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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 22301" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Janet, I wouldn't presume to know your relationship with boyfriend. I guess if I were in your shoes, I would weigh all the good he brings to your life and put it against the negative. He hasn't betrayed you as much as made you feel left out of a portion of his life. </p><p>Weighing the good and the bad will probably give you an indication of which direction to go. </p><p>I must say that all adults let down their spouse in some way or another over the course of a lifetime. It's a matter of degree. </p><p></p><p>Feeling left out is a pretty powerful situation that brings up a lot of fears in most people. It's the same old "I'm not good enough" that starts with girls in Jr. High. At this point you are good enough and you can hold your own. It's a matter of trust,giving(his and yours), support and understanding that will see if you two are meshing for a lifetime or not. These issues of disappointment between what we expect and what he expects that will go on throughout a relationship. Some boundaries can't be crossed. We all have different boundaries. I don't think anyone has the same. </p><p></p><p>I can't say what to do or not but I decided long ago that I wasn't going to divorce husband for one of his most annoying tendencies because he was a wonderful friend,lover,partner and dad. I was going to live with it and not become a nag. He weighed on the pro side so much that his negatives didn't warrent my disdain. </p><p>Walking away shouldn't be the first step in repairing something that is good at it's basis. </p><p>Now my situation didn't have anything to do with trust so I don't know if one has anything to do with your situation. It was an light bulb moment in my newly married life that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. There is room for compromise or acceptance that this is the way he is. </p><p></p><p>No one really teaches us how to be a life partner. It's a lot of observing, trial and error and morphing into a couple. If the core is healthy, happy and well meaning then the outside can be worked on. </p><p></p><p>Believe me Janet I don't know what makes other relationships tick. I can only go from learning on my own. I did not have good role models but I looked at them and knew what not to do. I found my own way to love someone over the long term even when not always loveable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 22301, member: 3"] Janet, I wouldn't presume to know your relationship with boyfriend. I guess if I were in your shoes, I would weigh all the good he brings to your life and put it against the negative. He hasn't betrayed you as much as made you feel left out of a portion of his life. Weighing the good and the bad will probably give you an indication of which direction to go. I must say that all adults let down their spouse in some way or another over the course of a lifetime. It's a matter of degree. Feeling left out is a pretty powerful situation that brings up a lot of fears in most people. It's the same old "I'm not good enough" that starts with girls in Jr. High. At this point you are good enough and you can hold your own. It's a matter of trust,giving(his and yours), support and understanding that will see if you two are meshing for a lifetime or not. These issues of disappointment between what we expect and what he expects that will go on throughout a relationship. Some boundaries can't be crossed. We all have different boundaries. I don't think anyone has the same. I can't say what to do or not but I decided long ago that I wasn't going to divorce husband for one of his most annoying tendencies because he was a wonderful friend,lover,partner and dad. I was going to live with it and not become a nag. He weighed on the pro side so much that his negatives didn't warrent my disdain. Walking away shouldn't be the first step in repairing something that is good at it's basis. Now my situation didn't have anything to do with trust so I don't know if one has anything to do with your situation. It was an light bulb moment in my newly married life that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. There is room for compromise or acceptance that this is the way he is. No one really teaches us how to be a life partner. It's a lot of observing, trial and error and morphing into a couple. If the core is healthy, happy and well meaning then the outside can be worked on. Believe me Janet I don't know what makes other relationships tick. I can only go from learning on my own. I did not have good role models but I looked at them and knew what not to do. I found my own way to love someone over the long term even when not always loveable. [/QUOTE]
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