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Substance Abuse
end of my rope
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 385611" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>My ds now 19 is an ex difficult child , doing very well , maturing etc. A bright kid which was both a plus , but also a minus for him. What helped us was the fact that his friends were kids with values , pcs etc , so I never had the problem of negative peer influence. I can't emphasize how crucial positive peer influences are - you can offer the best treatment but that goes to the wind when the kid gets back with his friends. What helped a lot was a mentor , somebody he studied with and would confide in . To this day there is some one in his life , a young adult with whom he consults , chats etc - when the relationship is more democratic they open up more . With implosive kids , not the explosive types , the ones that shut down it is more difficult to get talking. The truth is as Dr Greene says that many kids just don't have the skills to have a conversation, take perspectives , empathize, articulate their own concerns or feelings . In the past their concerns have been ignored or they have not got the skills to articulate them in appropriate ways. The best place to start is just general chatting on non-emotive stuff , something that difficult child has an interest in or can identify with or consult him on a dilemna we might have .</p><p></p><p>In the main the change came when he was able to trust his teachers , that they were not interested in punishing him , but helping him come up with a better plan , improve the relationship and inspire him.</p><p></p><p>Not easy</p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 385611, member: 10"] Hi, My ds now 19 is an ex difficult child , doing very well , maturing etc. A bright kid which was both a plus , but also a minus for him. What helped us was the fact that his friends were kids with values , pcs etc , so I never had the problem of negative peer influence. I can't emphasize how crucial positive peer influences are - you can offer the best treatment but that goes to the wind when the kid gets back with his friends. What helped a lot was a mentor , somebody he studied with and would confide in . To this day there is some one in his life , a young adult with whom he consults , chats etc - when the relationship is more democratic they open up more . With implosive kids , not the explosive types , the ones that shut down it is more difficult to get talking. The truth is as Dr Greene says that many kids just don't have the skills to have a conversation, take perspectives , empathize, articulate their own concerns or feelings . In the past their concerns have been ignored or they have not got the skills to articulate them in appropriate ways. The best place to start is just general chatting on non-emotive stuff , something that difficult child has an interest in or can identify with or consult him on a dilemna we might have . In the main the change came when he was able to trust his teachers , that they were not interested in punishing him , but helping him come up with a better plan , improve the relationship and inspire him. Not easy Allan [/QUOTE]
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