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Empty Nest and Jealous Children
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 351083" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>This is part of what Youngest is feeling, I think, and what she expresses to others. But, her perspective is a bit skewed. </p><p></p><p>I do want to be there for her, and for my grandchildren. The caveat is, "within reason." I don't mind helping her when she's sick, and will help when the new baby is born. I definitely want to go to Aidan's soccer games when he starts those, and school plays, etc. etc. I love being part of his birthday parties. The thing is, Youngest is very, very, very, VERY, needy. So, she might call me when she's sick, but she might not be THAT sick, she just "wants her mom." Or, she might just be afraid to be alone. So, even though I do things for her, and my grandson, it's frequently "never enough" in her eyes. </p><p></p><p>Youngest felt slighted growing up, because she felt I wasn't "there" for her then.. and the truth is, much of the time, I wasn't. Oldest was very sick with Crohn's Disease, in and out of the hospital and frequent ER visits. Add to that Oldest's frequent rages, and Youngest definitely got the short end of the stick. I was (still am) a single mom, with no family nearby. </p><p></p><p>Thing is, I can't change any of that. It's done. She's an adult now. I can't suddenly mother her the way she wanted to be mothered all those years ago. I've enabled her enough through my own guilt, for a long time now, and it's a process trying to "cut the cord" so to speak. I've come a long way, but there are lingering issues with her. Her issues, not mine, now. </p><p></p><p>Also, I am tired. Raising two difficult children by myself was exhausting. Dealing with them still is at times. I want to enjoy being a grandmother and as someone said above, not being a babysitter, but enjoying my grandchildren when I want to enjoy them. I am finally living the life I deserve, on my terms. I don't want to be "needed" any more.. not in the need-me-so-much-you-hoover-the-life-out-of-me way. Plus it is just me, if I take my grandson for the day there's no one else to help me ... and honestly I find that overwhelming at times (and wonder, how did I raise two by myself when one 3 year old wears me out after 2-3 hours?! The answer is, of course, I'm now 48, not 28 <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" />) </p><p></p><p>Anyway .. thanks for the input. It's one of those situations where, I know I'm right, but I find myself wanting validation from other grandmothers. I'm working hard on maintaining the balance and figuring out the "new roles" Youngest and I have as grandmother/mother/daughter. I just wish she would do the same... sigh.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 351083, member: 1157"] This is part of what Youngest is feeling, I think, and what she expresses to others. But, her perspective is a bit skewed. I do want to be there for her, and for my grandchildren. The caveat is, "within reason." I don't mind helping her when she's sick, and will help when the new baby is born. I definitely want to go to Aidan's soccer games when he starts those, and school plays, etc. etc. I love being part of his birthday parties. The thing is, Youngest is very, very, very, VERY, needy. So, she might call me when she's sick, but she might not be THAT sick, she just "wants her mom." Or, she might just be afraid to be alone. So, even though I do things for her, and my grandson, it's frequently "never enough" in her eyes. Youngest felt slighted growing up, because she felt I wasn't "there" for her then.. and the truth is, much of the time, I wasn't. Oldest was very sick with Crohn's Disease, in and out of the hospital and frequent ER visits. Add to that Oldest's frequent rages, and Youngest definitely got the short end of the stick. I was (still am) a single mom, with no family nearby. Thing is, I can't change any of that. It's done. She's an adult now. I can't suddenly mother her the way she wanted to be mothered all those years ago. I've enabled her enough through my own guilt, for a long time now, and it's a process trying to "cut the cord" so to speak. I've come a long way, but there are lingering issues with her. Her issues, not mine, now. Also, I am tired. Raising two difficult children by myself was exhausting. Dealing with them still is at times. I want to enjoy being a grandmother and as someone said above, not being a babysitter, but enjoying my grandchildren when I want to enjoy them. I am finally living the life I deserve, on my terms. I don't want to be "needed" any more.. not in the need-me-so-much-you-hoover-the-life-out-of-me way. Plus it is just me, if I take my grandson for the day there's no one else to help me ... and honestly I find that overwhelming at times (and wonder, how did I raise two by myself when one 3 year old wears me out after 2-3 hours?! The answer is, of course, I'm now 48, not 28 :-P) Anyway .. thanks for the input. It's one of those situations where, I know I'm right, but I find myself wanting validation from other grandmothers. I'm working hard on maintaining the balance and figuring out the "new roles" Youngest and I have as grandmother/mother/daughter. I just wish she would do the same... sigh. [/QUOTE]
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