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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752052" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have a few thoughts on this exchange.</p><p></p><p>One way to look at it is this: His addiction is getting "something" from you. And your addiction is complying... The thing that he gets (and you give) is neither here nor there. The result you seek is to not give out the "thing" whatever it is. To break the association he has that his bad behavior towards you can elicit a certain result. This process is called "extinguishing" a behavior. But in reality, you are not responsible nor do you have control over whether or not he is abusive. You only need to not be his target.</p><p></p><p>When you start evaluating whether or not what he says is "true" or whether or not what he wants will "help him" down the road, you have lost focus. Whether or not this "thing" will work in his life, whether or not he speaks truth or not, is not the issue. At least, they are NOT your issues. They are his. To focus upon his behavior, his life, takes over responsibility for him. How is this your business?</p><p></p><p>All you have responsibility for is you. You are working hard to get out of this cycle of abuse. Which to me is the real issue.</p><p></p><p>Every.single.interaction involving this son is abusive. And yet you continue to communicate with him.</p><p></p><p>There are mechanisms to block texts, emails, phone calls, and visits. Do you understand that you control whether or not his abusive communications enter your space? That by not blocking him, you have made a decision to permit this? Is YOUR addiction <em><u>receiving abuse from him</u></em>? Or not stopping abuse? Is this really what this is about?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752052, member: 18958"] I have a few thoughts on this exchange. One way to look at it is this: His addiction is getting "something" from you. And your addiction is complying... The thing that he gets (and you give) is neither here nor there. The result you seek is to not give out the "thing" whatever it is. To break the association he has that his bad behavior towards you can elicit a certain result. This process is called "extinguishing" a behavior. But in reality, you are not responsible nor do you have control over whether or not he is abusive. You only need to not be his target. When you start evaluating whether or not what he says is "true" or whether or not what he wants will "help him" down the road, you have lost focus. Whether or not this "thing" will work in his life, whether or not he speaks truth or not, is not the issue. At least, they are NOT your issues. They are his. To focus upon his behavior, his life, takes over responsibility for him. How is this your business? All you have responsibility for is you. You are working hard to get out of this cycle of abuse. Which to me is the real issue. Every.single.interaction involving this son is abusive. And yet you continue to communicate with him. There are mechanisms to block texts, emails, phone calls, and visits. Do you understand that you control whether or not his abusive communications enter your space? That by not blocking him, you have made a decision to permit this? Is YOUR addiction [I][U]receiving abuse from him[/U][/I]? Or not stopping abuse? Is this really what this is about? [/QUOTE]
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