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Estranged difficult child and grandchild
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 577859" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>SH, good morning and welcome. I'm sorry you are going through all of this with your difficult child and your granddaughter.</p><p> </p><p>First of all, so we can easily identify you and remember your stats, it's helpful to put a signature at the bottom of your posts, like we all have, which you can access by clicking on the settings button on the upper right hand corner.</p><p></p><p>I am a grandmother too, so I can feel your heartache from a personal point of view. I went to court and won guardianship for my granddaughter. Here in CA. there is a wonderful organization called Grandparents parenting again which assisted me in writing up the court papers. There are so many grandparents raising their grandchildren, it's almost epidemic, there is likely an attorney you can find who can give you some advice about how to go about getting your rights, you do have rights as grandparents. </p><p></p><p>This stuff is very hard on relationships, you might consider therapy for you<strong> and </strong>your husband, so you two can get on the same page and stand united. That would be a positive and healthy step for you to gain back your connection with each other. </p><p></p><p>When I began the process with my granddaughter I knew nothing, I researched a lot of it online. Do searches asking exactly what you want to know, find organizations in your area which will provide guidance for you. Even CPS (child protective services) may help you. What I did was to get as much information as I could, find out exactly what your rights as grandparents are, what you have to do to enforce those rights. As time goes by, you may indeed be put in a position to protect that child from an abusive father and a mother who won't protect her daughter against the babies father. You might want to gather the information now to find out how you go about gaining guardianship down the road if that is in your plan. You need information about your rights. If you have the resources, hire an attorney who specializes in this. If you don't have the resources, start researching yourself. Ask your therapist if she/he knows someone you can talk to about your rights. </p><p></p><p>I had an extremely close relationship with my granddaughter from her birth on. When her mothers' (my daughter) life blew up and she couldn't put it back together, I realized my granddaughter was no longer safe. I took her, got CPS involved, immediately went to court and got a temporary guardianship (you have to prove the child is in IMMEDIATE danger to get temporary guardianship) and once I got that I petitioned the court for permanent guardianship. I did that all without an attorney, I did it all myself. Within 5 months I had permanent guardianship. I had a Social Worker from CPS help me. I had that grandparenting organization help me, I did enormous research, I read books, I called an attorney who was connected with CPS and family services and she allowed me to pick her brain. I found resources all over the place by my sheer force of will and my determination to help my granddaughter. You can do all of that too. Step by step. Get the facts first, then move forward. </p><p></p><p>You're in a crummy situation and I know it feels powerless, but you aren't powerless. Get information. That will help you decide what your next step is. I'm sorry you're in this. Take good care of yourself too. Find ways to nurture your relationship with your husband. Make a plan with your husband as to exactly what you are BOTH willing to do about your granddaughter. That's an important step, if you are at odds about that now, that crevice between you will later turn into a huge valley you won't be able to traverse anymore. Many gentle hugs to you. I wish you a smooth ride.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 577859, member: 13542"] SH, good morning and welcome. I'm sorry you are going through all of this with your difficult child and your granddaughter. First of all, so we can easily identify you and remember your stats, it's helpful to put a signature at the bottom of your posts, like we all have, which you can access by clicking on the settings button on the upper right hand corner. I am a grandmother too, so I can feel your heartache from a personal point of view. I went to court and won guardianship for my granddaughter. Here in CA. there is a wonderful organization called Grandparents parenting again which assisted me in writing up the court papers. There are so many grandparents raising their grandchildren, it's almost epidemic, there is likely an attorney you can find who can give you some advice about how to go about getting your rights, you do have rights as grandparents. This stuff is very hard on relationships, you might consider therapy for you[B] and [/B]your husband, so you two can get on the same page and stand united. That would be a positive and healthy step for you to gain back your connection with each other. When I began the process with my granddaughter I knew nothing, I researched a lot of it online. Do searches asking exactly what you want to know, find organizations in your area which will provide guidance for you. Even CPS (child protective services) may help you. What I did was to get as much information as I could, find out exactly what your rights as grandparents are, what you have to do to enforce those rights. As time goes by, you may indeed be put in a position to protect that child from an abusive father and a mother who won't protect her daughter against the babies father. You might want to gather the information now to find out how you go about gaining guardianship down the road if that is in your plan. You need information about your rights. If you have the resources, hire an attorney who specializes in this. If you don't have the resources, start researching yourself. Ask your therapist if she/he knows someone you can talk to about your rights. I had an extremely close relationship with my granddaughter from her birth on. When her mothers' (my daughter) life blew up and she couldn't put it back together, I realized my granddaughter was no longer safe. I took her, got CPS involved, immediately went to court and got a temporary guardianship (you have to prove the child is in IMMEDIATE danger to get temporary guardianship) and once I got that I petitioned the court for permanent guardianship. I did that all without an attorney, I did it all myself. Within 5 months I had permanent guardianship. I had a Social Worker from CPS help me. I had that grandparenting organization help me, I did enormous research, I read books, I called an attorney who was connected with CPS and family services and she allowed me to pick her brain. I found resources all over the place by my sheer force of will and my determination to help my granddaughter. You can do all of that too. Step by step. Get the facts first, then move forward. You're in a crummy situation and I know it feels powerless, but you aren't powerless. Get information. That will help you decide what your next step is. I'm sorry you're in this. Take good care of yourself too. Find ways to nurture your relationship with your husband. Make a plan with your husband as to exactly what you are BOTH willing to do about your granddaughter. That's an important step, if you are at odds about that now, that crevice between you will later turn into a huge valley you won't be able to traverse anymore. Many gentle hugs to you. I wish you a smooth ride. [/QUOTE]
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