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Estranged difficult child and grandchild
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 578112" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning SH, thanks for the update. I know that tired feeling all too well. My first thought upon reading your post is that this cycle will continue, your difficult child leaving and coming back, the abuse to the girlfriend, the baby in the middle, my understanding of these issues, the attachment disorder, the abuse cycle, all of it, is that it doesn't just end, it escalates. I think you are wise to continue your research into your rights, there may come a moment in time where you may need all of that information quickly. Even if all you do is make that call to CPS to protect the child. </p><p></p><p>I saw the handwriting on the wall for a long time, I recall those feelings of relief and let down vividly and it just kept getting worse. And, when that moment finally happened, as I knew it would, it was like a run-away train I couldn't get off of. As I said, it took about 5 months to get all the legalities worked out, but those 5 months were harrowing. My unsolicited advice to you is find out all you can right now, when things are relatively calm, talk to authorities, find out names of people you can call immediately, get the paperwork. Also, the usual scenario of abuse is that even if the police are called in, the victim will deny the abuse even as they stand there bleeding, so your son's girlfriend may not be counted on to relay the truth to the authorities even if the lid blows off at some point.</p><p></p><p>You may also want to learn detachment tools as well. At the bottom of my post is a good article on detachment. It's always your choice to get as involved as you really want to be. I am simply giving you suggestions based on my own experience so that if you do decide to go further with guardianship, or having visitation rights on a regular bases that are court ordered, you have all your ducks in order so it will be easier on you then if a crisis occurs and you end up in the middle of a huge drama.</p><p></p><p>I know from my own history just how it feels to be on the sidelines watching a child be in the middle of an extremely unhealthy living situation that in essence you're powerless to change. You raise a child who turns out to be a difficult child and then your child has an innocent child that they don't know how to parent and the child suffers. It's a heart ache of a whole new magnitude. I am so sorry you find yourself in the middle of all of this. Keep posting, I'm fairly certain there will be more 'installments' in your story, I hope they're good ones, but if not, we're here. Many gentle hugs to you.................</p><p></p><p>Edit: I just read Lisa's post to you, she is absolutely correct, document everything, get the authorities involved now. That is great advice!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 578112, member: 13542"] Good morning SH, thanks for the update. I know that tired feeling all too well. My first thought upon reading your post is that this cycle will continue, your difficult child leaving and coming back, the abuse to the girlfriend, the baby in the middle, my understanding of these issues, the attachment disorder, the abuse cycle, all of it, is that it doesn't just end, it escalates. I think you are wise to continue your research into your rights, there may come a moment in time where you may need all of that information quickly. Even if all you do is make that call to CPS to protect the child. I saw the handwriting on the wall for a long time, I recall those feelings of relief and let down vividly and it just kept getting worse. And, when that moment finally happened, as I knew it would, it was like a run-away train I couldn't get off of. As I said, it took about 5 months to get all the legalities worked out, but those 5 months were harrowing. My unsolicited advice to you is find out all you can right now, when things are relatively calm, talk to authorities, find out names of people you can call immediately, get the paperwork. Also, the usual scenario of abuse is that even if the police are called in, the victim will deny the abuse even as they stand there bleeding, so your son's girlfriend may not be counted on to relay the truth to the authorities even if the lid blows off at some point. You may also want to learn detachment tools as well. At the bottom of my post is a good article on detachment. It's always your choice to get as involved as you really want to be. I am simply giving you suggestions based on my own experience so that if you do decide to go further with guardianship, or having visitation rights on a regular bases that are court ordered, you have all your ducks in order so it will be easier on you then if a crisis occurs and you end up in the middle of a huge drama. I know from my own history just how it feels to be on the sidelines watching a child be in the middle of an extremely unhealthy living situation that in essence you're powerless to change. You raise a child who turns out to be a difficult child and then your child has an innocent child that they don't know how to parent and the child suffers. It's a heart ache of a whole new magnitude. I am so sorry you find yourself in the middle of all of this. Keep posting, I'm fairly certain there will be more 'installments' in your story, I hope they're good ones, but if not, we're here. Many gentle hugs to you................. Edit: I just read Lisa's post to you, she is absolutely correct, document everything, get the authorities involved now. That is great advice! [/QUOTE]
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