did not like him and were very worried about me, they didn't hide that, but he had always been welcome and I absolutely knew they were there when I finally made the choice to leave that relationship. Good luck, I know this is a really hard situation. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
easy child (soon to be a difficult child) boyfriend was arrested
Top