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Substance Abuse
Every chance he gets...he uses
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 609091" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I'm so sorry LMS <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Your difficult child is so mule headed but also willfully using in the face of great loss he has caused himself. I too have wondered when his wife will have enough and take the step to break the tie. Husband or not, he is not in a place to be a husband, nor frankly a healthy father. Do I believe it's in him? Of course. I don't see that he's capable right now, nor for a long time now. I do hope he gets much needed help however it may take some jarring lessons in life and more loss for him to hit that proverbial bottom.</p><p></p><p>You well know the 10 year history with my (now ex) S/O. All of those many sober years and he blew it all and I had to stand my ground (Which I will NEVER regret, not for a second) and end things. I didn't do it half butted either, I did it with an all or nothing approach. For me it was the E-N-D. Well in the months since, he has spiraled downward further and I do not know who that man is, surely not the man I spent a decade of my life with. I'm glad he's gone, I must say! He lost his new job here in this new town we all moved to FOR him and his work. First job he has ever been fired from. Due to his drinking too, which makes it even sadder. He then, after months respecting my demand that we have zero contact, he got rip roaring drunk mid week and in a drunk stupor, took his mothers car keys at dinner time and headed to MY new apartment to get into my face (Guessing his plan was that, or begging me, either way, not okay!) and ended up crashing his mothers car into a truck as he plowed past a stop sign into traffic. Her car is a complete write off and I am merely grateful he didn't hurt anyone! He then finagled my new unlisted number from the one relative of his that I stayed in touch with (I was very hurt that she would give out my number, and it turns out give out personal info as well!) and I had a call from him. I was livid. I made it plainly clear to him that he was not to call me, not to ever try coming to my door, etc. It was a very ugly call that I certainly didn't want to deal with. Fast forward a few weeks, and from personal info shared by this "relative", he was aware that I go with a female friend to a local place near me to listen to music and have a glass of wine/dance etc. Well this past Friday, who was in there drunk out of his skull? Yup, former S/O! I didn't even notice until the owner of the place came to serve me a second glass of wine and asked who was death glaring me (former S/O was sitting behind me where I didn't notice him). I was shocked to see him and more shocked to learn he has been in there a few times, always drunk and watching the door. Well Friday I am told by the owner that he was there doing the same thing, drunk and staring down the door, until I walked in. Then his eyes never left me and his glare and rage and posture alarmed the owner who clearly knew something was very wrong and that former S/O had been coming in waiting for a night like Friday, where I finally walked into the place. I explained briefly to the owner who he was. Thank goodness this town is microscopic small and I know the owner well now. In fact I'm hosting a huge fundraising night in his bar so have been dealing with him on that level frequently as of late. Owner said "thats enough to do it for me!" and grabbed the bouncer and had to aggressively eject S/O from the place. He also informed S/O that due to the concern over his blatant aggressive looks toward a patron (me), it was a permanent ban from the place. I was so relieved. </p><p></p><p>You would think that losing so much, so quickly would create "bottom " for an addict. Sadly, it often takes MORE. What more? I have no earthly idea what brings a individual bottom to someone LMS. My now ex S/O has lost me and the kids, his home, his entire life. His new great job. His drivers license. He faces jail time and a lifetime loss of his drivers license. He is living in his mothers small 2 bedroom apartment and has nothing really in his life. He continues to feed his addiction. I see the same thing, sadly, with your difficult child right now. </p><p></p><p>Please know I "get it", and I am proud of you detaching. I hope your difficult children wife can also recognize that for herself and your grands, she too is going to have to draw that firm line in the sand for their sakes. difficult child must surely know that he faces losing them, yet addiction is winning out. I'll be keeping the entire lot of you in my thoughts and really hope that difficult children wife does what she surely must do for herself and the kids, while also hoping that something turns on in your difficult child's head to make him see the desperate need for sobriety but also for some serious therapy. Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 609091, member: 4264"] I'm so sorry LMS :( Your difficult child is so mule headed but also willfully using in the face of great loss he has caused himself. I too have wondered when his wife will have enough and take the step to break the tie. Husband or not, he is not in a place to be a husband, nor frankly a healthy father. Do I believe it's in him? Of course. I don't see that he's capable right now, nor for a long time now. I do hope he gets much needed help however it may take some jarring lessons in life and more loss for him to hit that proverbial bottom. You well know the 10 year history with my (now ex) S/O. All of those many sober years and he blew it all and I had to stand my ground (Which I will NEVER regret, not for a second) and end things. I didn't do it half butted either, I did it with an all or nothing approach. For me it was the E-N-D. Well in the months since, he has spiraled downward further and I do not know who that man is, surely not the man I spent a decade of my life with. I'm glad he's gone, I must say! He lost his new job here in this new town we all moved to FOR him and his work. First job he has ever been fired from. Due to his drinking too, which makes it even sadder. He then, after months respecting my demand that we have zero contact, he got rip roaring drunk mid week and in a drunk stupor, took his mothers car keys at dinner time and headed to MY new apartment to get into my face (Guessing his plan was that, or begging me, either way, not okay!) and ended up crashing his mothers car into a truck as he plowed past a stop sign into traffic. Her car is a complete write off and I am merely grateful he didn't hurt anyone! He then finagled my new unlisted number from the one relative of his that I stayed in touch with (I was very hurt that she would give out my number, and it turns out give out personal info as well!) and I had a call from him. I was livid. I made it plainly clear to him that he was not to call me, not to ever try coming to my door, etc. It was a very ugly call that I certainly didn't want to deal with. Fast forward a few weeks, and from personal info shared by this "relative", he was aware that I go with a female friend to a local place near me to listen to music and have a glass of wine/dance etc. Well this past Friday, who was in there drunk out of his skull? Yup, former S/O! I didn't even notice until the owner of the place came to serve me a second glass of wine and asked who was death glaring me (former S/O was sitting behind me where I didn't notice him). I was shocked to see him and more shocked to learn he has been in there a few times, always drunk and watching the door. Well Friday I am told by the owner that he was there doing the same thing, drunk and staring down the door, until I walked in. Then his eyes never left me and his glare and rage and posture alarmed the owner who clearly knew something was very wrong and that former S/O had been coming in waiting for a night like Friday, where I finally walked into the place. I explained briefly to the owner who he was. Thank goodness this town is microscopic small and I know the owner well now. In fact I'm hosting a huge fundraising night in his bar so have been dealing with him on that level frequently as of late. Owner said "thats enough to do it for me!" and grabbed the bouncer and had to aggressively eject S/O from the place. He also informed S/O that due to the concern over his blatant aggressive looks toward a patron (me), it was a permanent ban from the place. I was so relieved. You would think that losing so much, so quickly would create "bottom " for an addict. Sadly, it often takes MORE. What more? I have no earthly idea what brings a individual bottom to someone LMS. My now ex S/O has lost me and the kids, his home, his entire life. His new great job. His drivers license. He faces jail time and a lifetime loss of his drivers license. He is living in his mothers small 2 bedroom apartment and has nothing really in his life. He continues to feed his addiction. I see the same thing, sadly, with your difficult child right now. Please know I "get it", and I am proud of you detaching. I hope your difficult children wife can also recognize that for herself and your grands, she too is going to have to draw that firm line in the sand for their sakes. difficult child must surely know that he faces losing them, yet addiction is winning out. I'll be keeping the entire lot of you in my thoughts and really hope that difficult children wife does what she surely must do for herself and the kids, while also hoping that something turns on in your difficult child's head to make him see the desperate need for sobriety but also for some serious therapy. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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