Emoting....I need to make a decision

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by upallnight, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I have to tell husband that I'm going to go in to the hospital. Not the current doctors' hospital, but one I had been in previously. The problem is husband thinks I better just go back to work ASAP and really, nothing is wrong in his mind , I'm making it up, and he is going to be MAD when I tell him this.
    The reality is I weigh 91 pounds now and clearly I'm a mess. I cannot eat all this....meal plan, which now includes 6 CLIFF BARS A DAY plus all this other gigantic food portions. This past wekend I gained weight and I ate barely anything...so I am crying.

    The doctor just stares at me and says nothing when I talk to him and he makes me feel creepy. He just types away in his laptop, and I swear I am getting worse. I feel like tomorrow in the "family session" husband is going to hear how the dr won't give me a note to go back to work and he will be so angry at me!!!! And he'll also hear that I really am not "well"- He will disagree and think I'm an idiot.But behind the dr's back I made another call to Renfrew where I had been. I can be in by the end of the week. I'm not sure what to do. Who wants to go anywhere, but I am losing it, and am holding it in. You know, everythings fine. Tonight we're going to the movies. See, nothing is wrong!

    I have been pretending to husband that NOTHING IS wrong, and am acting like I can't wait to just get that note and go back to work. But, i don't feel well and I've really been lying to him about my stuff. I'm just mad and a hater right now. Forgive my craziness!
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Stop pretending. Let it all hang out. Men have trouble picking up and registering what we feel when we show it, when we pretend.....zip right over their heads.

    If you need to go in hospital, and I agree with you wholeheartedly, then go, husband will deal or not, that is HIS issue, not yours. Yours is to get help for yourself. Everyone around you can just deal with it. Sometimes it's gotta be that way. If you had a major heartattack, they'd have to deal. Same thing, except a major health problem is what you're trying to avoid, like system failure due to malnutrition.

    Don't worry about husband. He's a big boy. You worry about you for a change, right now you're top priority, NUMBER ONE above anything else.

    No more pretending hon. People can't help you if they don't know there is any help needed.

    Praying hard for ya.

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    UAN, you do need to let it all out! DHs are notorious for taking us at our word... Not a good thing. YOU know it's an issue for you, and though I applaud you for gaining weight - YOU know you need more help - GO GET IT!!!

    You're not ready to go back to work - obviously, or you wouldn't even mention it. If you think the hospital's a good idea, go for it!

    And FWIW? You've been eating tiny portions for so long, your stomach can't handle a lot at once. Are they slowly adding more or did they just dump a bunch on at once?

    :hugs: You are awesome! I'm really proud of you for keeping at this!
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Truthfully I think many (if not most) of us "baby" our husband's. There is this fierce need to be the perfect woman that causes alot of underlying problems. Please accept some advice from one who has done it the "wrong way" in two marriages....spit it out as it is. In fact I might suggest not just telling him that you are going to the old hospital. Tell him the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You are not well. You have tried to protect him from any concern but now your health safety is at stake. You wish you were half as well as you pretend to be but you are not. You hope he will step up to the plate and provide all the support he can.

    I know this will not be easy for you but pull out your Warrior Mom outfit and relabel it Warrior Spouse! Sending very caring support and hugs your way. DDD
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    You know what you need to do. Once there they will help you sort it out with husband further. Just do it. The life lessons you are teaching your kids to care for themselves for the health of your whole family are invaluable. It will be a shock, and it seems maybe a little bit of it understandably so if you are doing such a good job of hiding things. But that is what you need to share. That you understand he wont be able to wrap his head around it because you have been pretending and just doing your best to hang on by your finger nails and now that you are in a phase of treatment that is really pushing your buttons you need extra help to get past this hump.

    Hub will get over it. IF he doesn't... well then that is more to talk about in counseling because those underneath issues drive us to continue in these kinds of unhealthy coping behaviors.

    You are making a good choice here... follow your beliefs.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Ditto this exactly!!!! Time to let him see the "real world"!!! NO MORE pretending. NO MORE protecting. If he can't handle the truth or won't accept the truth, that is HIS problem. You're priority is YOU. Do what YOU have to do!! He's a big boy.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    It's wonderful that you recognize the need for more and better care and are willing to what it takes to get it. And it's wonderful that you realize you've been pretending with H and that this needs to stop. Those realizations are huge, now it is time to act on them.

    Take care of you, put your health and well being first. When we do that, of course it causes some discomfort to those who are used to us doing it all and being so capable. But their discomfort is secondary to your good health.

    I know for me it's also very difficult to ask for help or to allow my H and kids know that I'm struggling. Usually by the time I fall apart, I've been suffering for a while and it shocks them all. H is clearly uncomfortable when I'm crying or needy, but oh well.

    Big hugs, put on your armor and bring H up to speed-full disclosure. You can do this, you've already come so far. We believe in you! xo
  8. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs to u and u will be in our prayers. Rabbit
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Thank you..all of you, this is exactly right. If he's mad...he'll get over it, the worst that can happen is he wants a divorce, and I'll be fine. You guys are so awesome!

    Step-In an in-patient setting, they slowly add more. Here, they only added 2 more Cliff Bars a day. But, it doesn't matter because I never even ate the 4.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I have no clue what a Cliff Bar is, but I'm going to guess it's probably a high protein, high cal, nutritious sort of bar. And while that is great, because you need it........Do they teach you in patient the healthy portions to eat and gradually work you up to those as well? I was wondering if perhaps you could eventually feel better about eating more calories/food if you had help learning to eat healthier choices at the right portions?

    Dunno, was just wondering. I'm not sure how such treatment programs work exactly.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    GO Go go... let husband figure it out for himself, this is what YOU need to be healthy.

    Hugs and prayers to you!
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so sorry you are struggling with all of this. PLEASE go to the hospital. What you say about your doctor is scary. How can he sit there and not say anything, but just up what you are supposed to eat when it MUST be clear you are not yet eating what they assigned before the increase? The doctor clearly is not engaged in the healing process with you. Go and find one who is able to meet your needs. That doctor might be right for someone, not that I can imagine who that would be, but he isn't right for you.

    PLEASE let your husband see/hear all of it. He is an adult and will figure out how to deal. If he can't? Then he has to deal with that.

    FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Please go to the hospital, even if husband doesn't like it or is mad. You NEED it. Your LIFE is at stake, We will be here for you, but you have to be here or we can't be here for you!!! PLEASE go to the hospital that iwll help you. This outpatient thing just isn't working. It doesn't matter WHAT eating plan they give you if you cannot eat it. Half a cliff bar or no cliff bar or a dozen cliff bars makes no difference if you are not ready and able to eat them. Right now your body would reject them if you tried to eat them all. Go to the hospital. let them help you with this battle. We are not going anywhere. If you can post from the hospital that is fine. If you cannot? We wll STILL be prayng for you and sending good vibes and wanting the best for you and when you get out we will be here.

    husband will deal with it. You cannot control him and you cannot worry about what is best for him other than you being healthy. YOU must be your priority, not husband's feelings. Those are his responsibility. Not yours.

    Love you and want you to get the help you need.
  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    It sounds to me like husband is in denial. I think things will be better and he will see the difference when you are healthy. You have to get healthy and leave the rest (including him and his opinions) behind until you are better.
  14. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Please take care of yourself. I agree with the others that sometimes (ok most of the time) we have to just put it out there for our husband's....because they don't always pick up on non-verbal stuff.

    I hope you'll go into the hospital and get healthy. You are brave and strong and can do this.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    :) My husband doesn't pick up on "verbal" clues to say nothing of "nonverbal" ones. He is kind to the core but oblivious. DDD
  16. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Even if there weren't "something wrong with you" to your husband's satisfaction, he should absolutely realize that no one in their right mind would check themselves into that type of place if there were nothing wrong with them. He can either accept that what you say is true, and you need help; or that what you're saying isn't true, and you need help.

    Hope this makes sense. {{{{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    At your weight sounds like your husband willfully let you claim everything is fine when his eyes should have told him otherwise. Don't pretend and take care of YOU.