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emotional affairs
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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 22380" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Janet, much has been written on the subject of emotional affairs. People have different views and opinions. Personally, I do not like them because they rob relationships of intimacy that should be reserved for the SO only. These are affairs of the heart without the sex. They are intimate and sharing on every level other than the physical. They are detrimental to relationships and often lead to way more than just friendship.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand I have no problem with other sex friends. That is very different. I have no problem with husband dancing with other women from our group. No problem with him helping them with their coats or getting them a drink for the bar and such. </p><p>BUT there limits. While this is one issue you are facing there is another one that isn't quite as debatable. </p><p></p><p>Boundries are present in all friendships but I do think that for other sex friendships, where the friends are in committed relationships with other people, the boundries need to be a bit more rigid. You were uncomfortable with this woman's pull on your boyfriend. You were open and honest about it and you expected him to be the same.</p><p></p><p>As I see it this is not so much about your boyfriend having a female friend as it is about his maintaining a questionable relationship with another woman and lying about it to you...not once but twice. Then once confrounted with his lies he did not openly end the relationship. </p><p></p><p>He lied and now he expects you to trust what he says about cutting it off. It really isn't realistic. How will you know if you do not ever follow up? It is a dilemma.</p><p></p><p>Once trust is broken it is hard to regain. It is something that only time and repeated trustful acts can restore. </p><p></p><p>You have to decide what your deal breakers are. Deal brakers are different for every indivitual.</p><p></p><p>I think you refered me to this site a while back. Maybe you need to take a look again? </p><p></p><p>Marriagebuilders.com</p><p></p><p>There is a questionaire there that things like:</p><p>What are your emotional needs? Are they being met? Can you accept it if they are not? What are your deal breakers?</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are hurting. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 22380, member: 2315"] Janet, much has been written on the subject of emotional affairs. People have different views and opinions. Personally, I do not like them because they rob relationships of intimacy that should be reserved for the SO only. These are affairs of the heart without the sex. They are intimate and sharing on every level other than the physical. They are detrimental to relationships and often lead to way more than just friendship. On the other hand I have no problem with other sex friends. That is very different. I have no problem with husband dancing with other women from our group. No problem with him helping them with their coats or getting them a drink for the bar and such. BUT there limits. While this is one issue you are facing there is another one that isn't quite as debatable. Boundries are present in all friendships but I do think that for other sex friendships, where the friends are in committed relationships with other people, the boundries need to be a bit more rigid. You were uncomfortable with this woman's pull on your boyfriend. You were open and honest about it and you expected him to be the same. As I see it this is not so much about your boyfriend having a female friend as it is about his maintaining a questionable relationship with another woman and lying about it to you...not once but twice. Then once confrounted with his lies he did not openly end the relationship. He lied and now he expects you to trust what he says about cutting it off. It really isn't realistic. How will you know if you do not ever follow up? It is a dilemma. Once trust is broken it is hard to regain. It is something that only time and repeated trustful acts can restore. You have to decide what your deal breakers are. Deal brakers are different for every indivitual. I think you refered me to this site a while back. Maybe you need to take a look again? Marriagebuilders.com There is a questionaire there that things like: What are your emotional needs? Are they being met? Can you accept it if they are not? What are your deal breakers? I am so sorry you are hurting. -RM [/QUOTE]
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