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Evening guest - Sheriff! Oh boy!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 650126" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think you are doing great donedad. I know it's still hard, but keep moving forward.</p><p></p><p>Your wife will get it when she gets it...or she won't. I have learned to suggest things one time. After that, I'm trying to control the situation. </p><p></p><p>People are adults. They hear what we are saying. If they don't take our advice, it's either because they don't like/agree with what we said, they don't see the need right now or they can't hear us through the noise in their heads (timing). </p><p></p><p>I used to think (in my frenzy to control and fix and manage other people) that well, I guess they didn't understand what I said. So....I would say it again, in different words or louder or with more eye contact. Yeesh! What was I thinking? What arrogance I had.</p><p></p><p>I didn't see it at all, for a long, long time. I thought I was helping and I could see their problems clearer than they could.</p><p></p><p>Anyway....sigh....you know the drill. We have to unhook from them. We have to turn the bright light of change onto ourselves. The sooner we can do that, the better off everybody will be.</p><p></p><p>If your wife would sit and read this site for a couple of hours, that would give her a huge step forward on her own recovery. This site is one of my daily tools and has been for a year and a half.</p><p></p><p>When I read and write and listen, I can reinforce what I have already learned and I learn new things, new ways of thinking and behaving. </p><p></p><p>Our grown kids have a right to their own lives, their own mistakes, their own learning from those mistakes. I know other, innocent people are involved, like babies, small children, older children...and us. If we continually interrupt the cycle of learning, we rob them of the chance to learn, grow and change. </p><p></p><p>I realize the child adds another huge factor, but it appears that you have taken those necessary precautions. What else, really, can you do right now, except wear that t-shirt proudly, enjoy this Friday (TGIF!), do something nice for yourself and your wife, and let it be?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 650126, member: 17542"] I think you are doing great donedad. I know it's still hard, but keep moving forward. Your wife will get it when she gets it...or she won't. I have learned to suggest things one time. After that, I'm trying to control the situation. People are adults. They hear what we are saying. If they don't take our advice, it's either because they don't like/agree with what we said, they don't see the need right now or they can't hear us through the noise in their heads (timing). I used to think (in my frenzy to control and fix and manage other people) that well, I guess they didn't understand what I said. So....I would say it again, in different words or louder or with more eye contact. Yeesh! What was I thinking? What arrogance I had. I didn't see it at all, for a long, long time. I thought I was helping and I could see their problems clearer than they could. Anyway....sigh....you know the drill. We have to unhook from them. We have to turn the bright light of change onto ourselves. The sooner we can do that, the better off everybody will be. If your wife would sit and read this site for a couple of hours, that would give her a huge step forward on her own recovery. This site is one of my daily tools and has been for a year and a half. When I read and write and listen, I can reinforce what I have already learned and I learn new things, new ways of thinking and behaving. Our grown kids have a right to their own lives, their own mistakes, their own learning from those mistakes. I know other, innocent people are involved, like babies, small children, older children...and us. If we continually interrupt the cycle of learning, we rob them of the chance to learn, grow and change. I realize the child adds another huge factor, but it appears that you have taken those necessary precautions. What else, really, can you do right now, except wear that t-shirt proudly, enjoy this Friday (TGIF!), do something nice for yourself and your wife, and let it be? [/QUOTE]
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