Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Estranged difficult child and grandchild
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 577817" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Hi and welcome!</p><p></p><p>I don't have experience or even much advice so just wanting to offer sympathy. I don't even have grandkids yet, thank goodness. It has to be very hard to be cut off from your child's and grandchild's lives. </p><p></p><p>Your situation is very difficult. While you certainly did a right thing when you called the police, it is also easy to see why your son would see that as an ultimate betrayal (after all, he could have lost his child and from his point of view, if he is immature difficult child I assume he is, it would have because you called a police, not so much because of his actions.) Cutting contact after that could be expected. But still, you did the right thing.</p><p></p><p>A cynic in me would like to say, that they will come around when they need your support next time. But I understand that it doesn't make you feel any better.</p><p></p><p>I'm not from North America and grandparents rights don't exist at all there I live, so I don't have any knowledge about that. But before pursuing legal action, do consider that that action would likely firmly cement you to 'enemy camp' for your difficult child and his SO. So before taking an action on that, it could be worthwhile to try to pursue a relationship through your grandchild's mother. Being a cynic again, relationships like your son's don't usually last. And after they break up, the child will likely stay with mother. The mother doesn't have a complex emotional package with you like your son does and she is more likely to be open with contact with you, if she just sees you as an asset. </p><p></p><p>I know that can sound cold hearted and none of us would like to 'buy' a presence of our grandchildren with financial, practical or emotional support, but that may still be the most convenient way. Let's face it, I don't like my mother in law at all and she is mean to me and even to other of my kids at time. If she wasn't such a help in practical level, I would long time ago cut the contact and let my husband keep contact as he wishes and arrange the kids have contact. Shoot, I may had even tried to denied a contact with my other child. But because she, aside of being a PITA, has helped us keep our wheels running all these years, I do play nice and try to appreciate her good qualities.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry how hurtful it has to feel to have the kind of relationship with your son, you are having. It doesn't help that given the circumstances it makes sense. That kind of coming closer, pushing away type of behaviour from him does make sense from attachment point of view. But for you it has to be devastating. And let's face, also for him. I don't know if there is any other way out of that cycle but him to mature and work his issues. And that is something you can not make him do. How well does he function otherwise? Is he able to hold a job etc.? Is there substance abuse issues? Is he able to keep other relationships going on (long term friends etc.)?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 577817, member: 14557"] Hi and welcome! I don't have experience or even much advice so just wanting to offer sympathy. I don't even have grandkids yet, thank goodness. It has to be very hard to be cut off from your child's and grandchild's lives. Your situation is very difficult. While you certainly did a right thing when you called the police, it is also easy to see why your son would see that as an ultimate betrayal (after all, he could have lost his child and from his point of view, if he is immature difficult child I assume he is, it would have because you called a police, not so much because of his actions.) Cutting contact after that could be expected. But still, you did the right thing. A cynic in me would like to say, that they will come around when they need your support next time. But I understand that it doesn't make you feel any better. I'm not from North America and grandparents rights don't exist at all there I live, so I don't have any knowledge about that. But before pursuing legal action, do consider that that action would likely firmly cement you to 'enemy camp' for your difficult child and his SO. So before taking an action on that, it could be worthwhile to try to pursue a relationship through your grandchild's mother. Being a cynic again, relationships like your son's don't usually last. And after they break up, the child will likely stay with mother. The mother doesn't have a complex emotional package with you like your son does and she is more likely to be open with contact with you, if she just sees you as an asset. I know that can sound cold hearted and none of us would like to 'buy' a presence of our grandchildren with financial, practical or emotional support, but that may still be the most convenient way. Let's face it, I don't like my mother in law at all and she is mean to me and even to other of my kids at time. If she wasn't such a help in practical level, I would long time ago cut the contact and let my husband keep contact as he wishes and arrange the kids have contact. Shoot, I may had even tried to denied a contact with my other child. But because she, aside of being a PITA, has helped us keep our wheels running all these years, I do play nice and try to appreciate her good qualities. I'm sorry how hurtful it has to feel to have the kind of relationship with your son, you are having. It doesn't help that given the circumstances it makes sense. That kind of coming closer, pushing away type of behaviour from him does make sense from attachment point of view. But for you it has to be devastating. And let's face, also for him. I don't know if there is any other way out of that cycle but him to mature and work his issues. And that is something you can not make him do. How well does he function otherwise? Is he able to hold a job etc.? Is there substance abuse issues? Is he able to keep other relationships going on (long term friends etc.)? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Estranged difficult child and grandchild
Top