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Parent Emeritus
Enough pain, lies and hurt - the boy needs to go.
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 643586" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>I agree and I do not thing you ever get over it, you just learn, for your own mental and emotional health to move forward, leaving them and all their "stuff" behind you. You will never get over loving your child, having deep attached feelings for them. It just becomes a situation of literately it is you or them. Staying involved with someone who is mentally ill, or personality disordered is one of the saddest things in the world for a parent because chances are marginal at best of you ever having any kind of true back and forth loving relationship with them ever again. </p><p>I think, when we talk about DNA disorder, we somehow feel like we must now carry on our shoulders that it is our fault (DNA) or our DNA that brought this on our children. In the fog of self-blame we forget that the DNA could be that of a far off relative, or even closer to home, your parents and this disordered personality gene fortunately missed you. It had to because we don't act the way they do nor do we love (or not love as the case may be) the way they do. Also in our self-blame game we forget that because either we came from dysfunction, low self esteem or simply fell for a charming disordered person, we may have made mistakes in choosing (or overlooked) the shared DNA of our difficult child. Does any of this, that which we can not control, condemn us to a life of being treated poorly by the disordered person <em>because </em>we simply love them? I don't think it does, what I do think is that, depending on what they do, continue to do, or are unable to control how they treat us in a respectful way, after we know and accept deep in our own hearts, we have a responsibility to ourselves first. We owe it to ourselves to let go and let God for them but also for a chance at a happier life for our-self. Ironically for most of us we, before we can bare to "end it" we will allow them to treat us worse than we would ever allow them to treat others. We think for some reason, our own happiness doesn't count for much because we bore and raised these difficult child's. </p><p>Once you are able to step back and see that it is not you that is abandoning your child, but that there is something wrong with your child, whatever it is, that does not allow them to communicate with <em>anyone beyond their needs, their wants, (that something likely beyond your control) </em>that you have to start the long, lonely, emotional and painful walk of walking to re-gain your happiness, your joy. To consider that you may be able to have a life for yourself that extends beyond the role of mother/father and for whatever the reason, undeserving of bad treatment, takes time - but it does come to a point in time that ultimately what is in each animal, even the human ones, the will to survive.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 643586, member: 18366"] I agree and I do not thing you ever get over it, you just learn, for your own mental and emotional health to move forward, leaving them and all their "stuff" behind you. You will never get over loving your child, having deep attached feelings for them. It just becomes a situation of literately it is you or them. Staying involved with someone who is mentally ill, or personality disordered is one of the saddest things in the world for a parent because chances are marginal at best of you ever having any kind of true back and forth loving relationship with them ever again. I think, when we talk about DNA disorder, we somehow feel like we must now carry on our shoulders that it is our fault (DNA) or our DNA that brought this on our children. In the fog of self-blame we forget that the DNA could be that of a far off relative, or even closer to home, your parents and this disordered personality gene fortunately missed you. It had to because we don't act the way they do nor do we love (or not love as the case may be) the way they do. Also in our self-blame game we forget that because either we came from dysfunction, low self esteem or simply fell for a charming disordered person, we may have made mistakes in choosing (or overlooked) the shared DNA of our difficult child. Does any of this, that which we can not control, condemn us to a life of being treated poorly by the disordered person [I]because [/I]we simply love them? I don't think it does, what I do think is that, depending on what they do, continue to do, or are unable to control how they treat us in a respectful way, after we know and accept deep in our own hearts, we have a responsibility to ourselves first. We owe it to ourselves to let go and let God for them but also for a chance at a happier life for our-self. Ironically for most of us we, before we can bare to "end it" we will allow them to treat us worse than we would ever allow them to treat others. We think for some reason, our own happiness doesn't count for much because we bore and raised these difficult child's. Once you are able to step back and see that it is not you that is abandoning your child, but that there is something wrong with your child, whatever it is, that does not allow them to communicate with [I]anyone beyond their needs, their wants, (that something likely beyond your control) [/I]that you have to start the long, lonely, emotional and painful walk of walking to re-gain your happiness, your joy. To consider that you may be able to have a life for yourself that extends beyond the role of mother/father and for whatever the reason, undeserving of bad treatment, takes time - but it does come to a point in time that ultimately what is in each animal, even the human ones, the will to survive. [/QUOTE]
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Enough pain, lies and hurt - the boy needs to go.
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