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Estranged difficult child and grandchild
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 578117" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I just woke up am a little fuzzy headed so exuse disjointed response. My husband and I have raised two grandsons (one 25 since birth and the other 22 for eight years) and we never involved the Courts or CPS. Our situation was a bit different as my daughter was a single Mom. It has been a long, winding, tricky road of walking on eggshells to avoid a legal confrontation. Grandparent rights allows limited visitation. We decided to aim for more intimate involvement in fear that our GS would be left with indescriminate babysitters etc. We did not have fears of abuse..just random neglect and lack of bonding.</p><p></p><p>It does not sound like you are in the position we were in but I'll share now so that you can store the info away in your head should the opportunity arise. The first thing I did was make sure that she had signed up for the WIC program and that it included well baby checks. (She had, of course, because she got "freebies", sigh.) The next thing we did was stifle all our negativity and take every single opportunity to be supportive, caring, nonthreatening, fun, etc. UGH! When the opportunity arose husband would casually say "if you need a break you know that we will take good care of <strong>your</strong> baby so you don't have to pay for a sitter or worry about the quality of care". husband (a very quiet man) was less threatening than I was so he was the point man when possible.</p><p></p><p>Because we never said or did anything judgemental or assertive she began to see the advantages to her. She could have freedom again. She could have the control. She could save money. Etc. Etc. After awhile we were no longer seen as the enemy. In fact we really weren't the enemy...we were advocates for the baby. We also reached out when we could by saying "we're having baked ham and macaroni and cheese" (choosing favorites of course) Sunday night. You're welcome to join us or..if you have other plans..you can pick up some to take home so it doesn't go to waste". </p><p></p><p>Those methods enabled us to "connect". Subsequently when it was time for daycare (so she could go to work) we volunteered to keep the baby so she could save money and/or pick up the baby so she wouldn't be rushed after work. This also saved her money and money was/is very important to her. Lastly once the idea was firmly in place that we were supporting her parenting, I suggested that it might be a good idea to have a Durable Power of Attorney drawn up so I could take the children for any medical care, sign school permission slips etc. so her work schedule wouldn't be messed with.</p><p></p><p>Once the DPA was drawn up and signed the children had full protection, I had legal empowerment to act on their behalf, it was apparent I was not trying to adopt HER children and husband and I exhaled. For us it was best not to be confrontational. I can't say the past 25 years have been a piece of cake. Understatement! I can say, however, that we have been able to oversee the safety of those two grandsons. It's cost us alot. We gave up our freedom, our retirement funds, our friends who lead "normal" lives. The price was high. There have been times when we wish we had just detached and prayed. I don't envy you but I wish you luck. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 578117, member: 35"] I just woke up am a little fuzzy headed so exuse disjointed response. My husband and I have raised two grandsons (one 25 since birth and the other 22 for eight years) and we never involved the Courts or CPS. Our situation was a bit different as my daughter was a single Mom. It has been a long, winding, tricky road of walking on eggshells to avoid a legal confrontation. Grandparent rights allows limited visitation. We decided to aim for more intimate involvement in fear that our GS would be left with indescriminate babysitters etc. We did not have fears of abuse..just random neglect and lack of bonding. It does not sound like you are in the position we were in but I'll share now so that you can store the info away in your head should the opportunity arise. The first thing I did was make sure that she had signed up for the WIC program and that it included well baby checks. (She had, of course, because she got "freebies", sigh.) The next thing we did was stifle all our negativity and take every single opportunity to be supportive, caring, nonthreatening, fun, etc. UGH! When the opportunity arose husband would casually say "if you need a break you know that we will take good care of [B]your[/B] baby so you don't have to pay for a sitter or worry about the quality of care". husband (a very quiet man) was less threatening than I was so he was the point man when possible. Because we never said or did anything judgemental or assertive she began to see the advantages to her. She could have freedom again. She could have the control. She could save money. Etc. Etc. After awhile we were no longer seen as the enemy. In fact we really weren't the enemy...we were advocates for the baby. We also reached out when we could by saying "we're having baked ham and macaroni and cheese" (choosing favorites of course) Sunday night. You're welcome to join us or..if you have other plans..you can pick up some to take home so it doesn't go to waste". Those methods enabled us to "connect". Subsequently when it was time for daycare (so she could go to work) we volunteered to keep the baby so she could save money and/or pick up the baby so she wouldn't be rushed after work. This also saved her money and money was/is very important to her. Lastly once the idea was firmly in place that we were supporting her parenting, I suggested that it might be a good idea to have a Durable Power of Attorney drawn up so I could take the children for any medical care, sign school permission slips etc. so her work schedule wouldn't be messed with. Once the DPA was drawn up and signed the children had full protection, I had legal empowerment to act on their behalf, it was apparent I was not trying to adopt HER children and husband and I exhaled. For us it was best not to be confrontational. I can't say the past 25 years have been a piece of cake. Understatement! I can say, however, that we have been able to oversee the safety of those two grandsons. It's cost us alot. We gave up our freedom, our retirement funds, our friends who lead "normal" lives. The price was high. There have been times when we wish we had just detached and prayed. I don't envy you but I wish you luck. DDD [/QUOTE]
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