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<blockquote data-quote="Ngaire K" data-source="post: 36274" data-attributes="member: 3655"><p>Thank you so much to all your kind replys. I dont feel so alone with it now either :smile: or bad about my parneting, I know I have been a good Mum to him, its up to him now where he goes from here.</p><p>You have no idea you how much you have helped me to cope and deal with this. I have been dealing with extra grief because of my relationship breaking up too (it only happened 5 days ago, in the middle of this hell).. not so much because I miss my partner, cause there wasnt a lot of support for me in my relationship.. but more because THIS is all I have left :*( Dealing with this child from hell.</p><p>But I also realise it frees me up to be with someone more caring and supportive eventually. </p><p>It's not a good sign when strangers can support you more then your own partner does, it was time to get out, so I have no regrets. Never again will I end up with soneone who isnt capable of supporting me, lesson learned.</p><p> </p><p>Things have gotten better with my son though, he spent nearly 24 hours in jail and came out a much deflated version of himself, which he needed! Amazing what a bit of pepper spray will do in showing someone they arent invincible, and jail and court to show that he is accountable for his actions. He isnt all better, but enough for now. </p><p>I had some time to calm, to reground while he was in jail. CYFs couldnt place him anywhere, even though they tried. I decided I wasn't ready to give up on him yet, had some more I could try. I also have read a book I had that I hadn't gotten around to reading called "GET OUT OF MY LIFE, but first take me and Alex into town - a parents guide to the new teenager" by Tony Wolf & Suzanne Franks. I highly recommend it, it talks about how its differnt this generation becasue they have been given so much more power as children in this age, that as teens they want even more, hence the no respect, and how to handle that. I have learnt some great strategies that are working. </p><p>I'm thinking of giving it to my father to read, cause he is really ANGRY about what my son is doing, and expressing it very loudly to me, which is NOT helping me!! </p><p>He is off to court tommorrow, I decided not to go with him because I DONT support what he did to me, so it is hard to sit in court to support him. He wasnt thinking of me when he did it, so natural consequences are that I wont support him. But as his Mum, my heart breaks for him. I know he has to GET this though, and my instincts say that this is the way.</p><p>Had some good news too.. I had lots of police people and the phsyciatrist they brought into assess him tell me what a great kid he was (I was shocked, he was in JAIL for what he did!) and that he would come thru all right. He doesnt have asperges (one less thing to cope with!) and he has agreed to go to counselling, yay! They are organising that too. The P said he doesnt have mental problems, just behavoural problems which he will probably grow out of, the danger is his size and strength and when he gets angry, he knows how big he is and has too much power.</p><p>Hes back to my loving son again (for now!), pleased to be back home with his family and not wanting to leave again in a hurray, though he is anxious about court tommorow of course. Lessons again.</p><p>Hes such a contradiction, is all snuggly to me now!</p><p>Thanks again :smile:</p><p>Ngaire</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ngaire K, post: 36274, member: 3655"] Thank you so much to all your kind replys. I dont feel so alone with it now either [img]:smile:[/img] or bad about my parneting, I know I have been a good Mum to him, its up to him now where he goes from here. You have no idea you how much you have helped me to cope and deal with this. I have been dealing with extra grief because of my relationship breaking up too (it only happened 5 days ago, in the middle of this hell).. not so much because I miss my partner, cause there wasnt a lot of support for me in my relationship.. but more because THIS is all I have left :*( Dealing with this child from hell. But I also realise it frees me up to be with someone more caring and supportive eventually. It's not a good sign when strangers can support you more then your own partner does, it was time to get out, so I have no regrets. Never again will I end up with soneone who isnt capable of supporting me, lesson learned. Things have gotten better with my son though, he spent nearly 24 hours in jail and came out a much deflated version of himself, which he needed! Amazing what a bit of pepper spray will do in showing someone they arent invincible, and jail and court to show that he is accountable for his actions. He isnt all better, but enough for now. I had some time to calm, to reground while he was in jail. CYFs couldnt place him anywhere, even though they tried. I decided I wasn't ready to give up on him yet, had some more I could try. I also have read a book I had that I hadn't gotten around to reading called "GET OUT OF MY LIFE, but first take me and Alex into town - a parents guide to the new teenager" by Tony Wolf & Suzanne Franks. I highly recommend it, it talks about how its differnt this generation becasue they have been given so much more power as children in this age, that as teens they want even more, hence the no respect, and how to handle that. I have learnt some great strategies that are working. I'm thinking of giving it to my father to read, cause he is really ANGRY about what my son is doing, and expressing it very loudly to me, which is NOT helping me!! He is off to court tommorrow, I decided not to go with him because I DONT support what he did to me, so it is hard to sit in court to support him. He wasnt thinking of me when he did it, so natural consequences are that I wont support him. But as his Mum, my heart breaks for him. I know he has to GET this though, and my instincts say that this is the way. Had some good news too.. I had lots of police people and the phsyciatrist they brought into assess him tell me what a great kid he was (I was shocked, he was in JAIL for what he did!) and that he would come thru all right. He doesnt have asperges (one less thing to cope with!) and he has agreed to go to counselling, yay! They are organising that too. The P said he doesnt have mental problems, just behavoural problems which he will probably grow out of, the danger is his size and strength and when he gets angry, he knows how big he is and has too much power. Hes back to my loving son again (for now!), pleased to be back home with his family and not wanting to leave again in a hurray, though he is anxious about court tommorow of course. Lessons again. Hes such a contradiction, is all snuggly to me now! Thanks again [img]:smile:[/img] Ngaire [/QUOTE]
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