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General Parenting
Embarrassment leading to defiance
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 412318" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Forcing participation is risking setting him up for failure. If he is stressed or anxious, he is going to be less likely to participate. The bullying in class has to stop - it's wrong anyhow, doubly wrong when it targets those least equipped to cope. This is a multifactorial problem and needs to be attacked on multiple levels. Having to invite a friend should not be compulsory - if he can't get his friend to go this week, he needs to feel OK about turning up on his own. </p><p></p><p>Another approach to take with him - the two boys who are teasing him are already hassling him. How much worse could it get? If he invited them, it could turn this around and teach them that he needs to be given a break. Frankly, if I were the principal I would be sending those two boys to the social skills group, in the absence of difficult child.</p><p></p><p>We had a few times when our kids refused to participate in something we had set up specially for them. Often when we went back to investigate further, thee were problems with the program in some way. For example, difficult child 1's karate class - we were told it would be good for him, help build self-edteem. But soon after he started he became reluctant to go, but would not explain why. It turned out that the teacher was bullying him but also using the "ethos" of the class to keep it secret. "We don't disclose karate secrets to anyone not in the class". "We don't whine to our mothers if we want to become skilled and strong."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 412318, member: 1991"] Forcing participation is risking setting him up for failure. If he is stressed or anxious, he is going to be less likely to participate. The bullying in class has to stop - it's wrong anyhow, doubly wrong when it targets those least equipped to cope. This is a multifactorial problem and needs to be attacked on multiple levels. Having to invite a friend should not be compulsory - if he can't get his friend to go this week, he needs to feel OK about turning up on his own. Another approach to take with him - the two boys who are teasing him are already hassling him. How much worse could it get? If he invited them, it could turn this around and teach them that he needs to be given a break. Frankly, if I were the principal I would be sending those two boys to the social skills group, in the absence of difficult child. We had a few times when our kids refused to participate in something we had set up specially for them. Often when we went back to investigate further, thee were problems with the program in some way. For example, difficult child 1's karate class - we were told it would be good for him, help build self-edteem. But soon after he started he became reluctant to go, but would not explain why. It turned out that the teacher was bullying him but also using the "ethos" of the class to keep it secret. "We don't disclose karate secrets to anyone not in the class". "We don't whine to our mothers if we want to become skilled and strong." Marg [/QUOTE]
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Embarrassment leading to defiance
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