Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
end of my rope
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 384791" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>Being on the same page helps if you are going in the right direction. When we use CPS - collaborative problem solving you can help her put her concerns on the table and yours and brainstorm together . I doubt whether you can help your son without him feeling connected to someone , feels understood and is working not just to stay out of trouble , not getting caught etc but trying to make a life for himself. In the home parents don't have the structure and tools of control to make it a safe environment when your child is being violent and steeling.</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion your step is to check out the financial obligations of juvie , what happens if you don't have the money , also the possibility of I think it is called CHINS - giving him over to the state for their care. </p><p></p><p>Just a word about your wife's reaction to difficult child with girlfriend. It was understandable , but it triggered off much worse behavior . We can't solve problems and get the kid to see our perspective by reacting. Also some problems will have to wait , while we deal with others. The way to solve problems is for the kid to feels that his concerns are being met and addressed which will help him take your perspectives. </p><p></p><p>You would need a family therapist for this. </p><p></p><p>The only advice I see in your situation , is to tell your son that you are unable to raise him and every one is sinking and that his only hope of getting help is with the state. This will actually save your relationship with him. </p><p></p><p>If he wants another chance , it would mean having different friends , maybe relocating , working with mentors , buddy-tutors , acquiring the skills he lacks , being emotionally empowered , developing more meaningful relationships , learning to problem solve in a collaborative way </p><p></p><p>Enabling a kid when he is not trying to help himself is destructive , getting help from the PO to make him more compliant or fear the consequences does not teach self control or commitment to values. For most kids , it is game - cat and mouse etc , no real commitment to inner change </p><p></p><p>When a kid is trying to collaborate and solve problems , we see infractions as mistakes , part of the learning process , part of building a relationship of mutual trust and help so I would not report to the PO but try and problem solve - when the kid is not interested and we have made efforts to reach him , let outsiders , the law deal with his infractions.</p><p></p><p>Not easy </p><p></p><p><a href="http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/children-do-well-if-they-can.html" target="_blank">http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/children-do-well-if-they-can.html</a></p><p><a href="http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/08/cps-videos.html" target="_blank">http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/08/cps-videos.html</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 384791, member: 10"] Hi, Being on the same page helps if you are going in the right direction. When we use CPS - collaborative problem solving you can help her put her concerns on the table and yours and brainstorm together . I doubt whether you can help your son without him feeling connected to someone , feels understood and is working not just to stay out of trouble , not getting caught etc but trying to make a life for himself. In the home parents don't have the structure and tools of control to make it a safe environment when your child is being violent and steeling. in my humble opinion your step is to check out the financial obligations of juvie , what happens if you don't have the money , also the possibility of I think it is called CHINS - giving him over to the state for their care. Just a word about your wife's reaction to difficult child with girlfriend. It was understandable , but it triggered off much worse behavior . We can't solve problems and get the kid to see our perspective by reacting. Also some problems will have to wait , while we deal with others. The way to solve problems is for the kid to feels that his concerns are being met and addressed which will help him take your perspectives. You would need a family therapist for this. The only advice I see in your situation , is to tell your son that you are unable to raise him and every one is sinking and that his only hope of getting help is with the state. This will actually save your relationship with him. If he wants another chance , it would mean having different friends , maybe relocating , working with mentors , buddy-tutors , acquiring the skills he lacks , being emotionally empowered , developing more meaningful relationships , learning to problem solve in a collaborative way Enabling a kid when he is not trying to help himself is destructive , getting help from the PO to make him more compliant or fear the consequences does not teach self control or commitment to values. For most kids , it is game - cat and mouse etc , no real commitment to inner change When a kid is trying to collaborate and solve problems , we see infractions as mistakes , part of the learning process , part of building a relationship of mutual trust and help so I would not report to the PO but try and problem solve - when the kid is not interested and we have made efforts to reach him , let outsiders , the law deal with his infractions. Not easy [url]http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/07/children-do-well-if-they-can.html[/url] [url]http://allankatz-parentingislearning.blogspot.com/2010/08/cps-videos.html[/url] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
end of my rope
Top