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Substance Abuse
Everywhere I look, I see relapses; how not to worry too much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 549104" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Suz,</p><p>I'm glad you posted this, because you read my mind. In my own life, my difficult child has been home from college after a disastrous first year, and has really worked hard and has tested clean, and has been going to therapy, and really working on family relationships. Next week, we bring him back to school, and drop him off. How am I not going to worry that he'll get involved with the same old thing and ruin everything? I'm already bolting up out of bed for no reason in the middle of the night, and he's home and doing fine!</p><p>I guess the bottom line, Suz, is we can worry all we want, but it's out of our control. We can continue to support and encourage, but they make their own decisions. We are not puppeteers and they're not our puppets. They must live with the decisions they make and we are on the sidelines cheering them on to do well. Problem is, there's always other folks on the sidelines cheering them on to do bad things. Hopefully, with the guidance, expertise and experiences they've had, one day at a time, they'll make good choices.</p><p>Here's the crux of my significant worries: I personally was always a religious person - not in the didactic sense, but I've always felt touched by God and have a very strong faith. I've been part of my religious community all my life and have a strong sense of fellowship with them and a personal feeling of love and devotion toward God. It's just me, and I don't push it on anyone. My kids, however, are their own persons, and although they went to Catholic school for many years and went to Church, etc. they haven't yet exhibited that connection at all. The reason I'm saying this, is that I worry especially that difficult child does not have a strong foundation of faith to uphold him in times of great difficulty. I fear that without that foundation, he will sway with the wind and only rely on himself. So I acknowledge that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Every individual is on a personal journey and we won't ever stop worrying about our family, because we love them, but we just have to recognize that they are separate entities influenced by many many things, and must learn for themselves. Sometimes a slip prevents a fall...hopefully they won't slip <strong>or</strong> fall, but they're adults and must live with all their own consequences, just as we do. That doesn't mean they won't break our hearts, though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 549104, member: 13882"] Suz, I'm glad you posted this, because you read my mind. In my own life, my difficult child has been home from college after a disastrous first year, and has really worked hard and has tested clean, and has been going to therapy, and really working on family relationships. Next week, we bring him back to school, and drop him off. How am I not going to worry that he'll get involved with the same old thing and ruin everything? I'm already bolting up out of bed for no reason in the middle of the night, and he's home and doing fine! I guess the bottom line, Suz, is we can worry all we want, but it's out of our control. We can continue to support and encourage, but they make their own decisions. We are not puppeteers and they're not our puppets. They must live with the decisions they make and we are on the sidelines cheering them on to do well. Problem is, there's always other folks on the sidelines cheering them on to do bad things. Hopefully, with the guidance, expertise and experiences they've had, one day at a time, they'll make good choices. Here's the crux of my significant worries: I personally was always a religious person - not in the didactic sense, but I've always felt touched by God and have a very strong faith. I've been part of my religious community all my life and have a strong sense of fellowship with them and a personal feeling of love and devotion toward God. It's just me, and I don't push it on anyone. My kids, however, are their own persons, and although they went to Catholic school for many years and went to Church, etc. they haven't yet exhibited that connection at all. The reason I'm saying this, is that I worry especially that difficult child does not have a strong foundation of faith to uphold him in times of great difficulty. I fear that without that foundation, he will sway with the wind and only rely on himself. So I acknowledge that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Every individual is on a personal journey and we won't ever stop worrying about our family, because we love them, but we just have to recognize that they are separate entities influenced by many many things, and must learn for themselves. Sometimes a slip prevents a fall...hopefully they won't slip [B]or[/B] fall, but they're adults and must live with all their own consequences, just as we do. That doesn't mean they won't break our hearts, though. [/QUOTE]
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Everywhere I look, I see relapses; how not to worry too much?
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