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Substance Abuse
Every chance he gets...he uses
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 609094" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>mattsmom, </p><p>You are incredibly strong and resolute gal I must say! </p><p>I am so glad you have people looking out for you in your little town...does sound like SO is a lose cannon right now...and I am so sorry to hear this too. </p><p></p><p>Kathy and Mattsmom, </p><p>I have no idea what it will take for difficult child to hit bottom! husband says he's like a catfish that just bounces around the bottom...but I think it's coming to an end soon. </p><p></p><p>daughter in law told me yesterday that difficult child sleeps half the days, does not help do much of anything at her mother's home. And her mother is supporting difficult child, daughter in law, the grandkids, and even her EX. I'll tell ya, on the one I have so much respect for daughter in law's mother for working so hard...on the other hand, what is she thinking!?! All of these people are using her. Of course I understand not letting out grandkids hit hard times...and therefore daughter in law too. But her EX and difficult child??? </p><p>I would kick both of them out! </p><p></p><p>husband and I gave difficult child a nice home to live in, provided a job, a truck, his family over frequently, nice dinner times, good birthdays for the kids and a good Christmas time too when he first came home from prison. </p><p>It only took what...2/3 months before he was "admitting" to some use. And there was nothing wrong...No SANE reason to use. </p><p></p><p>daughter in law told me yesterday that difficult child just wants to live with her and her mother and the EX for 3 more months and then go back to prison where he will do (we think) one year left of time on his 3 yr sentence (1 yr in prison initially, 1 yr out, and then one more in). </p><p>But to what end? So he gets out again...with no job, no truck, possibly no family except for husband and I. </p><p></p><p>Maybe we should have all let him come out into the free world and immediately go to a prison sponsered half way house and "work for everything" himself. </p><p>I say "work for everything" because daughter in law passed by her old neighborhood awhile back and saw a mom working in the yard. A mom of a once very charming, good looking, "had it all going for him", young man. daughter in law stopped to visit with the mom and ask how this young man was today. In her sadness, the mother revealed that son was an alcoholic and became depressed and suicidal and jumped to his death out of his Apt building. </p><p>daughter in law told her about difficult child. And the mom told daughter in law "make him work for everything". </p><p>Now this is a mom who's heart has paid the ultimate price...she must know something of great importance! </p><p></p><p>Make him work for everything...maybe that is key. </p><p>I try hard now with my grandson...trying to do what I can to compensate for the error I made in raising my own difficult child's. I did SO MUCH for my difficult child's when they were young...really, what did they have to work hard for? It was me who was exerting so much thought, time and energy...effort. I thought that's what a good mom does. </p><p>I think today that I was wrong. It is about teaching them to "do for self". That's where I think I messed up most. </p><p></p><p>Yesterday I took the the oldest 2 grandchildren to the State Fair. </p><p>Grandson gave me his push up popsickle to unwrap for him. I gave it back to him after pulling just a little corner of the paper to get it started. I expected him to pull the wrapping off himself. I do this all the time now with him...little things yes, but I am trying to send a messege. I try and keep my hands off of what he can do for self! How I wish I could go back in time and teach my difficult child's differently. </p><p></p><p>I want to learn what I can do to make a difference for my grandchildren. Not to say difficult child is a lost cause...but there is a new generation to participate in raising. I SO HOPE my grandchildren will skip the demise of addiction and go on to live rich meaningful lives. Failure and loss is no way to be defined! </p><p></p><p>Mattsmom, </p><p>Again, I am so very sorry to hear about SO, the betrayal from the relative, the loss of your relationship. </p><p>So sad what gifts they take for granted. </p><p></p><p>Thinking of you, </p><p>Hugs, </p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 609094, member: 3305"] mattsmom, You are incredibly strong and resolute gal I must say! I am so glad you have people looking out for you in your little town...does sound like SO is a lose cannon right now...and I am so sorry to hear this too. Kathy and Mattsmom, I have no idea what it will take for difficult child to hit bottom! husband says he's like a catfish that just bounces around the bottom...but I think it's coming to an end soon. daughter in law told me yesterday that difficult child sleeps half the days, does not help do much of anything at her mother's home. And her mother is supporting difficult child, daughter in law, the grandkids, and even her EX. I'll tell ya, on the one I have so much respect for daughter in law's mother for working so hard...on the other hand, what is she thinking!?! All of these people are using her. Of course I understand not letting out grandkids hit hard times...and therefore daughter in law too. But her EX and difficult child??? I would kick both of them out! husband and I gave difficult child a nice home to live in, provided a job, a truck, his family over frequently, nice dinner times, good birthdays for the kids and a good Christmas time too when he first came home from prison. It only took what...2/3 months before he was "admitting" to some use. And there was nothing wrong...No SANE reason to use. daughter in law told me yesterday that difficult child just wants to live with her and her mother and the EX for 3 more months and then go back to prison where he will do (we think) one year left of time on his 3 yr sentence (1 yr in prison initially, 1 yr out, and then one more in). But to what end? So he gets out again...with no job, no truck, possibly no family except for husband and I. Maybe we should have all let him come out into the free world and immediately go to a prison sponsered half way house and "work for everything" himself. I say "work for everything" because daughter in law passed by her old neighborhood awhile back and saw a mom working in the yard. A mom of a once very charming, good looking, "had it all going for him", young man. daughter in law stopped to visit with the mom and ask how this young man was today. In her sadness, the mother revealed that son was an alcoholic and became depressed and suicidal and jumped to his death out of his Apt building. daughter in law told her about difficult child. And the mom told daughter in law "make him work for everything". Now this is a mom who's heart has paid the ultimate price...she must know something of great importance! Make him work for everything...maybe that is key. I try hard now with my grandson...trying to do what I can to compensate for the error I made in raising my own difficult child's. I did SO MUCH for my difficult child's when they were young...really, what did they have to work hard for? It was me who was exerting so much thought, time and energy...effort. I thought that's what a good mom does. I think today that I was wrong. It is about teaching them to "do for self". That's where I think I messed up most. Yesterday I took the the oldest 2 grandchildren to the State Fair. Grandson gave me his push up popsickle to unwrap for him. I gave it back to him after pulling just a little corner of the paper to get it started. I expected him to pull the wrapping off himself. I do this all the time now with him...little things yes, but I am trying to send a messege. I try and keep my hands off of what he can do for self! How I wish I could go back in time and teach my difficult child's differently. I want to learn what I can do to make a difference for my grandchildren. Not to say difficult child is a lost cause...but there is a new generation to participate in raising. I SO HOPE my grandchildren will skip the demise of addiction and go on to live rich meaningful lives. Failure and loss is no way to be defined! Mattsmom, Again, I am so very sorry to hear about SO, the betrayal from the relative, the loss of your relationship. So sad what gifts they take for granted. Thinking of you, Hugs, LMS [/QUOTE]
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