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General Parenting
Every time I think... (long vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 246671" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Thanks for all of your input and support. It is such a relief and help to have this soft place to land where I can come and vent to my little black heart's content!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>First of all, I'm sure Janna is chomping at the bit. I was im'ing her last night and informed her that husband has A PLAN. (du du du dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) I said that I would let her know what THE PLAN was but as of yet, I haven't heard it. When husband got home from class last night and started telling me about the chat with difficult child, I stopped him about 12.7 seconds in. When he got to the part about difficult child saying that he was acting the way he has been acting because he's mad at life because he's never had a girlfriend, I durn near came unglued. No girlfriend? <strong><em>SERIOUSLY???? </em></strong>And to top it off...husband BOUGHT IT! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/slap.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":slap:" title="slap :slap:" data-shortname=":slap:" /></p><p></p><p>Well then....let me think....difficult child has "explained" his behavior in the past with:</p><p></p><p>We don't spend enough time with him</p><p>We spend TOO much time with him</p><p>We nag</p><p>We don't nag</p><p>He has no friends</p><p>He gets picked on in school</p><p>We don't give him enough freedom and he's rebelling</p><p>He's a teenager and that's how teenagers are supposed to act</p><p></p><p>I'm positive there are more but those are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head. It is absolutely amazing how well one can scream and go off while whispering. All it takes is practice! Let me tell you....I. WENT. OFF. I was good though and restrained myself from smacking husband in the forehead and asking if he was out of his bleeping mind. But I did remind him that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. he has had these talks with difficult child about what he (difficult child) needs to be doing, difficult child tells him the SAME THING. (Explanations aside) I also reminded him that he (husband) was a <strong><u>very active </u></strong>participant when we came up with and wrote the house rules/contract AND the consequences of not following said rules that we presented to difficult child when he turned 18. husband was further reminded of the fact that if we continue to not follow through with the consequences, we are NOT helping difficult child in the least. He will not take any responsibility for himself if he's not forced to. Why should he? All he has to do is put up with a "talk" here and there and then go wrap up in a comforter that hasn't seen the inside of a washing machine since sometime last summer. (And just for the record, I quit doing difficult child's laundry years ago. If he wants clean clothes, it's up to him.)</p><p></p><p>I feel bad for husband in a way. He was choking up by the end of OUR "talk" and I know he's hurting but for the love of Pete....he and I have had varying versions of this discussion quite a few times over the last year or two. (hence the title of this thread)</p><p></p><p>On a positive note though, husband did suggest last night that he and I go to counseling and I immediately agreed. Granted, I'm sure I'll hear things about me that I won't be happy with (my temper for one) but I'm more than willing to deal with that if it helps us meet somewhere in the middle. Right now I see our positions in this situation as one of us on seperate ends of the scale. I just hope that we get a good one who can make husband see that we have done all we can. difficult child HAS to do his part in his own life. And yes, maybe a teensy part of me wants to hear that I'm right *ahem* but if husband can't/won't listen to me, maybe he'll listen to someone else that is outside of the equation. </p><p></p><p>Honestly, I'm starting to get scared that this is going to seriously affect our marriage. We're fine now but if we don't get on the same page soon....I don't know what will happen. I'm close to finding my own place to stay but ONLY till difficult child is out of the house. But if it came to that, I'm afraid that it would do serious harm to husband's and I relationship. OR if we do kick difficult child out and something happens to him....aside from my own guilt as a mother, will husband blame me and resent me?</p><p></p><p>Guess the counseling idea is a good one, huh? LOL *sigh* I'm going to keep my fingers crossed but even if we don't accomplish what I'd like, I think it will do us both some good to air our feelings with an objective observer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 246671, member: 2459"] Thanks for all of your input and support. It is such a relief and help to have this soft place to land where I can come and vent to my little black heart's content! First of all, I'm sure Janna is chomping at the bit. I was im'ing her last night and informed her that husband has A PLAN. (du du du dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) I said that I would let her know what THE PLAN was but as of yet, I haven't heard it. When husband got home from class last night and started telling me about the chat with difficult child, I stopped him about 12.7 seconds in. When he got to the part about difficult child saying that he was acting the way he has been acting because he's mad at life because he's never had a girlfriend, I durn near came unglued. No girlfriend? [B][I]SERIOUSLY???? [/I][/B]And to top it off...husband BOUGHT IT! :slap: Well then....let me think....difficult child has "explained" his behavior in the past with: We don't spend enough time with him We spend TOO much time with him We nag We don't nag He has no friends He gets picked on in school We don't give him enough freedom and he's rebelling He's a teenager and that's how teenagers are supposed to act I'm positive there are more but those are just the ones I can remember off the top of my head. It is absolutely amazing how well one can scream and go off while whispering. All it takes is practice! Let me tell you....I. WENT. OFF. I was good though and restrained myself from smacking husband in the forehead and asking if he was out of his bleeping mind. But I did remind him that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. he has had these talks with difficult child about what he (difficult child) needs to be doing, difficult child tells him the SAME THING. (Explanations aside) I also reminded him that he (husband) was a [B][U]very active [/U][/B]participant when we came up with and wrote the house rules/contract AND the consequences of not following said rules that we presented to difficult child when he turned 18. husband was further reminded of the fact that if we continue to not follow through with the consequences, we are NOT helping difficult child in the least. He will not take any responsibility for himself if he's not forced to. Why should he? All he has to do is put up with a "talk" here and there and then go wrap up in a comforter that hasn't seen the inside of a washing machine since sometime last summer. (And just for the record, I quit doing difficult child's laundry years ago. If he wants clean clothes, it's up to him.) I feel bad for husband in a way. He was choking up by the end of OUR "talk" and I know he's hurting but for the love of Pete....he and I have had varying versions of this discussion quite a few times over the last year or two. (hence the title of this thread) On a positive note though, husband did suggest last night that he and I go to counseling and I immediately agreed. Granted, I'm sure I'll hear things about me that I won't be happy with (my temper for one) but I'm more than willing to deal with that if it helps us meet somewhere in the middle. Right now I see our positions in this situation as one of us on seperate ends of the scale. I just hope that we get a good one who can make husband see that we have done all we can. difficult child HAS to do his part in his own life. And yes, maybe a teensy part of me wants to hear that I'm right *ahem* but if husband can't/won't listen to me, maybe he'll listen to someone else that is outside of the equation. Honestly, I'm starting to get scared that this is going to seriously affect our marriage. We're fine now but if we don't get on the same page soon....I don't know what will happen. I'm close to finding my own place to stay but ONLY till difficult child is out of the house. But if it came to that, I'm afraid that it would do serious harm to husband's and I relationship. OR if we do kick difficult child out and something happens to him....aside from my own guilt as a mother, will husband blame me and resent me? Guess the counseling idea is a good one, huh? LOL *sigh* I'm going to keep my fingers crossed but even if we don't accomplish what I'd like, I think it will do us both some good to air our feelings with an objective observer. [/QUOTE]
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